I agree,
if he is ill (i'm not deciding either way) your ex "could" claim the short notice was due to her not wanting to cancel unless she absolutely had too so she left it late in the hope your son would be well enough.
With respect of having someone in court with you, you can apply for a McKenzie friend who can come in with you but they won't be able to talk on your behalf, the only way you could do that would be to pay a solicitor.
Darren
Hi If you want to use a McKenzie friend you will have to ask the court to give there permission, a McKenzie friend can ask the court for Rights of Audience this if granted will then allow them to speak , this is rare tho but hopefully if more people ask it will be allowed more. A McKenzie friend will write your notes and guide you. Ive researched and most seem to charge £50 an hour , We are thinking about this option if Mediation does not work but Im really feeling a lot more positive about mediation working now. Nj suggested trying citizens advise as a starting point in finding one .
i chose not to speak with her mother as she did not allow me to have contact in her home and wrote a letter saying there was a complete breakdown of our relationship, i did reply via text to her.
have looked into a mackenzie frend, they have quoted me 300 pound to look after my case.
can anyone be a mackenzie friend? i have a friend who is qualified in law, but not a solicitor can he be my mackenzie frend?
yeh darren she said this in the text that they hoped he would get better... but still letting me know yesterday wen he was ill since exmas eve is just not on... wen she came to my house to give his presents back and give me abuse.. she nvr mentioned it...
I agree,
if he is ill (i'm not deciding either way) your ex "could" claim the short notice was due to her not wanting to cancel unless she absolutely had too so she left it late in the hope your son would be well enough.
With respect of having someone in court with you, you can apply for a McKenzie friend who can come in with you but they won't be able to talk on your behalf, the only way you could do that would be to pay a solicitor.
Darren
This will all take it's toll on you but you need to keep calm and civil and not join in the game playing. as Gooner has said keep a detailed log of everything.
My ex has taken her mum along as a McKenzie friend in the past so can't see why not.
Darren
im calm... nothing she does will surprise me if truth be told i didnt even book tomorrows contact center as i knew somthing was gonna happen.. they are almost predictable its a joke...
so... i got my stuff in order...
im paying for my son...
i bought him a couple xmas presents.. the teddy he actually loved...
got court on 16th and ive kept to my side of the bargain left her alone... shes been a complete [censored].. so lets see what round 3 has to offer me...
I have to echo the post by Darren and yourself regarding trying to keep calm…..The more your ex kicks off and the more she prevents contact – although very hard for you right now this moment – is going to go against her eventually in court!
Keep your focus on the long term not the short term hiccups….keep yourself squeaky clean and you will come through it in the end…be the better person by not lowering yourself to her level and you will get the contact with your child you both deserve!
You never know if she keeps p*ssing the courts off you may one day get every day with your child like some fathers who manage to get residence reversed because of these evil ex’s!
i’m supposed to see my little one every weekend (County Court Order!!) for a half a day at present from a set time but every Saturday about an hour and half – two hours before I’m supposed to see my little one I get a text message from the ex saying contact will not be taking place…various excuses/claims but the effectively the same message……
this has been going on now for over 4mths and this is despite the courts telling her to make contact happen or else face penalties!!
I reply each week saying the same…very politely and with no abuse or venom….at how very disappointed I am that she will not make contact happen, that she is breaking a court order and to tell my little one I miss him so much…..i never get a reply….i just the same type of text message the next Saturday and every Saturday is the same…..I can tell you this…..it HURTS like HEL every time!
Each weekend I find myself on a Saturday morning getting ready as usual just in case she lets me see my little one…..each week is just as hard as the previous one…..each week is just as difficult to accept after the text comes through…….
i’ll be very honest here….. this has really restricted my personal life when it comes to the weekends…..and to a certain extent my work….i.e. not being able to work on a Saturday or through a weekend because I cannot commit my time to the company….this has not come without its fair share of agro from my supervisor/work mates!
It’s also made some relationships I’ve had since I left my ex difficult to say the least. Trying to explain to girlfriends I’ve had over the last 3yrs why my ex is preventing contact is almost impossible….
When I have tried to explain that it’s just the ex having her won mental issues and a problem with me because I dared to leave her and then dared to take her to court because I wasn’t prepared to keep doing what she wanted and be controlled by her…….i’m constantly aware that who I’ve been seeing has doubted the truth of what I’ve told them because its almost unbelievable that a mother would do that to her child!!!…..
i’ve been 100% honest with them….i’ve not held anything back but they couldn’t understand why someone would do such a thing as preventing me seeing my child if I’ve not done anything to warrant it!!! The great thing for me is that I haven’t done anything wrong here….and I can back up that statement with evidence should I need to….not that I have needed to with a girlfriend so far but it has made it difficult when it comes to weekends etc…
The thing that keeps me going instead of giving up is the knowledge that what “she who must be obeyed” (the ex) is doing is just not looking good for her with the judge and court and that this cannot go on like this forever…..so they say! At some point in time the ex will come to pay for what she has done to my relationship with my child……right now she is unravelling and digging herself deeper in to a hole with the courts….the light at the end of the tunnel that seemed non-existent 2yrs ago is definitely there and it is getting closer by each hearing…..i’m not stupid enough to think she won’t keep trying to delay things and try new stunts to hurt me further but she is running out of road now!
Never give up……your child has no real idea why you’re not in their life….only what your ex “decides” to tell them……hopefully she’s not that mental to lie to them too much…..mine is that mental! However I probably don’t really believe that she would lie to my little one….i persoanally think she just changes the subject or never actually mentions me or reads my letters to him or tells him where the gifts/clothes/sweets I send for him really come from!
Chin up mate…and keep on fighting using the courts to help you not resorting to her ways!
Gosh i don't half rattle on once i'm on one do i !!! sorry CBM
touched by your response.. believe me i will never stop fighting..
just want justoce for what shes doing.. im not asking alot just want to be a prent... see my boy grow and show him right from wrong.. u cant do that every 2 weeks for 1 hour depending on if the mother can be bothered to bring him...
ok so heres an update!!!!
its nearly over!
ive now been put on the birth certificate! 🙂 and now seeing my son 3 times a week!
ive also met a new gf and things are slowly on the up...
i did however make the unfortunate mistake of sleeping with her... but since that shes been nicer to me than ever.. think shes seen ive moved on with my life and can see im happy... but now th eguilt of being with her is playing on my min.. now she has a hold on me again... im too stupid but oh well... got to move on..
excellent CBM (apart from the mistake anyway) - it's been a long journey since you first came on here, but look at the difference 🙂
That is great news - well done for persevering with it even in the darkest days it must now seem worth it
Please feel free to help others who are going through similar
Hi I’m going through the same as you and know what you are feeling,
The important thing is to set our your game plan and before embarking on court action seek some legal advice, you need to get booked into mediation and write to your partner prior to doing anything else that we need to sort this out fo rteh childs sake and using a third party may help you both.
Even if you end up going to court you must have been seen to try to do this route,
You can select a mediation service in your area by googling on the web, before you book someone you should talk to them to make sure that you are satisfied that they are appropriately accredited and have the right experience,
Then they send out letters to arrange to see you individually and together. Avoid court at all cost but if you then have no option you may need to take this action and if so then its serious and you need to be prepared and have a plan,
It will get better and she can’t do this for ever, its about leverage also - next she will perhaps be onto the CSA and their assessment will be 15% of your net salary if unmarried (I had this too)- you could use a tactic of reducing your pay to leverage against her financially - like for example putting more money into your pension if you have one, its not a nice tactic but will put her under pressure financially and may help your cause to bring her back to being reasonable, again please remember everything you do needs to be for your child
You arent alone and all good fathers will come to your aid and help where we can.