1 week before the s7 report, my kid over voice calls has started to say to me she hates me and that i been hitting her while she has been with me on the weekends. i know the ex is putting her up to this, as my final hearing is also in a few weeks.
what do i do? will the courts see this as child manipulation by the ex? as all of a sudden my child is saying bad things against me so close to the hearing and s7 as a last resort by the ex to make me look bad.
any advice?
hi,
If you have contact details of the cafcass officer doing your s7 report, let them know about these incidents. I think you should avoid contacting your ex, in case you get drawn into some crazy arguments. you can also mention all this behaviour in your position statement or other statement that court asks you to prepare.
The cafcass report went against me. It said I say bad things to the child against her mother, which i don't. They sided with the mother and recommend I only get every other weekend. So the default is what I was recommended despite me having no finding of facts, despite me relocating closer to mother to make it easier on kids.
The only positive in the report that goes my way is when cafcass spoke to my child first thing she said was I want to live with mummy. So this shows the mother told her what to say.
Am I doomed in court for final hearing, I wanted 50/50... ?
I don't know why us fathers bother, we have no chance. Despite being clean, despite wanting to be more involved with my kids I can't. Its a loosing battle, I feel defeated and gutted.
hi,
for some odd reason it is still difficult for dads to get 50/50 in this country generally. my barrister told me I wouldn't stand a chance of getting it, due to the hostility between me and ex, although it stems from her. Cafcass are also like this, when they sense lot of hostility between parents, they think 50/50 arrangement will not work. Judges seem to like to go with the cafcass recommendations most of the time.
If 50/50 is out of question for you, you could instead argue for more time with the kids, like have them thu-mon every other week, or fri-mon, with a mid-week overnight each week, and half of school holidays etc. I have kids fri-mon and mon-tue every other week, and shared holidays.
Thanks Bill. I will still defo push for more access. Unbelievable mother carries on with accusations to cafcass and they side with her and mention these new accusations in their report against me. Despite me having no contact with ex lol.
To easy for mothers, they just have to show hostility and we sitting ducks. To other fathers all I say is don't bother, give up early and save yr money. Ask for default and get on with it.
I feel like a mug moving closer and turning my life upside down just to get default. Could have got that sitting where I was.
@Vik2001 I don't always think it's CAFCASS siding with mother but more mothers know to just show hostility and it takes 50:50 off the table (although it can feel like CAFCASS siding).. After all if you haven't spoken to ex for a while and she is hostile towards you then it's impracticle to make 50:50 happen.. 50:50 only works when both parents are amicable and on the same page and there is no conflict or hostility...
However as mentioned, ensure that at the very least you get more than what they are suggesting (mid week weds is always good especially as you have moved closer) but also nail down every aspect of contact eg school holidays (summer/half term/xmas/Easter etc), what happens on kids bdays, fathers day, going abroad eg how much notice and who holds passports and when are they handed over to other parent.. Xmas is always a contentious one.. Mothers (and their solicitors) know that the focus on trying to achieve 50:50 means focus is lost of some of the other crucial aspects and then use the lack of agreement to say no and be difficult forcing you back into court each time..
hi,
for some odd reason it is still difficult for dads to get 50/50 in this country generally. my barrister told me I wouldn't stand a chance of getting it, due to the hostility between me and ex, although it stems from her. Cafcass are also like this, when they sense lot of hostility between parents, they think 50/50 arrangement will not work. Judges seem to like to go with the cafcass recommendations most of the time.
If 50/50 is out of question for you, you could instead argue for more time with the kids, like have them thu-mon every other week, or fri-mon, with a mid-week overnight each week, and half of school holidays etc. I have kids fri-mon and mon-tue every other week, and shared holidays.
So is the split you got 60/40?
How did u get the extra mon /tuesdsy, was it in agreement with ex or did the judge decide? Was u going for 50/50?
Do you work during week? How old is your child? Its likely to be every other weekend as per recommendation. Why was there no midweek contact recommended though.. play and supper
In the s7 report it says if I live near by then Fri to Monday alternative weekends and shared holidays. There was nothing about mid week contact by cafcass.
The kids are 2 and 6. I work from home and have a very flexible job that allows me to take time of during day if needed to do drop offs etc.
Cafcass also said both parents should do the parenting course. However I already done this and provided them a copy of the certificate, but it seems they ignored it and failed to mention I done it. I did 5 other courses to and all certificates provided to cafcass.
They also said mother said I should give the kids back if I can't manage to look after them during half the shared holidays. My work report clearly stated from my manager that my work allows me to cater for the kids should I need to, plus I have enough annual leave. Cafcass clearly went by what mother said, and ignored my work report.
I have also moved closer so I could get better access ,changed my whole life for kids and location. The ex brainwashed kid who is 6 to say stuff against me like she doesnt like coming to see me and wants to stay with mummy. When kids are with me they love it, my contact centre reports confirm this also.
Cafcass said there is hostility between parents, but is all hostility the mother has created. I've never said anything against her, not even 1 allegation or bad word. I've kept it child focused but it didn't work for me.
hi,
for some odd reason it is still difficult for dads to get 50/50 in this country generally. my barrister told me I wouldn't stand a chance of getting it, due to the hostility between me and ex, although it stems from her. Cafcass are also like this, when they sense lot of hostility between parents, they think 50/50 arrangement will not work. Judges seem to like to go with the cafcass recommendations most of the time.
If 50/50 is out of question for you, you could instead argue for more time with the kids, like have them thu-mon every other week, or fri-mon, with a mid-week overnight each week, and half of school holidays etc. I have kids fri-mon and mon-tue every other week, and shared holidays.
So is the split you got 60/40?
How did u get the extra mon /tuesdsy, was it in agreement with ex or did the judge decide? Was u going for 50/50?
originally I went court and they gave every other weekend fri-sun, and few hours after school on wednesday. I returned to court less than year later because of ex. I asked for more time, and as both kids were now either in nursery/primary school, it was easier for cafcass to allow the mid-week overnights. she asked won't this affect my work, and I said no, work is flexible. I just asked cafcass for this in my interview, and they recommended. No I was not going for 50/50. barrister previously told me they won't give it, so I didn't see any point asking for it. instead I just asked for extra days like fri-mon, or 7 nights in summer holidays etc.
you can still ask for extra time even though cafcass did not recommend. depends at times on the judge. I had a good one that didn't want to see me in court again, so gave what I asked for.
@bill337 when you got every other weekend first time around did you fight for more? . Did u take it to the judge to decide the final outcome or is that what was negotiated ??