Ok, so the title says it all really.
I was under the thumb and always did as I was told with my ex.
She ended it as she fell out with my family and was no longer in love with me. That came as a shock at the time and I do have a lot of hatred toward her for breaking up our family. I miss the daily contact with the kids, but find it really hard when they are with me and I'm lone parenting them.
She's a money grabbing b and took me for every penny so she could "bring up the kids and provide a home". She still works just part time. She took all the equity from our home and I had to turn to the bank of mum and dad to get me back on my feet. She takes a ridiculous amount per month of £1350 which is £400 more than the CSA calc, still only works part time to ensure she gets universal credit and walks away with 3.1k a month net! I agreed to give her all this for the kids as I just want to do right by them and want an easy life with no arguments or drama. The thing is, she still wants more. More care, more money. I don't get anything back for that extra money in terms of clothes sent to me and I'm always spending more money buying them stuff. The ex demands and wants wants wants. She's always texting asking for stuff or having a go for the way they've been fed or not taking them somewhere cool and just staying home with them etc. She can't leave me alone. The kids are 'her/my children' when she's in a mood at me, and 'your children' when she's wanting something. (What have you fed my children/Come pick up your children and take them somewhere etc etc)
I'm now with a new partner, and we are getting married next year! I got with her quickly after our split so there's a blame game from the ex that I cheated. It's mad really as she called time on it and asked for a divorce and then she is the bitter one!!! The ex even had me arrested and I almost lost my job! I then wasn't allowed contact with the kids for a month! It was all dropped and forgotten about after the police saw sense!
My fiancee struggles with the way my ex still demands from me, takes all my (our) money, talks to me like [censored] and so forth. She struggles with a connection with my children as they act like my ex and she knows all the history and can just see her in them. I'm not very strict with them either as I'm so laid back.
So question. I'm a chilled laid back guy. How on earth do I negotiate this? I don't want to lose my fiancee over it all, these past few years I've hit some very low lows and losing her would be the lowest, I don't want anymore setbacks or another relationship to be lost as a result of my ex. I need to learn how to stand up to her, learn how to be a better parent and not just take the easy route. Is there anyone else with this kind of experience? Are there any apps anyone can recommend whereby I just communicate a rota to my ex and that be that. No more demands, no more pointless messaging.
My fiancee today has got upset with me as I've fixed some toys of my boys after telling him I won't be doing that to try teach him to not break them. This has pushed her over the edge, as she just says I always cave and give in. Whilst I do see her point, I'm just trying to do a nice thing for my him! It's hard pleasing everyone.
EDIT:
Ok, I know I've already kind of answered my own questions as I know what I need to do and just stand up for myself. I guess I'm just here to offload!
You sound like a deccent bloke which is why your new partner fell in love with you. Perhaps you could start by paying what the CMS assessment sets out. Nothing to stop you buying extras for the kids when they are with you. Do you have an order for child contact? That may be something to consider. You could use AppClose for any discussions about the children. If there is any abuse it can't be deleted. Set that up and tell your ex this is how communication will be going forward. If she uses other ways, always reply on AppClose. Good luck!
hi, if you think your going to be better off going through CMS, you can sign up to them and let them take over. then you just make monthly payment and no need to discuss it with your ex. there's parenting apps like app close, you can try it.