Long story short, me and my ex bought a house 2 years ago, we both put £15k each as a deposit, so £30k in total. We have 2 children together but she also has an older child that is not mine. We split up earlier this year and now I desperately want to sell the house so we can both start fresh, she can buy a home of her own as could I, I currently live with parents! She tried to get a mortgage in just her name to buy me out but was unsuccessful as she does not earn enough, but where most reasonable people would agree to sell which is the fair and right thing to do, she will not do anything until she can afford to buy me out, which is not going to be anytime soon. Now there is more than enough equity for her to take out with the sale and find something for herself but she is a very selfish person, the house now is very nice so she is completely unwilling to downgrade. Her argument is that shes doing it for the kids, don't get me wrong the kids come first, but she can easily get somewhere decent enough with the money she would get. Now obviously I cannot buy my own house as my money is in that house and I cannot go rent either as I cannot afford it. What am I supposed to do? how is it that this can happen? Any advice or guidance would be greatly appreciated!
Good morning Mathew79,
I sympathise with your plight. The moral of this story is 'never move out of the family home, never, never, never...'.
I'm afraid it will now be very difficult to force a sale as your ex-wife (although I'm guessing you are not divorced yet, otherwise there would have been a financial settlement and you would already know the answer to your question) appears to have residency of your two children, and will argue that she needs a house of that size to house them (and this will be a compelling argument to a court, who otherwise may see them as being homeless and so a problem for the state). Legally you do of course still own half the house (and therefore half the equity and the mortgage), but if your ex-wife will not agree it will be nearly impossible for you to realise that until the children are grown up. You could try to force a sale via the courts, but that may cost you more than the £15,000 you have invested.
This is a very common situation, it would be best if you came to an agreement with your ex-wife (as a part of your divorce settlement), so that perhaps she buys your stake some time in the future. The other option seems to be to wait until the children are adults...
Never move out of the family house, never, never, never ...
O
Hi There,
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I think as othen has said you could fight through the divorce court to enforce the sale but that isn't going to be cheap and will start to eat away at the equity you have in the property.
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I would try mediation so things can be discussed calmly, to see if you can reach an agreement for her to sale the house, or at least a date in the future when it will either be sold or she will buy you out.
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Are you still paying towards the mortgage? if you are seek some legal advice to check your options, I know you are still legally liable for the mortgage whilst your name appears on it, but you may be able to make an agreement that you pay maintenance for your children and she covers the mortgage which would free up some money for you. You need to be aware that if she can't (or doesn't) pay the mortgage though that the mortgage company will then come to you to recover the money that is owed.
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GTTS
Hi again Mathew79,
I have just got back from dropping my son at school and walking the dog, this issue has been bugging me throughout because I have a mate in a fairly similar position. As GTTS says, every case is different, so it is not certain what a court might say, but on the whole it is difficult to see that you would get any capital back if you pursued the legal route.
A court (guided by your ex-wife's lawyer) will see it that you have left your ex-wife to look after 3 children, she will argue that she (reasonably) needs a 4 bedroomed house to do that, and that if she sold the house (giving you half the equity) she would not be able to house them. This seems a fair assumption, as you said that she has tried to raise a mortgage to buy you out and failed. It seems unlikely (to me) that a court will order your ex-wife to sell your house in order to re-pay you, which would effectively make her (and your children) homeless. In the meantime a court might look at your circumstances and see no problem. Roger so far?
I'm guessing at numbers here, but if the £30,000 was a 10% deposit for a £300,000 4 bedroomed house in your area, then unless your ex-wife is in a very well paid job such than she can qualify for and service a £285,000 mortgage you are unlikely to see your £15,000 contribution back any time soon (unless that is you have been living in a 6 bedroomed villa with a swimming pool, so she can afford to downsize to a 4 bedroomed place for her and the children). The other issue that GTTS raises is the mortgage, which I'm guessing is a joint mortgage, this means that you are jointly and severally responsible for servicing (both the interest and the repayment means). As GTTS says, if you don't sort this out contractually, and your ex-wife stops paying it, then the debt collectors come after you for any arrears.
I sympathise with your plight Mathew79, and it is exactly the same one as I discussed with the mate I was telling you about at the start of this piece (he has 3 children as well, he also has a house he does not live in and is contributing towards a mortgage on it, so he cannot take out another domestic mortgage of his own). I'm afraid this is a very well trodden path: you are very unlikely to see any capital back from the venture, and there is a significant risk that if you don't do something about it then you could still be liable for arrears on a mortgage you have forgotten about in a decade's time.
GTTS suggests mediation, and I think this would be a really good idea as I can't help thinking you will depend on your ex-wife's goodwill to recover anything much. Without knowing the details I think the best you might hope for is an agreement to change the charge of the mortgage to your ex-wife (if indeed she can secure a mortgage that large) and an agreement to split the equity gain when she comes to sell it (probably when the youngest child is 18, or something similar). You have a liability to house your children, so perhaps this is what you expected anyway? The good news is that your children will have somewhere to live, and perhaps you can cut a deal whereby you pay CM in exchange from being removed from the mortgage deed.
This probably all seems very unfair, and of course it is, but the priority is your children so it is difficult to see that anything else will result. I always think it is best to concentrate on kids, and that is what I do with my son (which works really well). This will be a difficult time for you, but I would suggest that you grasp the nettle now and sort out the finances (the mate I told you of didn't, and things have not improved one iota for him in the past couple of years).
Good fortune Mathew73; be a good dad for your kids.
O
