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Hi. My name is Anthony, this is the first time I have ever had to come on to here.
Me and my wife have split the beginning of march (2013) there are bad parts in us both.
She had 2 children before we met to of whic I accepted and supported for the last 3 years even when though their dads wasn't.
When my wife got pregnant with our little girl she started to get abusive tell me if I wasn't to do anything she said she would abort the baby. Come 6 months pregnant she told me she was to put the baby up for adoption after moving away from me. To this never come. I put all this down to the hormones, she then has tried to tell me that I was messaging my ex behind her back and to that she would check my emails phone calls texts and Facebook messages,
She seemed to get over this and then the baby was born (feb 2011) and every thing was what seemed to be fine..
The we started preparing for our wedding and her mood swings cam back.. But they was getting worse and more abusive. She would try and throw things at me or just generally called me names. Which of course I ignored.
Our first wedding annerversary came and went and she got even more worse... This is where me and her mother told her to go seek help from her gp.. He diagnosed her with servers depression and personality border disorder. And he arranged therapy.. While this was going on she would still be very abusive to me telling me I was doing the dirty on her.. I took all her abuse and much more.
I've lost friends and family because of her.
She started telling me that I do as I'm told or she would tell people I beat up her children or I verbally abuse them.
Like earlier said I took her two children on and yes I have shouted at them when they have been in the wrong. I have given the a small tap on the hand too but nothing that would mark or severely hurt them.
Now that I have removed my self from he house and took all that's need she is now telling me that I am not a father and have never provided.
She has defined access to see my 2 year old daughter to of which I have a very strong bond with. I was the first person to hold her, I was the one who took her from the nurse at 4 minutes of age.
She is a daddy's little girl.
( I know I have rambled a bit)
My questions are
Can she stop me seeing my daughter ?
What is the likely hood of me getting full custody of her?
Anthony.
Ps.
She has threatened to tell social workers that I ain't a fit farther because I have ADHD
She also tells me that she is going to 'dog' me in to benefits for fraud (I work 30 hours a week)
She tried to kill her 2nd born in 2007 by putting a pillow in her Moses basket and then took a over dose
Her 1st born was 'pushed' or 'fell' out of window 15 ft high.
My wife has various social services files and lots of evidence that she has been unfit in the past.
I have people that know her that can say she has left the kids on their own or dumped with anyone she can in the past.
I know people change but she isn't very well at the minute and if she can mentally abuse me what is she doing to her kids.
She tells her son and daughter to tell people I have beaten them
Hi
Are Childrens Services involved at all? If not, I would certainly suggest that you contact them as it sounds like there are serious safety concerns.
A simple answer to your first question is that if there is no contact order in place, then she does have control of contact, but she is expected to act reasonably in facilitating contact. If she is failing to do this (which she is) then look at mediation first, and if that fails, then a contact order.
It's difficult to say if you would get residence - a court has to have a good reason to move a child from where he/she is currently residing, so it depends on whether they are convinced of those reasons.
I'll ask the CCLC (children's legal centre) if they can pop on and give some advice on here, so keep checking back.
Dear Tojo88
Thank you for your post.
As you were married to your daughter’s mother, you have Parental Responsibility for her. This does not become void upon you divorcing hermother.
Parental Responsibility is defined in s.3(1) Children Act 1989 as being:
"all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child and his property".
As you have Parental Responsibility, you have equal rights and responsibilities towards your child with the mother.
Contact is always seen to be the right of the child and not the right of the parent and there is nothing set out in law which states the minimum amount of contact the non-resident parent should have. I
If however an amicable solution cannot be reached with the Mother, the first stage that we would advise to take would be to contact National Family Mediation on 0300 4000 636. Mediation is used to try and resolve any issues that parties have amicably without resorting to the Court process. Anything that is agreed in mediation is not legally binding.
If mediation does not work or is not deemed suitable, the final stage would be applying to the Courts for a Contact Order or a Residence Order. A contact order would set out the times for you to have contact with your daughter and a Residence Order would be asking for you daughter to reside with you on a full time basis. A Judge would hear all the evidence put before them by you and the child’s Mother. They will then make an Order that is in the child’s best interests. Once the Order is made it must be stuck to and any breach can be brought back to Court and the Order can be enforced.
To apply for either Order you would need to complete a C100 form which can be obtained from www.justice.gov.uk or from your local Family Proceedings Court. There is a fee of £200 for this application. As you have a child protection concern we would advise filing a C1a Form as well which can also be completed from the same place. There is an additional fee for this form but you would need to check that with the Court. Once you complete the forms you then need to lodge the forms at your Local Family Proceedings Court and then the Court will write to you with a hearing date.
If you do decide to go down the Court Order route we would strongly recommend that you look at the Welfare Checklist which is listed below. This is a checklist which the Judge will have to take into consideration when deciding to make an Order:
The Welfare Checklist - section 1 Children Act 1989
a)The ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child concerned (considered in light of his age and understanding);
b) His physical, emotional and / or educational needs;
c) The likely effect on him of any change in his circumstances;
d) His age, [censored], background and any characteristics of his, which the court considers relevant;
e) Any harm which he has suffered or is at risk of suffering;
f) How capable each of his parents and any other person in relation to whom the court considers the question to be relevant, is of meeting his needs;
g) The range of powers available to the court under the Children Act 1989 in the proceedings in question
Please note that your application for a Residence Order can be made on an emergency basis and we would advise taking your application to the Court desk and asking to be heard on an urgent basis.
In terms of the child protection concern we would strongly advise that you raise your concerns with Social Services.
If you do require further legal advice and you are not instructing a solicitor please feel free to contact our freephone advice line on 0808 8020 008 open 8am-8pm Monday to Friday. Alternatively you can contact us via our webchat facility www.childrenslegalcentre.com which is open Monday to Friday 9-6pm.
Yours sincerely,
Coram Children’s Legal Centre
Thank you for your help. On 15/03/2013 Friday I was issued with a c100 form from my wife. She has asically told her solicitor a load of bull about me which is defo not true.
But I have seen my solicitor. And she said I have a good case and got chance of getting ful day to day care. I just hope she's right. Chaff as are getting involved too as my wife's lies are concerning. But I just hope the judge sees she is lying and that they see she's mentally abused me 🙁
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