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Wife ran away with daughter

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cannedtuna
(@cannedtuna)
Active Member Registered

My wife gave birth in February. Ever since then, she changed. She was no longer the sweet loving caring wife I knew. She would try to start fights and talk to me very rudely.

I endured this for months and finally decided to book an appointment at my surgery to assess her for possible post natal depression. I did not tell her that I booked this appointment. She turned up ( I did not go with her ) to see the Doctor and God knows what she said. She came back and told me that the next day there was another appointment for her and our child. Next day, I dropped them off at the surgery and I was waiting for 2 hours in the car park.

I rang and she eventually picked up and said that she has told the Doctor everything and that for safeguarding reasons, she can't come with me. The doctor has informed social services and a family friend of hers would come and pick her up and they would have a police escort to that house. I stayed calm during the call. I went home and few minutes later, policia arrived and arrested me as my wife had made allegations that I was controlling and coercive. I was taken to the station but not detained as I had no previous DV complaints and I had never been arrested before. I was released instantly.I was told that I would be contacted for an interview to hear my side of the story. It has been a month and I have heard nothing.

The wife then came this week with policia to pick up her clothes.

In the one month that has gone by, she has not spoken to me at all. She has shown my daughter by Whatsapp video chat only couple of times. She has also stopped being co-operative and no longer shows her to me as she ignores my messages.

The family friend she went to .. I only know that lady's name and don't even know where she lives. That lady gave my wife training on what to tell the Doctor.

 

Now, I must add that I was suspecting something fishy going on ( hush hush phone calls by her where she hangs up if I enter the room ). I planted an audio recorder secretly for a few days two months ago and I heard that she was planning something with my in-laws. The day before she ran away, she also discussed this plan with her family friend. I acted as if I knew nothing but was mentally prepared.

What do I do now ? I do not want to get a child contact order as I have seen on the net that people have fought for 7 years or more and ended up spending tens of thousands! Surely she can't suggest make up allegations and walk away just like that?

 

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 09/07/2021 2:27 am
bcbcbbcc
(@bcbcbbcc)
Active Member Registered

I am very sorry to hear this! It is happening every day to fathers across the country. It is a shame the system and the state sponsor cruelty to men and fathers this way.

The child is so small, it is unlikely that you will be able to have some meaningful direct contact with the baby. She may have submitted a Non Mol application against you, and soon you will not be allowed to contact her. If you were abused before, you may consider acting sooner and applying for an order against her in the first place. But I don't know what will happen to her, as the system is so biased against men and even if you apply for a non mol against her, I doubt it will have any effect. It depends on what you want, it sounds that you want to have access to the child. The only way you can do that now is through the Court. Apply for an urgent order, and ask the court to reveal her address. Urgent hearings can take place within 24 hours I think, but it's usually for mothers to apply to take actions against fathers.

I'd not recommend you to hire a solicitor. There is very little they can do to achieve what you want at this stage. You will end up wasting too much money without achieving anything meaningful.

This is just opinion, not legal advice. In the end, you will have to make all the decisions yourself. But I feel your pain. Men and fathers must unite to stand up against such injustice and cruelty. I know that others here said that will prolong the process, and I agree. But if we all tolerate such injustice and do nothing, the situation will be worse for more men and fathers, and we will have sons who will become fathers in future. We do not want them to suffer and endure this in future.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 09/07/2021 4:45 am

warwickshire1
(@warwickshire1)
Honorable Member Registered

You will need to put in a c100 to apply for a child arrangements order.  It is possible she may be at a womans refuge unless u know the family friend in question. You havent heard from the police for over a month as its highly unlikely they need to speak to you as they let you go immediately last time. Family courts wont disclose address if they find out where she is . If u still got her number you could actually attempt mediation as mediatior would be able to contact her as they would have phone mumber before attending court. Also family courts could contact her by phone as long as she dont change number anytime soon

ReplyQuote
Posted : 09/07/2021 9:43 am
cannedtuna
(@cannedtuna)
Active Member Registered
Posted by: @bcbcbbcc

I'd not recommend you to hire a solicitor. There is very little they can do to achieve what you want at this stage. You will end up wasting too much money without achieving anything meaningful.

I have spoken to three solicitors who specialize in family law and all have told me that there is nothing I can do. They have told me in unison that "It's over" for our relationship. They have also told me to apply for a child contact order which costs

£215 for application
£450+vat for something ( their initial fees? )
£750+vat for each court hearing ( their fees )

 

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 09/07/2021 10:41 am

how contact centres work

cannedtuna
(@cannedtuna)
Active Member Registered
Posted by: @warwickshire1

You will need to put in a c100 to apply for a child arrangements order.  It is possible she may be at a womans refuge unless u know the family friend in question. You havent heard from the police for over a month as its highly unlikely they need to speak to you as they let you go immediately last time. Family courts wont disclose address if they find out where she is . If u still got her number you could actually attempt mediation as mediatior would be able to contact her as they would have phone mumber before attending court. Also family courts could contact her by phone as long as she dont change number anytime soon

She has already started using a new phone ( Me, the loving husband set up her Google account on the phone I bought for her ) as I received a notification. She sometimes uses her old SIM to make calls ( again, me, the loving husband still pays for her monthly contract ) as I can see call logs. I guess the next thing coming is a divorce. I am carefully protecting my assets before this comes.

What implication would there be if I found the address by Googling this family friend? Obviously, I could not turn up in person.
What if I do not apply for a child contact order?
Can I not make counter allegations to the police or sue her personally for defamation?

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 09/07/2021 10:48 am
Champagne
(@champagne)
Estimable Member

If she won't let you have contact with your daughter then the only way is to make a C100 application.  Before going down that route you could suggest that she lets you see your daughter at a family member's house.  You will need to try mediation before submitting the C100 but she may not agree to this and that needs to be submitted with the form.  You don't need a solicitor to do the application and you can represent yourself in court.  Its not unusual and there are guides on the Advicenow website.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 09/07/2021 11:13 am

top tips to support your child after breakup

Daddyup
(@Daddyup)
Honorable Member Registered

Hi

It all depends on what you want the outcomes to be.

I'd agree with solicitors that relationship is over. You will need to come to terms with this. Seek professional support if required.

The usual process is to sort child contact 1st then divorce, then financials. If you want contact with child then as advised you will need to submit C100 to the courts. You can self represent and avoid the majority of legal fees (some fathers pay for legal for the final hearing only if required). Although the police have not contacted you for a month, are you released under investigation and on bail or have they said no further action? Depending on which may impact upon any child contact order application and process.

Make sure that you protect financial assets esp liquid assets. For the purposes of financial order (after divorce) you need to provide the last 12 months of bank statements and other relevant docs so you can time transactions accordingly.

As others have said you can self represent to save on legal fees, the approach you take depends on what you want.

Its important to not contact your ex at all, not even indirectly to ask about child as it could put you in a difficult position. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 09/07/2021 12:35 pm
cannedtuna
(@cannedtuna)
Active Member Registered
Posted by: @Daddyup

Although the police have not contacted you for a month, are you released under investigation and on bail or have they said no further action? Depending on which may impact upon any child contact order application and process.

 

Make sure that you protect financial assets esp liquid assets. For the purposes of financial order (after divorce) you need to provide the last 12 months of bank statements and other relevant docs so you can time transactions accordingly.

 

Its important to not contact your ex at all, not even indirectly to ask about child as it could put you in a difficult position. 

I was only told that I would be contacted later for an interview to hear my side of the story. No bail was involved.

If within the last 12 months, I moved money to a family friend, how would this be analyzed? Obviously, it is no longer my money.

Why can I not contact my ex ? She has not started any legal proceedings against me.

 

I am still shocked at what has happened, despite knowing in advance that this was going to happen. I feel like slapping the effin Doc who got social services and policia involved rather than prescribing meds for her post-natal. Maybe I should have never made that appointment.
And, how ruthless was it of my wife? Did she not even think for a second about our child and how she would grow up without a father?  Maybe it was a mistake to have my child.
Sorry, I am currently in the land of Maybe's and If's.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 09/07/2021 1:05 pm

Bill337
(@bill337)
Famed Member

Hi,

I would recommend you apply for c100 child arrangement order as priority. the longer you leave things like this, the worse it will get for you. it is quite straightforward and you don't need to pay huge sums of money to lawyers for this.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 09/07/2021 2:55 pm
warwickshire1
(@warwickshire1)
Honorable Member Registered

@cannedtuna

 

You wont be able to sue her and you will cause yourself more problems making counter allegations. 

Submitting a c100 after attempting mediation is the only way. How long is left on mobile phone contract as you need to cut ties really especially now she has a new phone.

Ideally its best to represent yourself initially . Infact its the best way due to age of your child. With child only being 5 months if ex doesnt offer contact it will very limited until they reach 2.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 09/07/2021 4:25 pm

how contact centres work

Daddyup
(@Daddyup)
Honorable Member Registered

@cannedtuna with that being the case re police then as others have said, cut all ties re mobile etc and apply for the courts via C100 form and self represent.

Reason not to contact her is that you do not want to give her any opportunity to twist the contact into hsrassment/stalking as clearly at the moment you must be aware that she does not want you to contact her and therefore if you do contact her you risk her contacting the police alleging you are now harassing her. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 09/07/2021 5:16 pm
bcbcbbcc
(@bcbcbbcc)
Active Member Registered

I do believe that the advice you get here is more valuable than a solicitor's consultation. I understand how you feel at the moment, and it can be confusing to you. Totally understand you may not even know what on earth you want from this. You should end this relationship, if you don't, and even if she comes back, this will bite you for many many years to come, and it has left a deep scar in you, psychologically, emotionally, and probably financially. I don't know how strongly you feel about the child, if you want to be a good father, you will need to focus on your relationship with the child. If it involves domestic abuse, mediation does not work any more, just submit a form to the court to establish your contact with the child. Best wishes! You are not alone, there are many fathers in this country like you.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 09/07/2021 5:40 pm

top tips to support your child after breakup

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