hiya there i am a new registered member here, and am looking for advice please, i suffer with ocd, and obsessive compulsive thinking, my situation is is i was with my now ex for 6 years on and off, it was a very volatile and toxic relationship (the rest havnt been), she cheated on me numerous times throughout the relationship, when she got pregnant i had my suspicions, and refused to sign any legal document such as birth certificate, at least initially, she was adament i was dad, but i always felt she had financial incentive to say that, she maintained it was me, regardless of the incidences of infidelity, anyhoo last year during the height of covid restrictions we ended up in family court, i have always had trouble bonding with this boy due to my uncertainty surrounding him, whilst at the court we had finalised things like maintenence costs, visitation access, etc, and i expressed my doubts openly, she admitted to the infidelities, and the judge stipulated that he felt a paternity test was in the best interests of the child, and warranted, so i attended a gp session, and it came back positive, i guess due to my ocd i am looking for re assurance here about how accurate they are and can they be relied upon with such importance hindering on there results ?, i dont know if it is my ocd that has made it difficult to process this information, or the years of doubt leading upto it and the uncertainty prior, but i am a mess, anybody else gone through similar experiences ?, it has been torture honestly, i wanted him so desperately to be mine, and when it transpired he was at least according to dna, with a probability percentage of 99.99999999% or thereabouts i was elated, ocd kicked in again though, as it so often does, i have more or less always paid for him either legally mandated or sending money to the mother off the cuff, i mean i should feel at ease with these results in my hands but it hasnt brought the closure i sought, i dont know what would at this point, i dont know what will, and it effects the bond between us, i am torn guys, thanks for reading, and please take care, i am looking for any guidance on this issue please, i have tried therapy also, ocd is a helluva thing !.
Its a shame you are feeling like that. Can you get some more therapy to deal with it? The NHS has various online sources of help. The DNA test will be accurate, thats for sure
@champagne thank you my friend I needed that re assurance, I dont know why I am like this, and with other issues too, like worry constantly, I have always been an over thinker and a worrier, and then they gave me a diagnosis of ocd which can effect thinking patterns and they can be intrusive thoughts apparently 🥺, it is absolutely horrible to live with mate, the condition Ibut I am trying to improve, I have reached out to my gp and he is doing a referral for I think cbt therapy ?, I am on a waiting list I think, I am glad this online forum exists for dads and that there is nice people here, such as yourself champagne, thank you buddy for your advice I appreciate it mate 🙏 and I wish you well buds, thank you for getting back to me mate
I guess a part of it might be giving your mind some time adjust to the new information. I think it's natural that big things like this can take some time to process. It sounds like you are doing all the right things and credit to you for helping with costs despite being unsure if he was yours or not until now.
Be kind to yourself and I hope you are in a better place soon.
@midori28 thank you so much my friend for the feedback, I think your correct mate, like I am slowly but surely getting used to the idea, thank you for replying bud, I appreciate it and thanks for the kind replies too, I will just give it time like you say, and try to process it, at the time it was a heck of a lot to take in, take care buddy and thanks again