To a1dad2be,
Regarding proving you're no danger to your kids, when faced with this allegation what are your options?
If you are not a risk then why is she saying it and has she any proof to say you are? …. if No is the answer then it's her word against yours.
Can you prove your not? …. If you are not then, Yes you can! if you have been having contact with the kids since you split then you have that as your proof, you will know when you saw them, how long for and where you took them… When you had them did you take photos of your days out? selfies, places you visited etc…
I know I did…parks – photo of child in front of animals or signs at the places we visited…or just in the house drawing pictures, building lego, all the usual stuff that you’d do….all those showed that we had contact and what we did when we had it.
It may not be proof like you thinking but it shows child with you and if she allowed that then why would she now claim you’re a threat…..thats how i would be challenging it!
Why has she now decided to stop contact if you’d been having it before?
Was it because an argument with you? Have you started seeing someone? (that seems to kick things off a lot of times). Have you argued over contact…money…usualy cr*p?
If any of those then i’d say she’s being vindictive and trying to get back at you in the only way she knows she can get at you….by using the kids!
Regarding means to support your kids…..as long as you can feed and keep a roof over yourself why wouldn’t you be able to look after your kids?
You’re looking at contact not taking kids away from her.
@craigmcd Im in a similar situation. I'm waiting on my final hearing and had my fact finding hearing last week. I have contested the non molestation against me. I'm hoping the truth gets noticed and i am not found guilty, however I am worried in the same time that the court will play it safe on probability and decide im guilty. My question to you was how to have 50/50 custody with the non molestation order, in regards how to pick up and drop of your children as i imagine you cannot meet with your ex. would appreciate some advice mate. feel free to pm me.
Craigmcd wrote his post 5 years ago
@jabilm60 the best options for child contact with a non mol are, using 3rd parties approved by your ex eg mutual friends or family members, using a contact centre just for handover purposes although there is usually a cost for this of around £20 or doing it at the school so that you pick them up from school on a Fri eve and then drop them off on a Mon morning for example, however this only works if either the non mol does not prevent you going to the school or if it does you would then require written permission from the school allowing this to happen and the school would only do this with approval from your ex.
If you can make arrangements for any of these options via a 3rd party that would be best, otherwise you will need to do it via solicitors.
Main thing is that you do not breach the non mol in any way what so ever..
Hope this helps.
As has been said, be very careful not to breach the non-mol as it can have serious consequences. A non-molestation order can allow for handovers. It all depends on the circumstances and view of the court.
Handovers where the parents drop off or pick up school are usually the easiest to avoid seeing the other parent, or in a public place with cctv can be considered.
Best of luck
Thanks to @Daddyup and @yoda for your responses. I really appreciate it. I haven't got a bit family network, and my imediate family she wont accept to do handovers too. She's trying to make things hard and will make it even harder if I am found guilty for access to kids. School would of been a good option but if it requires approval from my ex, then that's where the issue will be. Again I appreciate everyone's feedback maybe a area with CCTV would be a option to consider.
Consider using a contact centre for handovers, they will facilitate things and contact both parties..if handovers goes well with no issues then you can also get this confirmation from the contact centre.. Therefore in the future when the non mol expires (usually after 6 or 12 months) you can suggest that as there have been no issues with handover and no breaches of the non mol to progress to handover at school or directly with your ex etc.. The cost is around £20 I believe and very worth it..
If the court orders handovers at school, the mother will have to comply with that. Best bet is to present the court with workable options and if they can't get you to agree, they will decide.
In the short term, as has been said - a contact centre could be a good option.
Thanks to everyone for their help. Initially when my ex made the non molestation order she even told the social services that she doesnt see my as a harm to the kids. social services acknowledged this on the report. However as she as realised later that i have applied for shared custody she has now written further lies in the fact finding about me hitting my son, which i have never in my life. Im hoping the courts would see the inconsistencies as all she is trying to do is avoid shared custody. her solicitor has written that she would like me to send and receive pictures at first. I could not believe she had made a suggestion like that knowing what a hands on parent i have been and the relationship i had with both my children.
Ultimately, Cafcass will make recommendations. The court will try to get everyone to agree a way forward. If none is found, you will have a final hearing and the court will decide. Best of luck
@jabilm60 Sorry for late reply. First of all I'm really sorry for the situation you find yourself in, I understand your pain and frustration as I have been there before many years ago, just search my previous posts.
Ok first of all 50/50 custody is very possible even with every sanction courts want to impose on you. Doing this period it would do you good to take on some self development as it helped me immensely either through books or online/social media platforms. One of the biggest things I learned was that "you cannot control the actions of others but you can control yours", that being said I did everything I could possibly do to put myself in pole position for 50/50 custody.
1. Moved locally to my ex(not at her door step but within 15-20mins drive)
2. Signed up to a course in child care level 2 (online based)
3. Completed every parenting course I could find online
4. FIRST AID paediatric course with St John's Ambulance
5. Acquired a big enough property so my daughter has her own room and a garden to play in (I rented it on a 12 month contract)
I understand that most people would not be able to do this as it takes a lot of time and finances and if you have a secure job you may not be able to move. I am self employed and can literally work from anywhere as long as I have internet access.
As for picking up your kids, I agree with what everyone has said, me personally I used my mother and siblings as 3rd parties to facilitate handovers, my ex tried to dismiss them saying they are violent etc but couldn't provide any alternatives so the judge just allowed them.
Best thing I can say is be prepared and go into court with bullet proof documentation, have all your options laid on the table and she will be forced to pick one.
All the best
@craigmcd no worries and thanks for the reply, much appreciated.
We had the non molestation final hearing last week, and out of 20 accusation or so she made on me including cohesive and controlling behaviour the judge said he has been lying on all. however she had a minor bruising on one arm, the judge said there could be a possibility I hit her. I know I didn't do it, and she had fallen over. however because she had been found lying on so many things, it seemed like i was possibly getting the non mol removed and getting some sort of custody of the children (even if its supervised).
However as the children matter started being discussed she came out and said that my son had been getting some sort of therapy due to witnessing domestic abuse. the judge asked her why she has not ever mentioned this before, and only said it on the 11th hour, which she didn't respond. the judge said because its a children matter she's got 4 weeks to bring evidence and findings of the therapy. So we going to get another court date now. I was absolutely gutted. The judge did see ring doorbell footage on the night of the incident which helped me a lot, which helped in prove she was lying. it even showed my son looking for me after the police came and even asking for me. I know she has lied to social services about Domestic violence, so I'm worried if my son has been enrolled onto some therapy for nothing and to make her case stronger and also stop me seeing my children.
Sorry about the lengthy message. its one year today I haven't seen or spoken to my children. Yeah its been really hard. I appreciate everyone's help on here, I will look into these courses too.