Mother took child away from me
I have split up with my partner. After over 10 years together. I have no financial ties to her and i am now paying the CMS £400 pcm. She has stopped me seeing my 10 year old making up lie after lie to others about me to tarnish me. I have no records or have ever had any issues. She has rejected the mediation and i have the certificate now and i also completed the C100 forms and have had them acknowledged. This will go to court then she will make up a pack of lies about me. I have told the court i am prepared to be very flexible when it comes to seeing my child i am after around 40% if possible as i think its only fair they see there mum a little more.
What is the process likely to be when she makes us the lies up to the court i presume they then have to look into it. I was hoping i just went to court and they gave a order and that was that. I now seem to expect with all the rubbish she is going to hand out it will be a lot longer? can anyone advise i am losing hope.
allegations are very common in court. I would suggest you not get involved in mud-slinging and making counter-allegations, as this usually makes court process drag on for longer. If her allegations are serious in nature, court may ask for a fact finding to be done, which can take couple of weeks. courts social workers (cafcass) should be giving you a call shortly before your first hearing.
I have no received a non molestation order in the post with a pack of lies! what do i do with this just accept it?
It is me that has had abuse, stalking, having to change my phone, malitous information spread about me etc etc. Do i tell all this to CAFCAS or do i just accept the situation and say nothing back. Awful that she has gave all these lies to get a injunction against me.
Do not just accept it. You have some options. Are you going to seek legal advice?
Can you refute the allegations with evidence? In the first instance, research the legal process and familiarise yourself with it.
Then speak to a solicitor even if its just for the free 30 mins they provide..
Accepting the allegations in a non mol depending on what they are can have significant impact on child contact. Eg if they are of a domestic abuse nature then by accepting you will be initially considered a potential danger to child. You will be assessed by CAFCASS and may have to attend a 6 month course domestic abuse perpetrator programme (Dapp) before getting any access.
If you can deny with evidence that is best. Or deny and accept an undertaking (if you are not up for challenging) that you will not contact ex partner in order to close the non mol matter (so non mol remains but you havent accepted anything). Then go through court for child arrangements.. Obviously the allegations will come back up again and so at some point you will need to tackle them.
You should have a court attendance date within the next 14 days I think it is so you have some planning and decisions to make.
Most importantly do not breach the non mol by contacting your ex, even contacting her to find out about why she issued non mol or ask about your child is a breach and you can be arrested and all of a sudden you are considered a threat and a danger with a record with the police.
Ps, if everything is lies then most likely it has been done to secure legal aid for her legal advice as legal aid is only payable in domestic abuse situations..
There are many on the forum happy to help with advice.
Ps, re the abuse and stalking you mention, there are support services out there you can contact for support..
Thank you, it is all lies, she has made up things i have said etc etc. its a farce. So i just turn up at court on that date do i and deny it all. I'm not paying solicitors. Can i not use evidence i have to get one back on her!
It's not as simple as turning up and denying as then the court will schedule a further hearing to look into the allegations and determine what to believe which in turn will decide upon whether to sign off the non mol for 6 or 12 months which may impact child contact.
It all depends on the allegations and evidence. One option is to go to court, deny and request to accept an undertaking that you will not contact ex and agree that the non mol can be signed off. However the non mol can impact child contact as if you are not allowed to contact ex (unless non mol says except for the purposes of child contact) then it makes it difficult to pick up/drop off etc..
It may be that you get to court and your ex is more amicable re child contact and only did non mol to secure legal aid... There are lots of variables and only you know your ex.
About using evidence you have, it all depends on your priorities. If you want child contact sooner then allegations she or you raise need to be looked at first to ensure there are no safeguarding issue so the more you throw in the more that needs to be looked at. If you want to you could reach out to an org that supports men with domestic abuse and gets some advice and guidance for free which may help you further.
Appreciate the replies. i will bullet point the replies back for each thing she has said. Basically what she has wrote is me doing to her what she has done to me!!! can i not spin it on its head and get a order against her? i am not lying down ive done nothing wrong. I will fight to the end with this be it 3/6/9/12 months time it will be me smiling when i get my child!! the system favours these lunatics too much. I cannot believe i have to go to a hearing to defend a load of lies.
Can anyone advise the best practice for myself. i am not paying for solicitors and letting her win that way either!!!
Who is the best charity to speak with and is it worth it? or am i better getting advice off here?
If you are looking for support re domestic abuse and some general advice, orgs to consider are Mensadviceline and Mankind Initiative..
It all depends on the advice you are looking for, general child arrangements etc forum members have some great knowledge. Domestic violence support, counselling, protecting yourself from further harassment etc these orgs are great.
@obsession1 There are smaller local charities too that support victims of domestic abuse. Try googling domestic abuse charities in your area. Smaller ones may have more capacity and are just as effective as the larger ones.