I’m new here and need some help. For years I have been saying things to Friends and Family about my wife and exaggerating moments that were causes of tension . My family caused her to have a nervous breakdown last year. I thought I would never do this again. We have had problems in our relationship but especially all of this year. She told me I needed to be more affectionate and act like a loving husband but I didn’t. We went to therapy but I didn’t get better. I found out that she had an affair emotionally but then also physically a couple months back. I was hurt and still wanted to work it out. I reached out to two of my friends for support. It turned ugly as one of them called her names in a text message and told me what to do to handle the situation. She saw the texts and and it gave her PTSD about issues from our past that I created. She told me she can’t get to where she was last year . I told her I never wanted that. Yesterday she said we need to get a divorce. I couldn’t fight it as I know I’m not healthy for her. Today she’s starting a nervous breakdown again. Her anxiety has gotten the best out of her and she won’t get out of bed. I did it to her again. I read articles about emotional abuse and never thought I was doing those things but I know I am now. I’m supposed to leave the house on Monday to start separation. I don’t want to leave her in this state. I want to make sure she gets back to a healthy place and then I will leave. How can I help her during this time if I’m the one who caused all of this again? Regardless, my marriage is over and I can’t do this to her and I need to stay away from her. I’m a toxic and unhealthy person. Please help
Hang on…
everyone needs to vent about things now and again. I’m sorry but you may have betrayed her trust at one point if things got back to her that you’d discussed privately with your family.
From there on it sounds like you’ve become the victim of abuse
* You are not the cause of her breakdowns, or PTSD
* She’s been through your phone
* She’s had affair(s)
Get out of there, accept divorce but do not accept anything other than ‘No fault’ (you could divorce her for adultery). There are better women
@hisdadness I know the affair was a choice but how I was was a shamrock if it. I’ve badmouthed her to friends and family in the past because of things I thought she did based on tid bits of information. Now I talked to my one friend about the affair which she said we should have handled privately. She is best friends with my friends wife and now she said she will lose that relationship because of this. It was another example of me makin the rlook bad to others on purpose. I honestly believe that I have abused her emotionally by saying I would change and then making excuses to not in my head. The affair was wrong but it was one mistake compared to abuse I’ve given her. I’m just worried about her well being and we have two kids together. Either way if she still wanted to work it out, I don’t think I am good for her and I would just do something like this again because I need to seek out help from a professional and work on my behavior. I can’t put her through anything again. She deserves to be loved by the other man and he makes her happy and doesn’t give him what I do which is stress, abuse, and nervous breakdowns