I'm sorry to say but after more than 4+ years of being controlled by my ex i finally cracked and brokedown. i've told my story so far elsewhere on here so won't repeat it again.
i've had abot a year of what i can only describe as my own [censored]....
In the middle of last year after only a few months of seeing my son alone, my ex started messing me around...telling me where to take my son n where not to....who could see him n how....all sorts of rubbish....then she started with the "he's not coming tomorrow so don't turn up" routine...this happend 3 or 4 times in a couple of months....so Oct 2010 i applied for a defined contact order to stop her messing me around....Nov 21st was the last full day i saw my son 😥 she got the court papers that follwoing week.....
5th dec Court got postponed through the bad weather
14th Dec Court suggested based on the contact i had been having everyweek that contact should be reinstated.....
18th Dec i had a day with my son....we had a great time...visited the Xmas displays, father Xmas at the winter wonderland in a big local garden centre...a really great day.
26th Dec... 3 hrs! and she was late to meeting point!
that was it until mid feb when i got 1 hr with my son...with Cafcass...went great...cafcass very happy that my son is not acting like some kid who is scared of me as his mother has now alledged!
but that didn't please her!!! she reffused any further contact....
back to court on 1st April....court ordered she makes my son available for contact at a dedicated one-on-one contact centre...she agreed....she turned up 3 times....each time i had to take time off work cos she wouldn't do weekends...not a problem...i have holidays i can take as n when i need and an understanding boss.
she turned up 3 times but wouldn't let my son go to the contact staff.....even though they tried to get her to...she wouldn't let go and in their words "clung to him for dear life" ....
All good for me they tell me......
on the 4th visit after she had been spoken to by cafcass....i got 1 hr with my son....another success the contact people saw the same as cafcass and not how she described him with me....her lies are now much worse but getting taken apart by the people who can see...cafcass and the court apointed contact centre people.
when i said i had a bad year you may all think well thats the same as what we have had to go through....and i wish it was all.....
22nd Dec 2010 i got home to running water through the ceilling of the house i lodge in with my brother...its his house but he only back some weekends......during the freeze n thaw just before Xmas....the mains water feed to the central heating top up tank in the loft burst....brought ceilings down n gutted the house and pretty much everything in my room took the brunt of it.
because the damage was so bad the house we were moved to hotels for 3 months while the drying team did what they could....the insurance eventually put us in rented house in a lovely village close by.
the other problem is my dog was also made homeless...a beautiful gentle natured German Shepherd...my best mate who has helped me through all my troubles the last few years....not sure where i'd have been without him around.
Well he ended up at my parents from 22nd Dec last year....until he became too much for them in April....i had a month to rehome him they told me....my brother won't let me take him back to the house when its all new n rebuilt....i was forced to find elsewhere for him....lots of arguments n problems with me and my parents....a lot to do with their frustration over my situation with my son...they not seen much of their grandson since all this started.
Anyway the ex ended up taking him back....which means i now don't see my son or my dog......n never sure i will see or have them every again.
add to this that i have had several visits from the police....all over false harassment claims by my ex! this is the bit i can prove my innocence on....and i have had to raise a formal complaint against nottinghamshire police last week as they wrongly issued my ex an harassment warning for texts to me.....which she never did but they gave her the warning cos they got the reason for them seeing her wrong.....she being legally trained ripped them apart and got that warning reversed....quite rightly too.....but i now have to prove i never did any of what she said to the police i did....all of which i can prove as i've not deleted any message between us since nov 2010....i have others dating back to 2009 as well just in case.
So....with everything the last few years have thrown at me is there any wonder i'm on anti-depresents? well not really....however....i am not depressed....but just frustrated and Stressed.....
Amazing really that i'm still here.......but my Dog and best friend kept me breathing.....and my son kept my focus on my priority.....to live to see him grow in to a good decent man one day....and realise that the lies his mother spread are just that...all lies that i will prove to him when he is old enough to understand that i never walked out on him....i walked out on her because she wouldn't let me be there for him like my dad was for me.....
my son is my life and i will fight until my last breath to see him grow up.
Dad-in-d
Hey Dad-in-d,
Hows it all going? Any further update?
Ron
Still a rubbish year and very little end in sight.
25th Aug is the contested direction hearing date.
the Police have certainly taken a good look at my complaint against them and seem to think i have a case they have to answer to, whether they will actually reverse them and then issue the ex with them i can only pray and hope for justice to be done.....but i am a man...a father with a bitter ex....an ex with a Law degree......so basically i'm screwed unless there is a divine intervention 🙄
My Statement has been sent to my solicitors for them to add their legal points to, that needs to be filed with court next week.
so now its waiting another few weeks.....then will i see my little boy again? who knows! if they find in my favour he should have contact with me.....i've still to get her to actually do it! and that then i fear is my next battle.........she did say when she got issued court papers that "no court in the land was gonna make her do anything against her will!" hope she was just trying to call my bluff!....only thing is i never bluffed....i haven't backed down on my fight to ensure my son has contact with me.
Fingers crossed so hard now
Dad-i-d,
Im loving your stubborn determination brother!!
Hang in there - its a long term game and you have a huge part to play in his life regardless of how your ex behaves!
Its moments like these that you realise the truth of your son being stuck in the middle, and yet I fear whilst you've understood that and are trying to take a mature view of getting on with life, your partner may not have done... lets hope for some good mates (or a judge) to talk some sense to her.
Never give up bro and keep in touch - hanging in there with you.
Ron
I'm sorry to say but after more than 4+ years of being controlled by my ex i finally cracked and brokedown. i've told my story so far elsewhere on here so won't repeat it again.
i've had abot a year of what i can only describe as my own [censored]....
In the middle of last year after only a few months of seeing my son alone, my ex started messing me around...telling me where to take my son n where not to....who could see him n how....all sorts of rubbish....then she started with the "he's not coming tomorrow so don't turn up" routine...this happend 3 or 4 times in a couple of months....so Oct 2010 i applied for a defined contact order to stop her messing me around....Nov 21st was the last full day i saw my son 😥 she got the court papers that follwoing week.....
5th dec Court got postponed through the bad weather
14th Dec Court suggested based on the contact i had been having everyweek that contact should be reinstated.....
18th Dec i had a day with my son....we had a great time...visited the Xmas displays, father Xmas at the winter wonderland in a big local garden centre...a really great day.
26th Dec... 3 hrs! and she was late to meeting point!
that was it until mid feb when i got 1 hr with my son...with Cafcass...went great...cafcass very happy that my son is not acting like some kid who is scared of me as his mother has now alledged!
but that didn't please her!!! she reffused any further contact....back to court on 1st April....court ordered she makes my son available for contact at a dedicated one-on-one contact centre...she agreed....she turned up 3 times....each time i had to take time off work cos she wouldn't do weekends...not a problem...i have holidays i can take as n when i need and an understanding boss.
she turned up 3 times but wouldn't let my son go to the contact staff.....even though they tried to get her to...she wouldn't let go and in their words "clung to him for dear life" ....
All good for me they tell me......
on the 4th visit after she had been spoken to by cafcass....i got 1 hr with my son....another success the contact people saw the same as cafcass and not how she described him with me....her lies are now much worse but getting taken apart by the people who can see...cafcass and the court apointed contact centre people.when i said i had a bad year you may all think well thats the same as what we have had to go through....and i wish it was all.....
22nd Dec 2010 i got home to running water through the ceilling of the house i lodge in with my brother...its his house but he only back some weekends......during the freeze n thaw just before Xmas....the mains water feed to the central heating top up tank in the loft burst....brought ceilings down n gutted the house and pretty much everything in my room took the brunt of it.
because the damage was so bad the house we were moved to hotels for 3 months while the drying team did what they could....the insurance eventually put us in rented house in a lovely village close by.
the other problem is my dog was also made homeless...a beautiful gentle natured German Shepherd...my best mate who has helped me through all my troubles the last few years....not sure where i'd have been without him around.
Well he ended up at my parents from 22nd Dec last year....until he became too much for them in April....i had a month to rehome him they told me....my brother won't let me take him back to the house when its all new n rebuilt....i was forced to find elsewhere for him....lots of arguments n problems with me and my parents....a lot to do with their frustration over my situation with my son...they not seen much of their grandson since all this started.
Anyway the ex ended up taking him back....which means i now don't see my son or my dog......n never sure i will see or have them every again.add to this that i have had several visits from the police....all over false harassment claims by my ex! this is the bit i can prove my innocence on....and i have had to raise a formal complaint against nottinghamshire police last week as they wrongly issued my ex an harassment warning for texts to me.....which she never did but they gave her the warning cos they got the reason for them seeing her wrong.....she being legally trained ripped them apart and got that warning reversed....quite rightly too.....but i now have to prove i never did any of what she said to the police i did....all of which i can prove as i've not deleted any message between us since nov 2010....i have others dating back to 2009 as well just in case.
So....with everything the last few years have thrown at me is there any wonder i'm on anti-depresents? well not really....however....i am not depressed....but just frustrated and Stressed.....
Amazing really that i'm still here.......but my Dog and best friend kept me breathing.....and my son kept my focus on my priority.....to live to see him grow in to a good decent man one day....and realise that the lies his mother spread are just that...all lies that i will prove to him when he is old enough to understand that i never walked out on him....i walked out on her because she wouldn't let me be there for him like my dad was for me.....
my son is my life and i will fight until my last breath to see him grow up.
Dad-in-d
Can understand it really feels bad. But appreciate your patience and determination to get back your kid. This shows how much you love and care about him.
but i am a man...a father with a bitter ex....an ex with a Law degree.....
Did you marry my ex? 😮
I've never been through such a storm but I have been through stress and depression. They are not the same but I think they often come together in a kind of double-whammy especially for us men. The pain and frustration of wanting to solve problems and help in tough situations and realising we don't have the support we would expect are pretty stressful; and when the anger builds up it can be a powerful trigger for depression (I've suffered this from work- and family-related issues in the past).
Remember that that law is there for a reason - but it's not the whole of any story. Keep your good intentions intact and remember that even doing a very small bit of good each day makes a difference...
Stress is good if it motivates you but it's bad if it wears you down. Many factors can contribute to the stress you experience, and this stress can cause changes in your body that affect your overall physical, mental, and emotional health.
Depression is more serious and long-lasting than stress, and requires a different kind of help. In a 2010 survey by the American College Health Association, 28% of college students reported feeling so depressed at some point they had trouble functioning, and 8% sought treatment for depression.
The good news is that depression is a highly treatable condition. However, it's not something you can snap out of by yourself, so it's important to get help. How do you tell the difference between stress and depression? Both can affect you in similar ways, but there are key differences. Symptoms of depression can be much more intense. They last at least two weeks. Depression causes powerful mood changes, such as painful sadness and despair. You may feel exhausted and unable to act.