I have recently been to court in January and had my final hearing and was happy with the outcome.
the mother and her barrister tried a last ditch attempt to have the hearing adjourned on the day and made some completely untrue accusations about my parenting (that she failed to tell Cafcass throughout the whole process, so I think the magistrates saw through this as an attempt to just delay things)
This was about a month ago and I’ve been having my overnights etc…. I’m due to collect her from nursery today and she’s messaged me saying that I can’t see her because she’s been to the doctors and been referred to social services for an issue I can’t even bring myself to write on here, but it’s in line with the accusations she made in court. my little girl is 2
it’s clearly another attempt to make it as difficult as she can for me and my daughter and clearly she will stoop to any level possible to do this
my question is what can I do now? Do I report this to the courts straight away to set the wheels in motion? I’m not going to get anywhere talking to the mother that’s for certain.
I represented myself so I’m in the dark a bit here, any help/advice would be wonderful
So difficult.
youve got to put the child first, obviously, and cresting a scene at Nursery will not help that.
however, youve got a CAO, and false allegations are just that and unless ordered otherwise stick to it.
these attempts to block contact can lead to months/years of not seeing a child which would be devastating.
think what a reasonable and prudent person would do.
dont engage in conflict/argumrnt with ex.
If she wants to block your contact she’ll need an emergency hearing, the court will safe guard the child whilst investigation takes place. This could be no contact….
can you take preemptive steps? Deny allegations and put in place reasonable safe guarding controls whilst this mess plays out? Something along the lines of, I deny these accusations, I fear that they are being used to control and severe my court ordered contact and this is not acceptable. I will be following CAO and to safeguard my child and myself whilst this is unpicked I will have (mum/dad/family friend or whoever you can) be with me during my contact to assure and be able to report, if required, that the child is safe whilst in my care.
get legal advice and read up on pathogenic parenting.
protect yourself and your relationship with you child - firmly and peacefully
defend your boundaries - use the CAO.
make sure if you are collecting you have the CAO on you and make sure someone attends with you.
stay calm and avoid any and all confrontation-any emotional words can be twisted, take a deep breath. If any issue calmly ask to talk away from mother and ask that a safeguarding person be present whilst you explain CAO and how you will be dealing with contact whilst these accusations are unpicked by social services.
You could also make a police log on non-urgent number to say what’s happened and that you will be following CAO with regard contact today.
ive had similar and collecting from nursery was a truly horrible experience - it’s as if everyone there had been told I was an abuser and the child was not safe in my care - don’t let this get to you as the truth will out.
If you’ve got PR you could collect earlier that would be reasonable to avoid direct confrontation and keep to CAO contact
Thanks so much for that.
trouble is she’s messaging me saying that the hospital she took her too has contacted social services and they have told her not to allow me to have her until they have investigated this.
she was absolutely fine when I dropped her off at her mums on Sunday at 4.
it just seems so easy for parents to say anything to cause an issue I really hope she hasn’t caused this red rawness, as she has said herself and then told social services whatever she has, I don’t think she would do that but I’m doubting myself now.
I have her again on Friday from nursery.
can I contact social services myself? For all I know this whole scenario could be completely made up to just keep me away. She is incredibly bitter that I managed to get my access in court so I wouldn’t put anything past her.
I haven’t yet picked her up from her new nursery so can’t just turn up early unfortunately, she’s just pulled my daughter from the previous one she’s been in for 2 years as she accused the nursery nurse of assault on my daughter based on little to no evidence! I just feel awful for her as she is not being afforded any stability whatsoever for one so young
Ok
It’s worth asking for sight of whatever advice has been given, if written, or asking to speak to SS for an update.
just remember SS are following a set play and will be frustrating to deal with.
Again, anything you say needs to be calm and reasonable, just get the facts - they aren’t going to jump in and promote your contact, you may feel they are prejudice and it’s likely your right - but, that’s a battle you won’t win.
say how important your contact is, that these accusations are untrue and you are willing and happy work with them to resolve the issue asap.
Ask why they thought it necessary to suspend your contact. Keep a log of who you spoke to and what was said.
“If the Local Authority want to suspend contact beyond 7 days, they must make an application to the Court (as set out in section 34(4) of the Children Act 1989). The Court should only grant this application if there are very good reasons for doing so and it is rare this to happen.”
The longer there is no contact the longer it takes to get back on track and the more nonsense starts to appear.
despite the court, SS and CAFCASS being aware of pathogenic parenting they will not see it as it’s far easier to not……
stick to facts, stay calm, use CAO, get advice and do all you can to get contact resumed as fast as possible
hi, suggest you contact social/childrens services to ask for an update. if mother has solicitor, would be good to write to them and ask for explanation as to why court order is not being followed by mother.