Just an update for all.
I attended a voluntary interview with the police on Tuesday 14/12/21 upon being informed by them on 7/12/21 that an assault allegation was made against me despite having made safeguarding concerns on 15/11/21. The police i understood had conducted a safe and well check at school on 16/11/21 and it appears he made an allegation against me.
I was able to share information, my concerns of emotional abuse and evidences with Police as a result the matter has been filed as no further action required. Therefore, they have no concerns. They went to his mothers home to carry out a home check on 7/12/21 where they asked a series of questions to both he and her and he conformed the assault but was able to elaborate.
The police was able to confirm and determine that Younus was being primed/coached by his mother to make such allegations as adult phrases was used that were not of his own. For instance when did father start smacking you, ' since day 1', where does he smack you ' arms, back, stomach and kick me in legs', when did he last hit you '4 weeks ago'. He also elaborated that 'he also abuses me and neglects me'. This basicallly suggests there was never any proof or reports made to any authorities, and if it was the case mother would have been made aware and she failed to act dutifully and responsibly.
I have informed the DSL worker of the facts and she thanked me and stated she will inform the necessary people at school. What i am annoyed at is they never once told me in 3 weeks despite me communicating with them. I am also annoyed that my safeguarding concerns have been ignored and spun to focus on me.
The police report was such a relief and i know its not my son and its not his fault and that his mother is really working on him hard extremely. This rebuffs any claims of abuse prior to my court case and as a result she fabricated to stop contact without any reason.
I had my directions hearing matter listed for next Tuesday at 10am after my enforcement application, it looks as though it may require cafcass.
I have just recieved an email claiming that school will be last day tomorrow before they break up for xmas, and it would be my weekend.
Therefore, i am not sure if should to attempt to collect him tomorrow.??
I really miss him not seen him in 2 months now!
I can understand your decision. However, if the existing order states that you may collect your son from school and it hasn't been changed, then you are entitled to pick him up. Please don't give up. It can very very frustrating and wearing but hopefully it will come out ok in the end. You have your enforcement hearing coming up when you have a chance to explain everything.
@champagne thank you for the encouragement. It does feel that i am being forced too sometimes but i never want to.
Is it worth me informing mother and the school that i will be collecting him or just turn up early tomorrow?
given that it is half term too for xmas holidays i am entitled to the holidays aswell
I went in early around 15.00 to reception office and just so happened to see the DSL worker.
Having spoken with her that i was there to collect my son and invoke my parental responsibility. She advised that my son did not attend school as his is sick. So i left politely.
I followed up calling him no response, then a message to let me speak with my son and for him to call me back as it is his right. Also to forward the xmas holiday proposal.
I pre-empted this would be her next trick given they broke up for xmas today.
Only thing to look forward to is court on Tuesday, if she decides to turn up. It may well turn out that she makes an excuse because deep down she doesnt want to take ownership and responsibility.
I am working hard to get a designated social worker appointed to investigate matters deeply and to protect my son from her plaving in the middle of her conflict
@sid4u hi, you did what you could. Really hope these issues get sorted out for you and child. Please keep us updated. Must be a very tough time for you.
Hi All, I hope you all had a Good Christmas and a Happy Holiday with a bright start to the New Year!
As an update i spent many weeks chasing the authorities 3 weeks to be exact about understanding what happend about my referral, what the police spoke to my son about etc and getting some outcome.
Indeed it was bought to my attention that on the day police had spoken to my son on 16th November apparently he made an allegation of violence against me. I was invited to speak to a new assigned officer after many complaints by myself on the 15th December where i had voluntarily gone in with representations about the alleged comments. The interview was audio and video recorded During the interview the officer had had revealed how my son had answered the following questions:
When did your father start hitting you? “From the very start on day 1”
When was the last time your father hit you? “A couple of weeks ago when I last saw him”
Where does your father hit you? “He hits me on my back, my arms and he sometimes kick me on the shins”
On a scale of 1-10 how much would you say it hurts? “It hurts a lot like 10, and when he kicks me it sometimes really stings”
Is there anything about your father you do not like or concerns you? “He gets very angry, and he also neglects and abuses me”
The police officer felt that my son was not using his own words and felt that he was being primed/ coached by his mother to make such allegations as adult phrases was used that were not of his own. They was also concerned as to why these was never reported by his mother after she claimed if she was aware that I have been violent to my son from day 1. After I shared with her my information and evidence, she filed the matter as no further action, but informed me that such matters have to be investigated and they feel that I can continue resuming my normal contact. I went to collect my son from school on 17/12/21 as this was the day he was due to break up for Christmas holidays and as it was my contact weekend. I met with the DSL worker who informed me that my son did not attend school that day.
I went to a hearing on 21/12/21 whereby i was able to have indirect contact via video conference for 30 minutes or however long as he wants every other day, she is not to be present in the room but direct contact suspended until a safeguarding letter is presented. So the hearing is listed on 19/1/22.
When i first spoke with my son, he seemed to be so relieved and happy to see and speak with me that he could not contain his smile. We spoke over an hour despite him clock watching. The call was originally arranged on Teams which my son has his own email that i set up for him during homeschooling at lock down. My second call however she on the time of call said it needs to be via whats app on her phone so it can monitored and that she can provide evidence to court. It also resulted in her bombarding me of messages that i am emotionally manipulating my son, talking about the case and blaming him or her, because he says he misses me and wants to see me, his brother and his room. I agreed to avoid conflict to keep calls on Whats app but i was able to record them too. This call did not go too well as a result and i got a repeated pattern of this occurring 1 day very positive lasting an hour until she ends it, the second call immediately after not positive he utters his moms words, tells him what to say and he is not able to be himself and he ends calls early. He has also accused me of controlling him and manipulating him and uses examples such as "You always control me, you always say go and get me my glasses, or go get me your vape or go get me a chocolate or something its always what you want”. He has also claimed he will be tired and exhausted to speak to me in 3rd person, and calls to be reduced 2 times a week as opposed to every other day due to his hectic and busy schedule during the holidays, whereby he has said he has done nothing other stay home watch movies and relax.
The mother is just unable to let go and is creating conflict placing my son directly in the middle. She is brainwashing him and manipulating him whilst orchestrating how the calls go. She is making herself relevant and trying to gain attention, pretty sad and pathetic really. My son has no real understanding of the gravity of the situation and what she is making him say or how to behave against me. She is happy to use him in order to fulfill her agenda. A concerning things is my son shares the same bedroom as his mother. This means she is controlling every aspect of my sons life. I have expressed that he must have his own bedroom being 9years old, they have another bedroom in the apartment which is regarded as the guest bedroom. My son sadly is at risk of longer-term emotional harm. She is very envious and jealous of my relationship. In 3 months i have not seen him she still has not cut his hair or his nails which i ensure is done every week or two weeks when he is with me.
I have spoken to a designated social worker who feels they dont need to get involved, its taken 4 years!. By the way it is the same social service that was involved in the death of Arthur that has been in the news recently..pretty bad isnt it. I have also spoken to cafcass and made them aware of as much as i can, she appeared to be friendly and listening who knows what the report will say. She did reveal that she spoke to mother first and she when questioned regarding the violence etc she was unable to answer and give examples and was not able to answer direct questions.I have gone in with a view to get full residency as a long shot.
How else can i demonstrate this individual is harming abusing my son mentally, emotionally and verbally?? can i get an expert witness dealing with these matters to review the evidences and write a report??
thanks
Sid
@sid4u Hi and Happy new year. It's great that you get to speak to your son by video. Not ideal but just think of it as temporary. are you able to get a record or document from the police, when they interviewed you and and their thoughts about the statements your child made against you? should be good evidence for cafcass and court, as well the video recordings of your recent calls. How old is your child?
@bill337 my son is 9. The police said that if court need to rely on it then they can apply for it. i will seek to provide the recordings i have to court.
his mind is too warped to think for himself, he utters his moms words and claims they are his.
As an update my calls up until my hearing Wed 19th had stopped as mother was orchestrating the calls and coaching my son how to behave and what to say.
At the hearing mother joined via video as my son had covid. She was asked how calls went she claimed i was manipulating and coaching my son, blaming her and family etc. She had to monitor calls because apparently police, social and cafcass told her too. She was quized and asked precisely what i had been saying as examoles she couod not give any and stumbled stuttering due to lies.
I told them everytime i had a positive call i was bombarded with text messages that i am emotionally manipulating him. Then eventually my son not allowed to be himself. I shared concerns that my son shares the same bedroom as his mother, all my calls are recorded and i cannot any longer continue with this as it is and the conflict i am simply prepared to walk away.
Upon hearing this lay justices who never had our statements despitw submitting them over a week before the hearing gad ordered a section 37 report to determine how my son has ended uo where he is.
The matter has been adjourned until Mid April.
My call took place the day of the hearing as it should because i believe mother was afraid of being told off and my threat to leave.
However, my call that was meant to hapoen today my son never shown. I cant unserstand any child who looks forward to not speaking with their parent.
I do feel by bating her about wlaking away and now that she has my statement she will be letting our son see these and i hope this will reveal and unravel itself over time that she is mentally and emotionally abusing our son.
I am being alienated. My statement i managed to get an expert witness who specialises in matters child custody and divorce cases to assess the case and she was able to deduce the gas lighting and the fact she is in fact alienating the relationship and placing our son directly in the middle of conflict.
I have a long wait and plenty of games to experience.. just hope i get my eldest son so he can reunite with his younger brother and real family.
So stressed by this all need some advice on coping startegies
- @sid4u hi. Great to hear from you and that progress is being made. Court must have very serious safeguarding concerns if their ordering a section 37. Hope they can get to the bottom of this and resolve asap. With coping strategies I recommend breathing exercises.
- Try this https://youtu.be/tybOi4hjZFQ
- Cold showers. Good for stress relief.
- I found lot of useful resources and advice on youtube. Check out DSD https://youtu.be/Gl5UUoi38eo
@bill337 It has been an incredibly long and frustrating wait not being able to see my son since Nov last year, christmas holidays and new year.
So hearing was Wednesday 19th January 22 just gone at 10am, Mother was told to make my son available at 6pm on Teams every other day. I had a call for later that evening which happened lasted an hour and i was able to record it. My son was able to be himself before the internet got cut off.
Since then, no call has been allowed to take place as in my son is a no show on Friday 21st and again today Sun 23rd. I wait 10mins for him to join and it being recorded i call her phone but no answer. I will not continuously chase but i will show up for the call.
The fact that a Section 37 report is requested by the court, mother is not making my son available for the calls at all or will make it out as though my son does not want to speak with me.
The fact my calls arent happening as ordered by court, what can i do about it?? The next hearing is Mid April and the Sec 37 report will be ready end of March i hope??
She has now my statements and having exposed her in court, i guess i am seeing the rage of silent treatment. She is going to be further manipulating and brainwashing my son. She is oblivious to what she is doing and truly believe what she is doing is absolutely correct out of sight out of mind just pretending the case or i dont exist.
What am i suppose to do??
I'm sorry its being so difficult. You could apply on a C79 form to enforce the Child Arrangements Order although it may take some time before a hearing. Keep a diary note of every contact and every failed contact. Make sure you try every time you are supposed to have contact as she may turn it against you and say you haven't called.