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Primary Caregiver and Earner during split

 
(@paternalflame)
Active Member Registered

Hello, hoping someone has been through a similar experience to myself and can offer some advice.

We have 2 youngish children and my wife is not at all maternal, whereas i am very paternal. She intended to give up her job as air hostess once she had children but struggled so much to adjust to parenthood that she begged to go back flying. I was left in a difficult situation but ultimately stepped up to take on even more of the burden to allow her to be happy and have a part of her old life back, accepting that this was best way to keep our family together and provide stability for the kids.

After some years virtually killing myself with looking after 2 young children almost half the time on my own whilst working 5 days a week, the stress has taken a toil on our relationship and there appears we are heading only one way.

I want what's best for the kids and believe it's clear that am the primary provider, caregiver and the biggest constant for them, but would court see it that way if it ended up in a disagreement? I can probably afford to buy her out of the property up to 50% split, but i think i can prove I've paid 70% of all the expenses while also being there for the kids virtually every day and night, which is something she cannot claim. I wish to understand which way the courts would likely go so we can have a sensible conversation in the knowledge that i would surely be entitled to more of the house and to dictate where the kids stay more often? Is evidence of her not being here a large percentage of time enough to prove that?

To be clear, i want her to be able to see them any day she wishes within reason, but I think the best thing for them is to maintain stability so want them to stay with me in the family house during school week to keep routine.

Thanks in advance.

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 19/06/2024 1:53 pm
(@champagne)
Honorable Member

Sorry to hear that.  Before going down the court route perhaps you could try mediation.  Recommend you use an accredited mediator and you can find one through the Family Mediation Council.  You can also use one for financial matters.  If you decide to use court, which is a long process, then there are some helpful guides on the advicenow.org.uk website

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Posted : 19/06/2024 5:05 pm
(@bill337)
Illustrious Member

Hi. Maybe you can write up a separation agreement/parenting plan. If she were to move out and the kids remain with you, that would set a status quo.then if it ended up in court, kids would likely remain living with you.

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Posted : 19/06/2024 5:15 pm
(@paternalflame)
Active Member Registered

Thank you so much for these responses and the speed of replies. Will check out suggestions, thanks

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Topic starter Posted : 19/06/2024 9:35 pm
(@katebrownell86)
Eminent Member Registered

Posted by: @paternalflame

Hello, hoping someone has been through a similar experience to myself and can offer some advice.

We have 2 youngish children and my wife is not at all maternal, whereas i am very paternal. She intended to give up her job as air hostess once she had children but struggled so much to adjust to parenthood that she begged to go back flying. I was left in a difficult situation but ultimately stepped up to take on even more of the burden to allow her to be happy and have a part of her old life back, accepting that this was best way to keep our family together and provide stability for the kids.

After some years virtually killing myself with looking after 2 young children almost half the time on my own whilst working 5 days a week, the stress has taken a toil on our relationship and there appears we are heading only one way.

I want what's best for the kids and believe it's clear that am the primary provider, caregiver and the biggest constant for them, but would court see it that way if it ended up in a disagreement? I can probably afford to buy her out of the property up to 50% split, but i think i can prove I've paid 70% of all the expenses while also being there for the kids virtually every day and night, which is something she cannot claim. I wish to understand which way the courts would likely go so we can have a sensible conversation in the knowledge that i would surely be entitled to more of the house and to dictate where the kids stay more often? Is evidence of her not being here a large percentage of time enough to prove that?

To be clear, i want her to be able to see them any day she wishes within reason, but I think the best thing for them is to maintain stability so want them to stay with me in the family house during school week to keep routine.

Thanks in advance.

Hey there, I can hear how tough things are right now. Courts generally prioritize the kids' well-being above all else, so your role as the primary caregiver and your wife's involvement will definitely factor in. It might be worth chatting with a family lawyer to get a clearer picture of your options and how best to approach this.

 

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Posted : 25/06/2024 6:41 am
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