Ah, I suppose I was lucky (if that's the right word) - my contact was near where the children lived, so my travel each way was just me.
I started this blog what seems like a lifetime ago, although it is only 7 weeks. Having said that, I have for months before that been denied overnight stays at my home. The worst time of my life without doubt. For anyone in despair tonight, I have been there, read my 1st post. The night I typed that, Ive never felt so low. I remember it so vividly. What followed my post was a night unable to sleep, I barely slept a wink. As a consequence, I was so tired and emotional, both enjoying the visit and dreading every second that flew by before the inevitable teary goodbye. I held the tears a bit until he had gone and then as usual had the crippling angst to which a lot of you can relate where you simply disintegrate when you are out of sight.
To anyone who feels like it will never work out tonight, I said in my opening of this blog that one night I wanted to type when my son was asleep in my house. That night is this weekend...I cannot describe the joy I feel...
Never give up hope, fight for them, no matter what [censored] you are put through, perseverance will always sustain you easier than giving up...The snails pace with which these situations move nearly finished me but the thought of this weekend at some stage occurring sustained me at my lowest ebb.
I think this site is worth its weight In gold...Stick in, our children deserve it.
Hey, give yourself a pat on the back BD. Have a fantastic time this weekend, the first of many to come!
evening folks, the second overnighter this weekend, again the euphoria takes over, I cant help it. I wish I could contain it to some degree and maybe the distinction in emotions of arrival and departure wouldn't be so opposite of the emotional spectrum.
See you tomorrow son...great day planned. Lets have a brilliant time enjoying ourselves and giving you a brilliant time. Leave me to deal with the down part, that's my problem but I promise you I will do everything to prove to you from now until eternity of my desire to be a positive role model and your Daddy.
Sleep tight son, Ill see you tomorrow. you will get a better sleep than me, Ill not be able to for utter excitement...
Aw that's very moving Bd. You are a fantastic Dad and one day he will tell you how proud he is of you.
Hope you have had a great weekend mate with your little one
So here I am on the cusp of xmas eve and day, two days I have dreaded with all my heart since my split with my ex. I have just reread my 1st post. I cannot believe how far I have come. Overnight visits now the norm regularly. Still I have some downs but crying is now the exception to the rule and not the rule as it was for the 1st 4 or 5 months.
Unlike before I can now rationalise things better. Xmas day will not be enjoyable but Ive thrown myself into my social life, out with friends tomorrow night, boxing day, match on Saturday, out again sunday before my wee man joins me next week to celebrate new year with me and my family and friends for 5 nights, something that was incomprehensible to me in what seems a lifetime ago when I posted the 1st time on this blog.
I can now eat, work, socialise, indulge in the things I enjoyed pre split and finally have an element of life back. Ironically, my relationship with my son which has always been great seems to be even greater now that I am free of the constraints I now see that I had in a relationship that had run its course which I was to afraid to admit to myself.
I used to worry about nonsense, utter nonsense, infact I would say I was the biggest worrier known to mankind but there days have gone since I have been dished the biggest dose of perspective ever that I never seen coming when we were separated.
Who knows if Xmas day will bring tears, maybe it will but these tears wont last forever like I feared the would. Very soon, I shall have the magical time I dreamed of every minute of every day at the beginning of this nightmare.
How I have managed I do not know. I realise we are all at different stages in our battles and am aware that my position is quite good compared to others. We are all on here for the same reason though, we love our boys and girls and will never give up.
Merry Xmas to you all and best wishes for 2015. 2014 has been the worst year of my life by far and I cant wait to be shot of it.
BD
You've come a long way mate since your first posts good on you 🙂
Good post BD - glad you have seen how far you have come, and in a relatively short time. That should give you hope for the future 🙂
Hope you enjoy xmas and maybe next year it will be with your son.
Evening Guys, please ignore my self pitying post of the other night. Like most of us on here my emotions are still, albeit less frequently, registerable on polar opposites of the emotional spectrum. I post this tonight hoping it will help some of the especially newer members, some of which are at the beginning position I was which hard to believe is approaching a year in my case. In some ways I cant believe its been a year nearly, its went so quick yet in other ways, the excruciating pain of the methodical painstaking cautionary process has made every second feel like a passing month.
Have a wee read of my opening post if you are new, if for nothing else to see that progress can be made. Slim often says it, your destined to be part of your childs life if you simply remain determined to be so. It wont go as quick as we would like but you will get there.
I vividly remember my best mates telling me, 'next year at this time will be so much better', the very words, the implication that I could somehow survive a year of this utter torture and somehow this should comfort me as I tortured myself thinking that I may never see my child again. How could I survive a year? How could I evolve beyond the utter emotional wreck I had become. I have been to thousands of football matches to see my team. a distinct memory was two or 3 months in, having been forced to go to the 1st game of the season with my friends, I was utterly scared in a big crowd, amazing given that I have barely missed a game home or away in 30 years. My very core was rocked to the point that even going into the newsagent for a newspaper was a test. If the newsagent had given me the wrong change, I would probably have just left it at that as even questioning them and inviting even the remote possibility of them disagreeing with me, would have had me in tears and my heart beating ten to the dozen. id transformed from someone renowned of being fairly articulate and capable and with a reputation of not letting people walk all over them to a quivering wreck.
As Slim says, I just had to knuckle down and do everything that was asked. I remain in the court system and guess I will till everything is finalised but for now with regular overnight visits and prolonged holiday stays, crucially its unlikely things would ever get worse than they are now. One of my coping mechanisms is that I now refuse to use the word 'contact'. I don't have 'contact', I just 'be a dad' like any other good father.
This opening blog contrasts deeply with now. I have tonight just finished booking my travel plans to journey to get my child for there and back to my home town for the easter holidays that are being spent with me. I honestly could not comprehend this happening at the outset of this blog. I felt like the loneliest man in the world and some recent posters are at the stage I was approaching a year ago. You have got to hang in.
Another reason I've typed this today is a lovely lady I work with today told me the most heart breaking story. A young man in my home town, ended his own life just a few weeks ago. It was reported as these things are in the local paper, just under the normal guise of a young man dying with the associated quotes from a friend or family member. What was not reported was that this young man took his own life primarily as he was being denied the chance to be a father to his child and simply could not cope anymore. What scares me Is that now Im stronger, there is no chance I would do that, but it was something I contemplated in my darkest months at the outset and really scares me now. in the end I never because I could never be the dad I wanted to be in that position and it would have done untold emotional damage to my child which would have been really selfish of me.
In the wise words of my friends, if you are new to this as some of the posters are, 'think about next year at this time'. Like me, these words for anyone at the beginning of this nightmare will horrify you, how can you cope a year, well you can. it does get more bearable. Concentrate and celebrate each step to your goal, however small. Rationalise your progress against the very beginning and how far you come and not against what you maybe used to have if it was much better. Believe me, 'next year' will come and you will be much better.
I am not the font of all knowledge I just want you to know it does and will get better. I found talking so helpful in my darkest hour. If I can be of any help to anyone, drop me a message. If anyone and I mean anyone has no one to talk to, ill give you my phone number and you can phone me and ill listen and try and help in anyway I can.
I was 'lucky', I had family and friends who realised the danger of my situation to myself and basically rallied round to assist me. I know not everyone is as 'lucky' as me with family and friends. if that's you and your like me crying over and over again or torturing yourself with negative thoughts, drop me a msg and ill get back to you.
'Last year at this time', I had no idea how to survive but survive I did because like all of you I am fighting for the most important thing in the whole world after all. Live by that principle and it will see you through I promise.