last march myself and my long term (21 yrs) partner seperated, i have 4 children with her 3 of which are still living with her, they are 13yrs and twins of 12 yrs.
she has a new man in her life which is not the issue, they have decided to move 90 miles away to scarborough and they are taking my younger children with them.
my 13 yr old and one of my twins have stated they want to live with me as they are constantly being shouted at and verbally abused by the new "fella" and they cant bear living so far away from me.
i have been in receipt of threats from the new man, both physical and mental.
is there an age where the child can make the decision as to which parent he lives with?
if so how do i arrange this?
although at the start communication was good with my ex, she has now become un approachable in any matter concerning the kids.
please help, as i fear the next move could be one of permanent exclusion and im at my wits end.
Hi Pete,
I'm not 100% sure if there is set age, I think they take each child independently as each child will grow up differently and have different understandings at different ages, I may be though.
I will ask the child legal team to drop by and give you some advice, this may take a few days so keep checking back.
Darren
They can't make the decision themselves, but what you can do is to go for residency and then at the age they are at, the court would certainly take their wishes into consideration. It won't be an easy ride, but it's worth it.
Hi Pete,
Thanks for your query.
The legal position is that if you were not married to the mother, you will not have parental responsibility for the children even if you are on their birth certificates. This is because the law changed on the 1st December 2003 which means that any unmarried fathers that are on their childrens birth certificates after this date, will automatically obtain parental responsibility for their children. Any unmarried fathers with children born before this date, will not.
You do have the option available to you to apply for parental responsibility for your children through the courts, either through a parental responsibility order, or by applying for a Residence Order which would also give you parental responsibility.
Once you have parental responsibility , you would have equal rights to the mother and the children will not formally belong with either one of you. If the children choose to reside with you at this point, there legally would not be anything wrong with this. The mother may however decide to apply for residency herself, so the best option for you may be to apply for a residence order.
If you are eligible for legal aid, you can get a solicitor to help you with this application. If you are not eligible, you can make the application on form C100, available from the HM Courts website, or from the County Court. If you have welfare concerns for the children due to the behaviour and conduct of their mother's new partner, you should also fill out supplementary form C1A with this application, and make clear all of your concerns for the children. The guidance notes for completing these forms are CB1 and CB3. You also have the option of contacting social services about your concerns for the children. If you feel that you are being harrassed by the mothers new partner, you should contact the police, and log any incidents that occur.
The court will look at the welfare checklist (s.1(3) Children's Act 1989) in deciding what is in the children's best interests. Because of their age, the court are likely to give a lot of weight to their wishes and feelings on the situation, and what they would like to happen.
We hope this answers your query. If you have any futher concerns please do not hesitate to contact us on our free legal advice line: 0808 802 0008
The Children's Legal Centre
Thank you for responding so quickly,
im so afraid of her stopping my visits all together, does she have the right to do this? and do i have any rights to fight it?
i would love to go for the reisidance but im scared this may prompt her to stop my contact.
2 of my kids are so distraught to leave me, there home and school, friends etc....
what would you do?
thanks again
Ultimately you have to make the choice of whether you accept what's happening and that you will have no control, or you put up a fight and accept that there may be consequences - however, these would only be short term. Personally, I would go for residence - I cannot see why you wouldn't at least get PR, so even if you didn't get residence, you should get a defined Contact Order.
If you do decide that's the way you want to go, I'd have a chat with your children so that they know what is going to happen, and what the short term consequences might be.
