[Solved] HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!! CRAZY BABY MOTHER

Hi There and welcome to the site,

Your not alone and finding this site will help you a lot, there is a vast amount of experience here from most angles and we have legal and child services aboard too.

What your feeling is normal and unfortunatly not uncommon, however there is plenty you can do, taking legal action to be able to see your child is an option and there is a guide in the legal section written by Yoji explaining how, it doesn't have to be an expensive option as you can represent yourself.

This sounds daunting but really isn't as bad as it sounds and can work out better than having a solicitor there with you.

from reading on this site and experience females are no different then we are really, they want to spend as much time with thier children as we do, the difference is they have them with them and can find it easy to deny access.

The courts and mediation system are used to dealing with these issues and are pretty good at seeing through any false lies or reasons they may have at stopping access.

I'm here most of the day so please feel free to talk and let me know more and i'll see what I can do to offer advise.

Darren

thank you... i have contacted the mediation and a legal aid advisor solicitor, theyre are wqriting to her to propose some conditions.

im just so fed up tired and scared of what my life is gonna be like .. i still love her but with what shes done and the way shes carrying on im scared of what im gonna do she is so unresnoble

and she wont sit down and talk she just thinks shes right.. id sacrifice all of my beliefs so that my boy has a good up bringing...

i dotn know how much more of this i can take.. im having suicidal thoughts everyday and they are getting stronger...

i dotn know how long i can go on

I well coming here is a good start.

tell me how you feel today, are you feeling any worse than any other day?

yes she just is impossible... and i dont want to live like this... i think ive just had enuff... i have reached breaking point and its getting worse why do they feel they have every right to do this to someone... ive begged and begged but shes carrying on like i deserve all this...

Hi Crazy Baby Mother,

Welcome to DadTalk - wow you sound like you are going through a really tough time at the moment.

Have you thought about talking to your GP about how you are feeling? Trust me it would be a good idea.

Because of how low you are feeling I would also like to give you details for the Samaritans, if you are considering suicide then please speak to them first. They can be contacted at any time and the service is totally confidential. Their phone number is 08457 90 90 90 or you can email them jo@samaritans.org.

Keep talking to us.
Gooner

Hey welcome to the forum and thanks for being so honest about how you are feeling and the suicidal thoughts.

As you've no doubt seen many Dads on here have, or are where you are mate, and feelings of desperation, anger, hopeless- and helpless ness are 'normal' when a crisis like this is happening.

Like Darren - I guess I want to aks if today is any worse? And whether you've had suicidal thoughts before?

Happy to 'listen' bud, tell us more

Buzz

I'm sure you don't deserve it, there is help available to get through this.

I know I have been where you are now and it feels like you have no where to turn, talking here is the first steps to finding help and support to get through,

stay talking and tell me how or what I coan do to help?

Hi

Just read your post.

Loads of dads on here have felt similar to you. Trust me it does get better.

What's your sons name?

Hi Crazybabymother,

Welcome to Dadtalk. I can hear your pain brother - have you spoken to your GP or Accident and Emergency about your suicidal thoughts?

You have lots to live for - hang in there.

Ronaldo

im not gonna call the samaritans... im not crazy this b* is just pushing me too far now.. how can she hold all the cards on my life?? why dosnt she just f*** fix up and stop going on abou the past...

now i know i never wanted the baby and wasnt ready to be a father.. but she knew the day i saw his little eyes and tiny nose i melted.. i cant explain the feeling...

now that shes taken him away from me registered him and not even given him my surname.. all to prove a point and to make me upset... its working im upset now i feel helpless

i wanna punch her in the face so hard i knock her head off... ive never hit her or be violent im a very peacefull person.. but shes pushing me to the end of reason...

i wont kill myself im just venting anger and rage built up inside.

Vent away! Sh1tty times!

shes called him alex

As already said,

Vent away, this is a safe place for venting and letting off steam.

You can and will be there for Alex, use this site for advice on how to make that happen,

you have plenty of options, she will push your buttons because she can, it's hard not to react but that really is the best way to deal with it as then she doesn't win.

Vent away! Sh1tty times!

Couldn't agree more Ron.

OK - Glad that you are not needing to call the Samaritans.

Angry is perfectly ok . It must be frustrating being in your position.

Alex is a great name.

how long ago did you split up with your ex?

you have plenty of options, she will push your buttons because she can, it's hard not to react but that really is the best way to deal with it as then she doesn't win.

I agree with Darren - you can and will be there for Alex, and there are lots of mates on here anytime you need us!

its really f**ked me up...

we was supposed to move in.. now im homeless staying on a mates floor

im in a bad way crying everyday i in a [censored] job.. i have no life now all i had was her and my boy...

this is so f**ked up...

i feel so alone and scared of what shes doing.. if shes found someone and i really dont know wot to do with myself...

what is wrong with bitches these days.. i think they all have there stupid single mum friends who feed them bullshit like hes no good you dont need him bla bla bla... f**king [censored] i am really starting to hate her... if you knew what ive been threw ud wonder why i havent topped myself already... shes a fuckign knightmare

heres the full story...

im 30.. met my gf about a year ago…

she fell pregnnt and if im honest i never wanted it. and told her

wrong i know but its how i felt.. now she told me shes keeping it..

i wasnt happy and was quite upset for a few months but the moment i held that little boy in my arms my world changed

i loved him and knew i had to do anything i can to make this work.

but it was not a happy time..

soon after the baby was born we began to argue

over his name… her tellin me i never wanted him etc…

she even hacked into my emails and facebook and saw messages id sent about her.

now she then went and registered the baby and didnt put me on the birth certificate.

also gave him a name i didnt like…

so i guess i have myself to blame for all this?

if i hadnt been so against it from the start wud this be happening to me now?

ive cried myself to sleep everynight wondering how someone can be so mean…

all i can say is when it comes to babies choose the mother carefully.

cos there is no way out of this… no matter what i do ill be wrong…

ill always be blamd for not wanting him in the beginning…

now i have no home.. no baby and no gf..

thoughts of topping myself often come into my head

but the only thing that keeps me going is that little boys smile..

You have clearly been through a lot and it's natural to feel this way it really is.

I've been there too and it feels like there is no where to turn, when there is, there's lot's of help availible and we can help arrange that for you if you'd like us too

thank u so much all of you... it does help to talk..

im sorry for bein so negative.. im sure u all have your own issues.. .im so sorry

That's good it's good you have something to keep you going and what better than your child's smile.

it will stay with you and when he grow's up and know's you as his dad, you will always remember how you felt when you first saw him

thank u so much all of you... it does help to talk..

im sorry for bein so negative.. im sure u all have your own issues.. .im so sorry

Don't worry, we are all here to help, we have all been through rough times and are happy to share our experience's with you.

I am sat at a desk at work with not much going on so feel free to chat away

but the only thing that keeps me going is that little boys smile..

That's a great thing to focus on man. Keep thinking of his smile.

Good to talk - so true! Man it's all coming your way at the moment. You are right thou - there is nothing like holding your son for the first time - no one can take moment from you

im sorry for bein so negative.. im sure u all have your own issues.. .im so sorry

It's fine this is what the forum is all about.

Nothing to say sorry for! You hit rock bottom and its your time to talk and ours to listen - i'm sure there will be other times in life when its the other way but for now its about you.

I am still concerned about you saying you have suicidal thoughts though - I know you said you wouldn't call The Samaritans but could you go and see the GP instead?

Buzz

You said you had a solicitor? what have they told you so far about the process of getting contact with Alex?

il try make an appontment.. dont think it will help much.. just wish someone cud talk to her and make her see sence..

I have just caught up on all this.

CBM trust me it does get better - In your situation I would be feeling both angry and powerless as well. just keep focused on the fact that you want to win access to your wonderful son.

Sounds like your break up was not great, I would guess that both you and your ex are very angry at each other. If you don't mind me asking, How long ago was the split?

il try make an appontment.. dont think it will help much.. just wish someone cud talk to her and make her see sence..

Excellent - you need to try to tell him/her exactly how your feeling and what you have gone through recently. Don't worry if it sounds like your moaning or ranting - it won't sound like it to them.

Check out this article on the site Chased by the black dog. Max is a friend of the site, he went through a different set of situations but I think emotionally was in a similar place to yourself.

il try make an appontment.. dont think it will help much.. just wish someone cud talk to her and make her see sence..

I often think this of my ex, the thing that keeps me sane is my son and how I feel about him.

Alex will keep you going and will i'm sure get you to the point of being able to reason with his mum.

This probably seems a long way off at the moment, but slowly it will come and you will be able to allow what she does and says to just go over your head, as already said there is clearly a lot of anger between the both of you and things seem very raw at the moment, time will allow that to settle and although the 2 of you will probably never really see eye to eye, you will be able to talk for the sake of Alex

we broke up 5 days after he was born.. hes now 5 weeks old

this really is very raw at the moment, it will get better.

I have made such a big step by talking about how you feel, and how it has effected you.

the more you talk the better you will feel.

does it feel better to have got this off your chest?

Tell us more about your self,

how old are you, what interest do you have?

we are here to talk about worries and troubles, but we are also pretty good at talking about random stuff too

im gonna put you all in the picture.. ill upload an email from her,.,

This is what she sent to me...

On a mature level i will only be sending you this once and you will have to respect my wishes.

Your angry because your keeping things built up inside you is not my concern the only concern that i have is making sure that not only is our alex happy but also myself.

I am not happy with you and i am alot happier on my own i told you this before.
Beofore i got with you you knew what i had gone through all the arguments and fights and all the controlling and demands that Mr XX gave me.
Your doing the same [censored].
You do not love me you cant love me, for you to have done what you did.
Yes i read what u did on facebook but what was said was when you dumped me - remember when i said that your work collegues couldnt come to the home alex lives at when i dont know them. Also when i told you my mum will not live around you.

I will not put her behind you she is the woman who gave birth to me and my arguments with my family are not yours so i dont know why you take it apon yourself to try tell me she cant come into my home unless its convient for you.

You slagged me off telling the whole world that i was a prosititute a druggy and a criminal and your gonna drag me threw the courts kicking and screaming. And you want me to trust you.

You think that after reading that im gonna forgive you.

I told you before when you told your friends what i done do not be discussing my past with anyone yet again you did.

I can not forgive you for that and to be honest your lucky i even let you see alex for what you done.

So yes i did read what you put on facebook and yes i did see the websites for single parrents you didnt exactly wait long did you.

Thats the last thing that should of been on your mind after we split.. Your just the same as every bloke.
I thought you was diffrent.
Yes we have a child together im not deniying that i fully acknowledge that we have a son and that is all we have.

You are my sons father nothing more and nothing less I dont care if you signed up to meet anyone or talk to anyone its non of my concern what you do from now on nor is it anything to do with you about me.

I will not bring random men into our sons life so no he will not be raised by anyone other than myself i dont know what you take me for.

I am not stopping you from seeing alex ive said that from the start i never text you back yesterday because i left my phone at home and didnt get back till late.

I am sorry that you feel depressed and are feeling down but this is not my fault maybe you knwo how i was feeling when my boyfriend told me to kill another baby and the stress about ruining his life but on me and our unborn baby or maybe the dressing state the last 7 months of my life has been like.

You went online to make sense of no situation because the situation can not be made sense of.
Yes I did promise you that i would give him your surname but this was long before alex came along and you started your bullshit so things changed when you started to stress me out about not allowing me to have a say in what my son was called. I made a sugesztion and a compramise to name him just his second name but i couldnt even have that.

You do not deserve to give him your name. I have every right to register my son without you and i have every right as his mother to do what i feel best.

I said that you can see bubba on sunday at the flat but i have not seen a reply.

Yes i did delete you off my facebook because your too f***ing nosey looking on my wall i dont look at your wall and weather or not i talk to Mr XX or not is non of your buisness its public not in my inbox so i have nthing to hide.

And if i chose to talk to him i shall im not bringin him into alexs life. Im not dropping my kniockers am i ? NO! But the same applys for me.. If you meet someone i cant say nothing.

And if i want to change my facebook name i can - No biggy! I know that your not going to walk out on alex i never said that you was.

I aint throwing away anything you threw it all away when you acted the way you did when i was pregnant during my pregnancy after my pregnany.

Demanding and ordering me and trying to control me and i must just let it all go your own way.

I dont need to go councilling with you theres nothing to be saved.
Alex is not going to be a confussed little boy, He will be a confident little boy who knows that he is well loved and cared for.

I know your trying to be a father to your son i am not stopping you am i.
We said that we would sort out what days to come and see him and if im free then your welcome to come and see him.
Im not even sure why your even emailing me when you know its not gonna change [censored].. like i said before we see eachother becuse your alexs dad your welcome to come into the flat for a few hours on the days that were both free alex can not leave me untill his about 2yrs properly so until then we will have to be civil and get on.

I aint intrested in making things work too much has happened. I didnt cheat on you, sign up to datin websites, slag you off or put you threw the [censored] you put me threw and all i did was try and make things wrk for alex.

Your mum can come and visit alex on one of the days that you come and visit him. Your mum and has not even phoned to see how he has been in nearly 3 weeks but they were quick to slag you off and kick you out but my mum takes you in and puts a roof over your head you saved hundred while being at my mums and all you had to do was pay half toward the shopping thats all but yet your tellin me you find my mum annoying and you hate her after what i went threw having been cut open and dealing with our son unwell under lights all you have to say is you really hate her. While i was suffering in a rank hostel you did nothing to put a roof over our heads you just banked on me gettin a place or id have to pay half of my savings for a deposit after you was working.

Made her feel uncomfortable in her own home... even made me feel quite uncomfortable. There alot more other [censored] that happned but its long id be here all day if that was the case. Any way allow it its done we have reachedthe climax of the relationship.

Just let me know when your coming to see him.

Ive got an appointment with the social in the week. Will need to start contribulting towards your son.

Alex is going threw a pack of nappys every 2 days and going threw 2 tubs of milk a week.
So will need you to start contributing or ill just go to the social and get it from them.

You will also nee to start thinking about finding your own place in the future so when alex does get to the age to come spend the day with you or even the night you will need a fixed abode cant be having a baby stay with you in a one bedroom flat you share with your mate. But dont worry about it now just for future thought.

Anyway text me if your coming on sunday

Thanks

after this email i sent her saying id like to see the baby on my own as its too hard.

she basically said no she dosnt care and if i dont like it to take her to court.

so thats when i got the ball rolling and contacted a solicitor.

She sounds angry as you do, that will change and she will calm down, and through all that she is allowing you to see Alex, I know it may not be how you would like to but being able to see and hold him, even when she is there will make all the fighting and argueing feel un important.

Alex is still very young and being near his mum however you feel about her is important, the time will come when you can have time alone with him.

I have eddited your post to remove names as if you go to court and want to use the email it may be better if it didn't mention other people on here.

yeh she was letting me see him... but it was too much for me to keep seeing her it hurts everytime

after i got a call from her saying she wont let me see him on my own.. i told her to f off and stop contacting me...

she sed find a solicitor and i cant see him unless we go to court

ok well we can help give advise on the court proccess.

is there anything bothering you about the proccess you'd like help with?

id like to change his name.

and get put on the birth certificate.

also need to know what she can make me pay.

surely its ilegal for her to say she dosnt know who the father is? if she knows? i can prove she knew i was the father..

what are my chances of custody?

her and her mum have a history of depression and attempted suicides surely this will go in my favour?>

I'll ask the legal guys to drop by and answer your questions and give some advice, they will be able to give far better detail than I can.

keep checking back as they can take a day or so to answer.

anything else you'd like to know just ask and we will get the answers for you.

I'm off home in a while but i'll drop by later if your still about, and i'm sure the evening dads will be along soon to offer advice as well

also need to know what she can make me pay.

I'll ask DadTalk's friends at Child Maintenance Options to pop by and offer you some advice regarding this. Child maintenance can be arranged in various ways - how much you pay is based on how much you earn.

Gooner

I've just caught up with this, so I'll make a few comments.

Firstly, it does sound like you've hit rock bottom as someone else said - that means there is only one place to go, and that's up. There will be setbacks along the way - a lot of us have been through it, and despite the setbacks, it does get better, so it something knocks you back, move past it and work towards making it better next time.

You sound very angry, and you have a right to be in some respects, but it's getting in the way of moving forward. Go and see you GP, he's independant of the whole situation, and see if he can suggest anger management - it may be something you don't want to do (it takes a lot to admit that help is needed) but your anger is ruining your life, and it's meaning that your ex won't trust you, so it's holding you back on all fronts.

Before you go down the court route (which sounds like it will only aggravate the situation with your ex), take a serious look at mediation - there were some positive points in your ex's email (she is allowing contact to some extent), you may achieve more and faster that way.

To answer your latest questions, I honestly don't think you have a chance of gaining custody unless there is a real danger to your son's safety from your ex, and even then, chances are social services would intervene to assist in the first place. Your son is very young, and is dependant on your ex (and would be more settled with your ex the longer the process takes), and counting against you, you can't provide a home for your son, so no court is likely to award you custody. Likewise, you aren't going to be able to change his name, even if you were to get custody, you would have to get permission from the court, and your ex would fight against that.

I'm sorry if it sounds a bit brutal, but there's no point telling you anything other than what would be the likely outcome - that way you are much better equipped to pick the areas where you might have a much better chance of success, and the first one is getting your name put on the birth certificate, that is far more achievable, so definitely look at doing this - it might be something that can be discussed in mediation. Likewise, contact - at first the little and often is the approach to go for, and then later on, go for longer periods without your ex being there.

Hi CrazyBabyMother,

The Coram Childrens Legal Centre have had technical issues posting a reply to you on the forum so I have posted on their behalf

Dear CrazyBabyMother,

We are very sorry for your difficult circumstances, but before we can advice you on your position we must understand whether you have instructed a solicitor.

Please let us know as soon as you can.

Best Regards
Child Law Advice Line’

Just to let you know - under rules that solicitors have to abide by the CCLC can not advise you if you have a solicitor already engaged.

i have not contacted a solicitor.

shes stopped me from seeing him...

said i have to get a solicitor

That's ok, with no solicitor the legal team can advise you.

How are you feeling today mate?

i want my life back.. i miss my gf i miss my son.. i want that family unit.. i was so stupid to have lost it.. dont think ill ever get over this...

It may not feel like it now but you will, and going through this will shape you and make you a stronger more rounded person.

Did you manage to get an appointmant with the doctors?

no they not open till monday

Well I'm about on and off throughout. This evening and overthrow weekend so feel free the talk away tell me what's on your mind or just idle chit cat

cheers darren... its a struggle.. everyday im in a state.. i miss them both.. i just wanna hold her tell her im sorry... and when i did that she just told me where to go told me she hated me... its all got so effed up...

I'm sure it feels really bad,

I think what you need to do is focus on Alex and not his mum, you can't really control what happens between Alex's mum and you, but you can in what happens between you and Alex.

As he grows he will need you a father figure and a male influence, you can be that person but you may have to accept that you and his mum won't be together.

I'm sure she means a lot to you and I guess with the link you have she always will, but it finding the balance and being able to get on for Alex that counts.

Although she said some harsh things she did say you could see him (while she was calm) do you think she will let you see him at her home if you asked? I know it would be tough with her there but seeing your little boy will lift your mood and make it worth while.

no she wont.. its all gone way past being civil

That's a shame,

Well we will get you the answers to your question,

I know it's been suggested but do u think mediation would work to get the 2 of you on the right track and talking again?

yeh maybe.. the problems is ill do anything to make it work.. she wont...

Well try and broach the subject of mediation with her it would be a good start to getting things moving again,

I don't remember if you said you work or not, what do you do for a living?

yeh i work in cust service...

i dont wanna contact her its a bit too soon do u think i shud ask her now or ask her again in a few days..

It may be worth contacting the national mediation service first and having a word with them - yours won't be a new situation to them.

Same as me then, I work for Audi what about you.

I think you need to make contact but maybe leave it until after the weekend allow things to settle, then swallow the humble pill say your and that you would like to see Alex

Keep your message as un emotional as you can and be business like as if you were writing to a customer, tell her you want to see Alex and that if you can try to sort that out first then when things are calmer you can try to talk about some regular contact.

And just see how she reacts

Hi, This sounds like me 5years ago. Do not worry you will soon feel like "why did l ever love this woman"

All l can do is give you how l reacted. At first she let me see my daughter every day, but then she kept making excuses and only wanted me to see my daughter if l did odd jobs for her, bought her food and fags etc. Then communication stopped. I went to see her, I pleaded with her, and she laughed in my face.

She once said my daughter had no shoes on her feet, as l had bought her shoes and clothes l went down to drop them off, I was ill at the time and going to see an Osteopath, the door was open so I knocked, no reply, I knocked again still no reply, l did not know what to do so I phoned my parents, they said just shove the door open and put the clothes inside the hall, ((its a rough estate she lives on and things on doorsteps soon get lifted). I did this, and that was what she had been waiting for, she rushed out of the kitchen shouting and swearing pushed me down the steps and kicked me. I told her to calm down as my daughter had come out and was watching this, but to no avail. So l left, my parent told me to contact the police, this l did that night as l was so ill. I could not get out of bed for 2 days, so the police came to see me as I was at a friends house in another village. I went back to my own and within 15 min the police came and arrested ME for breach of the peace. My solicitor told me to plead guilty as l had opened her door and put a foot in to put the clothes down, so she was in her rights to push me out etc. So now l have a criminal record. That is when l knew she was pure evil.

After that l went to a solicitor, just before we were going to court she said l could see my daughter. This time though my parents collected her and dropped her off. I have never spoken to my ex for over 4 years. She has stopped me seeing my daughter 4 times since, the last time l saw my daughter was in August last year..During this time I moved on l now have 2 more children. I have never forgotten my 1st born and never will but life does get easier and you can make a new life.

My advice is go to court, the thing l never did as she always backed down just before. Make it legal to see your daughter and if you do not wish to see your ex get your parents or someone to collect your daughter from your ex. Then there is no misunderstanding .

good advice man.. thnka u.. ive nto contacted her yet i sent a hundred nappies or so and some formula.. lets see if she calls to thank me.. ill updat eyou all on the progress.

My other advice is do not follow her to see if you can just get a look at your child. I did that and she got the police on me for harrassment. The police did not do anything just advised me to go through the courts, wish l had taken their advice.

naa i wont do anything like that she can carry on.. ill go to court

Hi CBM,

Sending nappies and formula seems a great idea, show you are trying to help.

How are you? you sound a lot more settles and straight thinking now.

Hi, I'm Sarah, a consultant at Child Maintenance Options.

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been having such a hard time. Break-ups are never easy, but the main thing (as many other posters have been saying) is that you concentrate on your son and what's best for him. And you've already started thinking about how you can support your son financially by buying the nappies for him, which is a really good start.

Hopefully I can help you understand your financial responsibilities a bit more. Child maintenance is basically your contribution to the cost of raising your child. If you and your ex-partner agree, you can sort out child maintenance between yourselves, without anyone else getting involved. This is called a family-based arrangement. With a family-based arrangement, you can agree to buy things for your son (like nappies, clothes and toys) or you can agree to pay a regular amount of money. Whatever you agree works best for you and your ex-partner.

The Child Maintenance Options service has lots of information about how to make a family-based arrangement work for you. You can also access free tools and guides to help you talk to your ex about child maintenance. This includes a free child maintenance calculator, which gives you an estimate of how much your payments would be through the CSA. You could use this as a starting point for your family-based arrangement, if you want to.

Whatever you decide, make sure you keep a record of your payments in case of any future disagreements.

Supporting your son financially will hopefully help your ex-partner realise that you're serious about being a good dad and that will help the situation.

i hope this helps a little. If you'd like to find out more, visit www.cmoptions.org, or call the Options team on 0800 988 0988 for a confidential chat.

Hi CBM,

The Children's Legal Centre are still having issues posting to this thread so I will post their advice to you.

From the background provided, it would appear that you have no Parental Responsibility over the child. However, this is not a bar to you obtaining adequate contact with the child should he want to do so.

If you are assumed as the child’s father, you could still apply to Court for a Contact Order, -ie asking a judge to decide how often and how he should be allowed to see the child. You can apply by yourself by filing a form C100 (or C2 if there are other legal proceedings pending) at Court. You can download the form on www.justice.org.uk. There you can also find documents CB1 and CB3 which you can refer to as a guide.

You could also apply for Parental Responsibility at the same time, by filing the same form as above – be careful to specify which order he is applying for.

Please note that a court order is a legally binding provision that the mother will have to comply with.

Please note that any court application has a cost attached. Please get in touch with your local court to find out the exact amount.

WHAT IS PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY

This relates to all the rights, duties and responsibilities you have as a parent. The consent of both parents would be required to change their son’s surname or take him abroad. A parent with PR is able to speak to doctors, give medical consent, speak and visit schools and have copies of school reports and letters.

HOW TO FIND OUT IF AN UNMARRIED FATHER HAS PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY

The unmarried father will have acquired PR automatically if

a)His name was included in the child’s birth certificate, if the child’s birth was registered after 1st December 2003; or
b)Has a Residence Order in place for the child.

If none of the above applies, it is advisable for him to try and obtain it.

HOW TO OBTAIN PR

a)Entering a Parental Responsibility agreement with the mother – this is a simple form to fill in (download from www.justice.org.uk) and to be signed by both parents in the presence of a witness at Court. It will have to be filed at the Principal Registry of the Family Division to make it legally binding.

b)Obtaining a Parental Responsibility Order by the Court – this is totally at the Court’s discretion and can be applied for through a C100 form (or C2 if there are other court proceedings in place), specifying what you are applying for. Again, this from can be downloaded from www.justice.org.uk.

I hope this advice is helpful.

Gooner

im still a bit confused do i need a solicitor? or can i do this myself?

hi cbm, there is no requirement for you to have a solicitor. you can represent yourself, and we can provide assistance, along with the experts we can call upon to give opinions.

ok well i just wanted to know what can she do to me?

shes now thretening to take action against me.. shes being very unresnoble.. im really growing to hate her...

all i want is to sort my life out..

if someone can tell me what happens next.. and how do i make the choice to take the legal route cos i know once we start down this road theres no way back...

The best starting point is yoji's 'guide to representing yourself' at the top of the legal section.

Hi CBM

If you decide to go the legal route go it alone, as actd has said we will be here every step of the way for support and advice.

Darren

hi im still getting nowhere.. iv made contact with community legal advice.. its taking too long!

Keep sticking with it, there is no short cuts I'm afraid,

If your getting no where it might be worth starting the legal side.

Darren

This process will take time CBM. There is no quick fix i'm afraid.

If you are serious about getting access then you need to understand that it will take time - on the upside we are more than happy to support you through this process.

Did you go to see your GP ?

Gooner

ok i have just found out from community lega;l advice i am not legible.. i dont have money for a solicitor and im crying right now and dont know wot else to do..

Hi CBM,

You don't need to have money for a solicitor, you can represent yourself in court.

Get the ball rolling and get access back to your child.

Darren

i dont know what to suggest mate apart from hang in there sty strong fella

I agree with Darren and Shades. Doing something about contact (which means starting the legal process) will help a lot - at the moment you probably feel quite helpless - taking action is a good antidote.

and no matter what dont beat on yourself about it because you are trying mate

just got a text from her shes contacted her solicitor..

her text was..

i need an address for you to send a letter from my solicitor, to sort out contact for the baby..

now i have told her i cant use the address im staying at im staying on the couch and i dont want to mess up my frends council tax or wotever cos its not common knowledge im staying there

whats do i do? is her solicitor gettin involved ??

i need help.. this is killing me.. i am not coping well...

Hi

You are going to need an address where you can be reached as they do have to be able to send papers to you - could you use your parents address? If not, you could apply for a PO box, but this does cost and I think the Post Office are obliged to give the address that it's based on if asked.

Hi

You are going to need an address where you can be reached as they do have to be able to send papers to you - could you use your parents address? If not, you could apply for a PO box, but this does cost and I think the Post Office are obliged to give the address that it's based on if asked.

actd is right you will need an address, I would say the same use your folks address from what you say they are supportive and want to see your child too.

I would take this as a positive as it sounds like she may be trying to start talks on making some kind of contact.

Darren

im on my own... they live in yorkshire and she has said shes not going to lie to her solicitor she knows i dont live with them...

ive been up all night crying...

i dont understand why she said i cud see him and we was gonna sort it out with ourslves now shes geting her solicitor involved its likes shes trying to destroy me...

Hi

It's not about her lying to her solicitor or you not living with your parents, it's about you having a secure address for receiving correspondence as you have no fixed abode at present. That address is your parents' address and it will be known as your c/o or care of address, simple.

You may not feel like it now but it's probably best that you do go down the legal route to see your son, although you will have had to try mediation first, that way there's more chance of things being sorted if she doesn't stick to things that have been agreed. I wish I had done something legal about contact earlier and I wouldn't be in my situation now. 🙁

Good luck and chin up

well your already doin the smart thing by keeping all the text messages you wanna make sure you keep everything thats said on record just incase

its the levels on irrationality ive never experienced before.. i know even if she had cheated on me id of gave up and forgave her.. its like she is possessed with hate and determined to make it as difficult as possible cos she has all control.

im gonna have a think about my own options how i can make my life better and show her i can support them both.

first things first..

address.
solicitors.

and then court to get parental responsibilty.?

what is the pay limit for legal aid?

i was just refused due to a 1 off bonus.. can i get re assessed?

this whole thing is just so pointless.. i shud be speaking to her about this stuff.. but yet im saying it online.

i think im just fighting a loosing battle.

Hi CBM.I have read all your post's and reply's and i must say i can relate to what your going through.My son is seven and i separated from my wife of ten years in January this year.Reading the e-mail you were sent reminded me of text messages and mail i received .That you are not of any interest to her and she want's nothing to do with you that is really hard to take. As everyone else on here has said it does get easier not better but easier.Your dead right in thinking about you and your options that's what you have to do to be able to move on. I miss my wife, my son, my home and the security of the family unit.I can replace a house a wife if i choose to do so but i cannot replace my son.He is not her's he is our's.The thing is you cannot make somebody want to be with you and we have to except this. I am still trying to get regular contact with my son but playing the waiting game seem's to have worked for me.As the time has gone on my ex is becoming more mellow because i stopped a good few month's ago asking to see my son and getting into nasty text exchanges it became apparent to her that i was not going to let her wind me up over seeing my son this took away her control.I see my son on average 20 hours a month not great but better than nothing. Keep your chin up fella don't do anything daft. As i said it does get easier best of luck.

thank you i just miss her so much.. but growing to hate her.. lots of emotions running threw my head dont know what i shud do all i know is its making me very ill.. she dosnt care how this is affecting me lets just see what happens next..

what i dont know how to deal with is the guilt i feel like i caused this and i deserve this to happen to me.. i dont have a clue what im doing with my life anymore..it has no purpose no goal no ambition.. shes taken the one thing i was working for and now i have just given up all fight...

if i did kill myself it wud prob just be the best decision for everyone my son deserves better than me..

Hi CBM

As everyone has said it is difficult at first. I had the same emotions as you missed my ex like mad and if she would of asked me back i'd have been there in a heartbeat.But as i said previously we can't force anyone to be with us, your head is all over the place right now. I was the same anger ,guilt no hope, in a world of [censored] to be honest.But i was determined not to let my ex control me with her twisted mind it is different in that my boy is older and he is trying his best to cope with all this but he still know's how much i care,love and will always be there for him no matter what . This is what you have to concentrate on i'm begging you don't give up. Show your ex ,and more than anyone, yourself and your son that you are not a failure because you are not , sometimes things just don't work out how we want them to.You will probably say yeah easier said than done and your right it is easier said than done believe me everyone on here has been through or going through what you are and untill you HAVE been through it it's hard for other's to understand.We all have good day's and bad day's focus on the good day's and the bad one's will subside you have to stay positive that is the only way i and no doubt most of the bloke's on here carry on and eventually get to see our kid's.
Stay strong mate .

Hi,

We are here to help, please keep talking to us.

Because of how low you are feeling I would also like to give you details for the Samaritans, if you are considering suicide then please speak to them first. They can be contacted at any time and the service is totally confidential. Their phone number is 08457 90 90 90 or you can email them jo@samaritans.org.

Deso66

I mirror the above,

I'm on here on and off all day, so please feel free to chat.

Have you managed to get to the doctors yet?

If not I'd urge you to make an appointment today, we can help by talking but the doctors can help with a more long term solution.

I have sent you a private message also.

Darren

im not coping well

im scared of goin to the doctors they never helped me b4

i drove round all night looking at places i cud hang myself... ive given up maybe this is my cry for help.. i dont know if i even have the courage to do it..

all i know is my whole body is aching and i sit and shake crying..

why is this happening to me.. why cant i see the light like you guys why do i feel like such a failure..

Your not a failure at all.

Please answer my private message so we can help you.

You can get through this but you are going to need some support,

Your not alone through this and help is ready and waiting, just take the steps that will help you get through this.

Darren

i sent u my number darren

Hope you were able to speak to Darren

I think many people have felt like you do at some time - the important thing to remember is that they all get through it.

It is not a failure to go to the doctors - just a sign of being stubborn if you dont!

Hope you are feeling better today

Hop

please can someone call me... i was speaking to someone about some support and i havent heard from them since..

ive just had a text from her asking for an address for me.. ive sent that to her.. i really need some help some legal help if possible please

Hi, its Chris, I will try and get in touch with you shortly. In the meantime, could you get all your questions together so we can make sure we know which expert to direct them to.

Thanks for getting in touch.

yes im ready. pls call me at 9 if you can as im at work

still havent received the letter... im beginning to think she was just lying... should i send a text to her asking her where it is? i really wanna send somthing really nasty to her but im not going to.. ive learnt that dosnt work.. what does anyone suggest ?

Hi CBM,

Like I said the other day, she was possibly just trying to rattle/stall you, I wouldn't let it get to you, just be ready for the next thing she may try to get a reaction.

Your right in saying that sending her a crappy message won't get you anywhere it would only set you back.

You are becomming a lot more possitive about all this now which is great, don't allow her to get to you with the games.

If you need anything you have my number so drop me a txt or shout on here and we will help.

Darren

Hi CBM

Whatever you do, don't react badly to anything she does - if you really have to send her a letter, text or email, before you send it - leave it for an hour or so, then go back to it and think what it would look like to a judge, and if you think it wouldn't look good, then re-word it and wait again until you are happy it won't land you in trouble. One good place to start feeling better about yourself is to realise that you can rise above anything your ex throws at you - it's very hard work, especially at first as lots of the guys on here will tell you, but it is worth it in the end. Keep in touch with all of us, and don't be worried about seeking as much support as you need.

Saw a good quote on facebook a couple of days ago - "when I'm cheerful and happy, my friends know who I am. When I'm down and depressed, I know who my friends are".

You are among friends here.

wise words my friend... its just ridiculous why is she set on making my life miserable..

Hi CBM,

I would agree with Daren and actd.

Now start to concentrate on sorting yourself out and being the reasonable person.

As actd has said, it is important that you are very careful about what you say in letters, emails or texts, as sometimes they can be misinterpreted.

You are doing much better and we could not be prouder of you.. we are all here to support you, so do not hesitate to throw it our way when you need to.

im going to speak with chris on monday and get the ball rolling shes taking the [censored] now just making me miss out on his life.. theres no need for any of this.. why do women always use there children to get back at the father ??

just received this...

Been to my solicitor and has advised me that you need to go to your solicitor. Its nice to see that since we split you have done absolutley everything to hurt me from going on dating websites for single parrents when alex was only a week old. Also went on plent of fish and slatted me to the whole of facebook but that was never enough for you was it now your back in touch with bianca thats lovely but nice to see ur still trying to hurt the mother of your child. I allowed you to see alex on the terms and was never good enough for you the whole thing has made me ill and has made me unable to give my son the happy mother that he deserves. You have still not talked about maintance for your son and you havent supported him financially for the last 4 months and during my pregnancy. You always think that we should wait for you. Alex your son is still waiting for that tub of milk that you was ment to have changed and didnt bring back.

Seeing though you havent done anything for your son in 4 month i wont hold my breath but glad to see that you living your life carefree and not supporting your son. Hope it works out with bianca like you said before you cant be with her beause you have no children and people with children can only get with people with children so i hope your happy.

Im changing my number from today and i shall hear from your solicitor via post to my address

Hi There,

Don't let her get to you, you are entitled to a life and there is nothing wrong with that.

You do need to start to sort out contact though as that will help you a lot, and if you aren't at the moment you also need to think about child maintenance.

Have you spoken to anyone today regards starting the ball rolling with getting contact?

Darren

i sent this

Ive moved on from you. who i speak to has nothing to do with you.

remember when you saw me cry my eyes out ? and beg you to sort us out? that was the last time you will ever see myself begging you for anything !

so thank yourself as to why your feeling the way you do. maybe Paul can comfort you now.

you want to talk about financial responsibility for our son, when you couldn't even put me on the birth certificate after i told you it is what i wanted.

please don't try and act like you have been reasonable because quite simply you have done nothing but try to destroy me and i tell you now you wont.

ive grown up alot since you saw me. i have my own place now, im working hard and making myself a better person, i suggest you do the same for the sake of our son.

remember your the one who wants all this court drama your the one who wants to go threw the courts.. i may have said it to Alice but have i actually taken you to court or done anything like that?

No is the answer your looking for.

I wont pay for a child i have no part in his life. but will agree to make a contribution to my son once you stop all your petty bullshit

CSA have been contacted and an agreed amount will be paid once parental responsibility has been granted.

quite simply were over and now im the happier person for seeing how nasty you really can be.

I might have done some bad things but to stop a father from seeing his son is just something ill never forgive you for.

all i want is to be a father without all the drama. but no thats not good enough for sammy... you want blood and drama and a good old excuse to tell your friends your baby fathers a wasteman.

so when you consider putting me on the birth certificate and stop all this bullshit then we can sit down like civil adults and discuss OUR son's future.

i was looking forward to seeing our son on that Wednesday before you thought let me [censored] with him some more and tell him im sending a letter so i waited patiently and today i read this email.

so that's why our little boy dosnt have anything from me. explain that to him. im not gonna post anything to you why shudnt i be able to give the things i buy to my son?

Hi there,

Well that may not have been the best thing to send as you have opened up the start of an email battle, however it's done now and can't be changed.

Try not to get drawn into any more emails like this as I think it would actually go against you in the long run.

If she sends any more emails like this, if you need to reply think about what you send and don't send any thing in haste or anger.

Darren

i got this back

Thats absolutley fine. I really do not care anymore. i never stopped you seeing alex and i said we can go to a contact center to see your son. I never was unreasonable your makeing me ill buy the atmosphere and tentsion between us when you visit and i said to go to a solicitors for you to see your son and you said that you wernt going to do that. You will not be put on that birth certificate because your not doing nothing for our son and i feel that you should not have parenmtal responsiblities for the following reasons that i had told you.

Im glad that you have got your own place thats great and your right i dont have any say but number 1 paul and me are nothing and you were the one who done wrong not me. Why should i be unhappy everytine time you come and see our son.

Anyway i havnt herd from csa so ill be contacting them myself to find out what is going on.

bye

I'd urge you not to reply, if you really need to wait until tomorrow when you can reply with a clear head.

Otherwise you are going to keep sending back and forth all night and not really gain anything

im not going to reply to this one.. shes clearly not thinking right in the head how can she say shes letting me see him when she clearly wants me to go to court and suffer...

im not coping well with this... im feeling a rage and want to kick her in the face!!!!!!!!

Hi CBM.
Since i last read your post's you seem to be coming to term's with this now. I did say a few month's ago it does get easier. I would say and i know you don't want to hear it but stop yourself from getting into a slanging match, by doing so you are leaving yourself wide open should this matter go to court. No matter how much it annoy's you to give your ex money, disregard what you think she may be spending it on and hold your head up that you have contributed to your son. When you say you will not pay towards your son if your ex will not put you on the birth certificate i would say the real reason is the above, not because you don't want to pay. Try to do the opposite of what your gut instinct tells you this often results in anger and rage. And yes i am sure at some point everyone on here would love to kick our ex
in the face as you say, just rise above it, be the mature one. All our ex's have either taken or make it very difficult for us to see the one thing that is really important to us, our children . My take on this is no matter what tactic's my ex employs to wind me off the clock she cannot hurt me anymore than she already has.Stick with it fella it's a slow a long process but don't let it get you down.

Hey CBM, I know exactly how you feel i have two boys with different women.

1. There is no just reason for you not to be able to have contact with your biological child no matter what you've done unless an extreem cases such as you killed the babys mother. that came from my oldest childs own solicitor.

2. I know its hard when you love your baby's mum iv been there man. 4 years of depression. I'v learnt not to let ANYTHING consume me emotionally. Dont chase the [censored] dont beg her. If she doesnt want you now she never will. easy for me to say that now but it came with time.

My ex started being cool with me when i stopped telling her i love her and asking to try again for our "familys" sake.

Its hard for me now i love her and have to stomach her with another guy in my place but I have to put this aside and not show her that.

You need to be a solid personality when you have contact with your boy, she doesnt want some depressed whim bag takeing care of her baby boy.

Remove yourself from her emotionally, get it in your head your never going to be that "family" you/we dream of.

the more i sit and think the more rage i feel.. but i must say the words from some of you lift my spirits up

i cant tell you how comforting it is to know im not the only one in this situation...

but ive made my mind up now the csa rang me today and i never answered the phone.. so i imagine they will ring me again tomorrow...

i need advice on what to say.

im not running away from the fact i have to pay for my child.. im just homeless and staying with frends temporily and i need to get my life in order... this is where im struggling and hopfully someone on here can help and give me the advice and directiuon i need to be what i call a real man cos right now i feel like a crying [censored] thats being whipped by his ex and being told to bend over and take it in the [censored]...

now i wanna fight.

i wanna take back some of the control she has on this whole situation and get us on a even playing field.

its not about the mind games its not about the money its the fact of the power she has and how she is using it just to hurt me.

so the first thing i am going to do is as chris said ive now got the forms i need the c100 and a EX160A to cover the cost as im on a low income i saw its 175 pounds to take a case to court.

ive contacted a mckenzie frend hopfully someone will be in touch to help me fill out the form.

what i need to know is what the csa are going to do to me? will they help me get parental responsibility? even if she denies me the right to have it ?

also can they even make me pay before i have parental responsibility? surely the csa must ask why has she not put me on the birth certificate?

what kind of things will i have to provide the court?

Hi cbm

Unfortunately, the CSA are only concerned with maintenance and not with PR at all, that's what the court proceedings you are starting will deal with. The CSA wont be sympathetic at all I'm afraid so be prepared for them as much as possible. Don't lose your temper with them as you want them to be as amenable as possible, it is one hassle you don't want.

ok so the csa have now been sorted.

im paying 15 percent of my wages works out to about 34 pounds a week.

i asked them if i could pay her an amount direct to her but she denied. it..

feeling very bad about this as i wanted to buy him stuff with that money now i wont be able to..

and check this even if i do overtime to cover the cost of the csa the amount goes up so im stuck in this situation for life.. thank you cRAZYBABYMOTHER YOU REALLY HAVE PUT ME IN THE HSIT...

so what now guys ?

do we as fathers just sitback pay money and watch someone else bring up our children...

do i have to sit here and work my [censored] off to see no financial benefit?

if i had one wish id change this stupid law.

i urge anyone concidering children to think long and hard if that woman your now telling you love will turn into the crazy [censored] i now have to call the mother of my beautiful son...

Glad you have sorted the CSA out, it's not un commen to have to pay through CSA I have to do the same dispite never missing a payment to my ex for 18months, it's just how it is.

Just think that if you do work overtime it's only 15% they take from you.

You may be angry at your ex but actually she has to cloth, feed and give Alex a home and that all cost money.

I personally don't think the law needs to be changed in relation to paying for your children, it is there to protect, too many dads don't face up to thier responsibilities and this law ensure they do, I'm not implying this is you in any way as I know you have said you would always pay her, but too many dads don't.

You asked "what now guys"

Well Now this is out the way move on, look at the court order and getting contact, don't look for reasons not to do things, remove the barriers that you feel are stopping you and look at the reasons you have to get it sorted, your son is waiting for you and you need to be there for him, and you can be once you get the court proccess moving.

I guess you then need to sort somewhere to live so you have somewhere to take Alex when you do get to have him (which you will) All you need a enough room for yourself and a cot to start with so he has somewhere to sleep (he will need naps even if he isn't staying over night with you)

Forget your feelings for his mum they will only get in the way of you moving forward and getting contact with Alex.

And most importantly don't forget we are all here to support you, and help you through this proccess, we will give you advice and offer suggestions of how to do things when needed, There is also lots of online information to help and of course John the coach, Fell free to continue asking me anything you may need via txt aswell.

Darren

thank you darren it has helped..

i am feeling like somthing has been lifted now the csa is out of the way... whats i really need is help with the court process now.

and getting myself to be a better person.. this has all come at me at once and ive been hit with it as a shock its taking alot for me to adjust to this.. its hard when someone hates you so much they will do everything they can to bring you down or make things difficult.

i pronted off the forms.. who can help me with filling them out?

Might be worth having a word with the cclc on filling the forms out.

As to what you do now, you concentrate on yourself. Since you've been feeling down, you've possibly been neglecting your health, so that is your first priority - eat healthily and start exercising, as well as getting you fitter, exercising releases natural chemicals that combat depression. If you are feeling better about yourself, you'll have a better time when you are with your son. 🙂

some of the best advice ive ever had..

im gonna get all the details sent off and then im gonna get myself back in the gym

i sent her an email..

I have just spoken to the CSA and they have advised that they will be taking
£160 from my salary for Alex each month.

I understand that you do not want any contact with me but I really would
like to send something for Alex each month.

I do not want to upset u anymore then I have done so please don’t think that
is my intention. I would just like to send something so he has something
given to him from his Daddy.

I hope that in time you will allow me to see him as it is breaking my heart
not seeing him. I am happy to work around u and see him at times that suit u
and I promise that if u give me the chance to see him I will not start an
argument with u or even speak to u if u do not want me to.

I know I have not been the man u wanted me to be and I know that I did not
show u the love that u deserved to be shown and believe me I hate myself for
that.

Please let me try and make this right. All I want is to be a dad to my son
and hopefully in time show u that I am not that man I used to be.

Losing u and Alex made me realise how selfish I was and how I need to start
putting u both first.

I hope u can find it in ur heart to give me a second chance to be a father
to my son and if u give me the chance I will give 100% of my heart to him
because without him I feel that a huge part of me is missing and its killing
me.

I love u both and please don’t think I don’t and I am here if any of you
need anything.

then she replied with this

Hello

Yes I've been informed this morning of the situation and that will help towards alex.

Yes its unfortunate that it is only now that you have decided to be reasonable and unfortunate that I no longer wish to try compramise with you. I tried and tried to be reasonable but was never good enough. Because there is no family unit in london and you have not supported alex in over 4months I feel that you have not done enough as his father.

Yes you treated me unfairly and there is not much point in talking about the past its called the past for a reason. Untill I feel satisfied I will not allow alex out of my care unless in a contact center. You can send whatever you like and I will give it to alex.

Maybe in the future when things are more grounded then we can talk about visits away from a contact center but it won't be in the near future.

Its a shame things are the way they are and I fell that it is in our sons best intrests that for now contact is avoided out of suprivised visits. Visits with alex at my mums are not working and also with me are not working.

I've moved on with my life so there is no hope of getting back together. I'm happy and being treated how I should of been treated.

Take care

Well this sounds as though you will manage to get somewhere.

Just take things slowly, don't try and rush it as you may end up setting yourself back again.

Glad your are managing to think straight and get things moving

darren its hard struggle mate.. i miss her more than i can explain.. how you guys can move on and find anothe women is beyond me.. all iwant is her.. and fighting my feelings with what i have to do is killing me so i dont think im dealing with it i am just doing what i kno i have to do to stop someone else being my childs father...

believe me i amd feeling lower than i ever have with this whole thing.. one thing thinking she will find someone else the other is knowing that its happened.. and that what ive done will affect me and my sons life forever...

I know it's tough and you don't feel like it will get easier, but it does.

I know this sounds difficult to believe at the moment, but given time you will see, you have already managed to move forward enough to start to think clearer about what you need to do.

Keep it up, and don't forget we are all here form support.

Darren

This seems quite a private conversation but I just wanted to say that we are all rooting for you fella, the first three to six months will be horrible but it will settle down.

How long it takes is different for everyone - good luck with it!!

im greatful for all the comments.. and believe me this is the only thing thats keeping me going...

im digging deep to fight how i feel but its dragging me deeper into depression...

i know councilling wont help... ive been there and it didnt work.. i just want my life back and i dont want another man to take my place..

Hi cbm, counselling can help, but it's a slow process. Give it time and it will get better.

yeh john the coach is helping.. but its not getting easier... i feel weak that i cant deal with this... thoughts of suicide mite be a bit far fetched.. but apart from that a life of being pushed aside while another man raises my son will kill me slowly...

crying as i write this and not having my anything to look forward to makes these thoughts seem ever so more real..

i dont think i have the courage to do it so i dont want anyone to panic... but i just want her back.. nothing else will make me happy.

Things are really tough for you and they will stay that way for a while, there is no point in telling you differently as we all know how a break up effects us.

You need to continue the counsiling sessions as they will help you to get your head where it needs to be, your days will move between good, bad and just normal probably over the next 6-8 months and maybe even longer, you are making progress and are stronger now than you were even 1 month ago and as time goes on you will become stronger.

Try to remain as you were in the email you sent her last week, as that was really well written and showed you care for your son.

did you manage to sell your car in the end?