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Hi
I have two children with my girlfriend,we have been having bad times over the year mainly down to her wanting to cut my hours at work are not excessive at all.
I have been talking to her about splitting because the on going arguments are not good for the children and its been a year now and looks not to settle down.
she say's if I leave I will never see the children again and I can wast my money in court but I will never see them.
I have no criminal recorded and no reason why I can not be left alown with children.
but is this true can she permanently denied my access to my children,and do any one know how long these process will take.
I worry allot as one is only 15 mouth and the other is 4 weeks old I am frightened that the time we sort this out they would forget who I am and would not wont to see me.
Can any one help at all?
Hi Adcjen,
I am sorry to hear you feel like splitting from your girlfriend. You both seem to be having a difficult time.
I wonder whether the demands of two lovely young children have meant you don't have time for eachother.
Perhaps you might have other friends and relatives nearby who might help give you both a break from the children.
I wonder whether us men struggle a lot with the changes when newborn and young children demand everyone's energy.
You asked for some help around the legal side of things regarding seeing the children, so I will ask our legal experts to see what advice they are able to give you. They usually take a couple of days to post their reply to your thread, so keep checking.
Do keep posting. I have a strong sense that 'us dads' out here could be giving you some more support as you go through the early years of Fatherhood. I remember that the early years were tough for me and my wife because we didn't have time to 'enjoy' eachother's company - so it was sometimes as if we were not getting on. Looking backwards now, I can see that some extra help and some hours together would have helped us chat and sort things out quicker (without the demands of children).
Dear Adcjen,
We apologise for the delay in responding to your query.
The law states that it is a child’s right to see their parent, not a parent’s right to see their child. In many cases a child is not going to be able to exercise their own rights until they are at least a teenager, and not absolutely until they reach 16 years old. This does mean that until your children can decide for themselves it falls to the parent that they live with to make such decisions.
Generally it is for the parents to decide which parent the children will reside with, and when it comes to young children and babies they will often reside with the mother for practical reasons such as breast feeding.
Prior to any court action it is for the resident parent to decide who children will see, including the other parent, and they can control this as they wish but should be reasonable and allow contact when it is safe for the children to do so.
Should you and the mother split up and the children remain with her, then the first step is always to attempt to negotiate contact and to even suggest mediation as a way of coming to an arrangement that you are both happy with. The contact number for National Family Mediation is 01392 271610 and they can offer you further information on mediation.
If mediation is unsuccessful or the mother refuses to attempt this, then you are able to make an application to court at any time you wish to. You are able to apply for a contact order regarding the children, and this is a legally binding order that states the days and times that you are to see the children.
Once a court order is in place, the mother is expected to comply with this, and the courts are able to place penalties on her if she does not. The courts are very much in favour of children having contact with both parents and will grant an order in the majority of cases for this.
To apply for a contact order you can apply yourself, or using a solicitor either on a legal aid or privately paying basis dependant on your income. All court proceedings are different and the time scales can vary depending on any complexities that the case may have, but an average case takes between six and twelve months from the application being made to court and a final order being made.
Although the mother has said that she will not allow any contact regardless of a court order, the penalties for breaching a court order can be very serious and can include warnings and fines, being ordered to perform unpaid community work, having the children removed from her and placed with you and imprisonment. The mother should be advised by her solicitor and the court to comply with a court order to avoid any possible penalties.
We hope that this information is useful to you, should you require further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
