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newdaddy99
(@newdaddy99)
Active Member Registered

Hi

 

Hoping you can help me please, my ex has just had my baby, well yesterday, she told me today 24 hours after he was born, but I just found  out that withint these 24 hours she has been and registered the birth of our son and not put me on the certificate

I am only allowed to see him when they say and my family are not allowed, I dont know what to do

I have a Mediation appointment next Monday to ask for a MIAM form as she has refused mediation, but I am concerned about how long it will take to get to court, and that me and all of my family are going to miss out on time with my son

I am currently doing as they ask so I can see him

 

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Topic starter Posted : 16/03/2021 7:12 pm
warwickshire1
(@warwickshire1)
Honorable Member Registered

To get a family court hearing could take up to two months. With your baby literally being a few days old it would be best to be patient and see your son at times your ex offers . As for your family it may be best to concentrate on yourself at moment and spending quality time just you and baby.  Where you are split up unfortunately other family members may have to wait until baby is older before seeing your son.

No doubt your ex is breast feeding and contact maybe only 1-2 hours at a time at most with your son being so young and very dependent on mum at moment. 

Most of the time i would advise to put court application in , but it maybe worth waiting a little while longer before doing so especially if you are actually seeing your baby son. After all he is only a few days old and your ex may come round a bit if you give her a bit of space

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16/03/2021 9:11 pm
newdaddy99
(@newdaddy99)
Active Member Registered

@warwickshire1

No he isnt being breast fed he is bottle fed so we have got over that hurdle

 

Family have said that they wont see him until it is ok to do so as long as I can so they are being fair

 

Ex will not change her mind she has said she wants to go to court as it is her child and not mine

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 16/03/2021 10:00 pm
Daddyup
(@Daddyup)
Prominent Member Registered

In addition to what Warwickshire has advised, I would also add that you have to keep in mind your ex has just had a baby. All of the post natal emotions will be there, she will be trying to figure things out and focus on the baby and settling at home etc.. Whilst she may be saying she wants to go court you've also said your only allowed to see baby when they say. If you go to court then you may end up in a situation where you see the baby when the court says and this could be even less due to the baby's age etc whereas your ex once things have settled may allow you to build up contact quicker and sooner. If you give it 3 to 6 months and you have hardly seen the baby and your ex is not engaging then by all means go to court.

 

What sort of contact are you looking for?

 

As you've said she hasn't added you to the birth certificate then you need to submit an application to the court to grt Parental Responsibility.

 

All the best. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16/03/2021 10:51 pm
Bill337
(@bill337)
Famed Member

Hi,

I can relate to this. I was quick to make a court application shortly after baby was born. And it was worth it. Court ordered that she give me a private room at her place for me to see baby. was short time, started off 30 minutes each saturday, then gradually increased by hours, and overnight stays to start soon. There was lot of ugly and abusive behaviour which is why I did not wait around. If things are more amicable between you and ex, then maybe you could hang onto the MIAM form, and delay making the c100 application. MIAM is valid for 12 months.

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Posted : 17/03/2021 11:14 am
actd
 actd
(@actd)
Illustrious Member

I agree with the above. I would really take the contact you are being offered at the moment (and don't forget, she could simply not offer you anything at the moment) and see how it goes on for 3 months before doing anything, it might just improve, and if you make it official now, she might dig her heels in. If you can come to an amicable agreement, that is alway going to be preferable to going down the court route.

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Posted : 17/03/2021 12:20 pm
newdaddy99
(@newdaddy99)
Active Member Registered

Thanks, I have a mediation meeting on Monday, and they have agreed after liasing with the ex that they will sign the form for me

She has advised holding tight for the time being, I am allowed to see my son, and I am making the most of the contact, I am limited to times but it is still contact, what I am finding hard is that I have to share it with her friends, so it is not just me and my son

Obviously I wish to show my son off to my family but they understand as well that it is not possible at the moment, my concern is the birth certificate but was told today that I would have to make a court application for this as she has already done it and the only way to get it altered is through court (unless she changes it within the 28days) so I will have to go to court anyway, I was told to wait and file both contact and birth certificate at the same time, ex is saying that in 3 months time she will decide if I can see him at my house, which I do think is unreasonable, we are non smokers and her shared house is full of smokers she also smokes, and I just want him to get some non smoking air, appreciate I am panicking but I'm a new dad. and overnight stays will not happen until she is confirmatble in leaving him, can I ask if this is normal? I want to have my son and him overnight and find it hard that I may have to wait 6 months or more because the ex doesnt want me to have him...whats everyone thoughts on this? I have an annexe at my parents house so I have a full and adequate home to accomodate my son all of which is full of newborn clothes and accessories which no doubt wont be used 🙁 I am just finding it really hard at the moment

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 17/03/2021 9:31 pm
warwickshire1
(@warwickshire1)
Honorable Member Registered

I would actually agree to all of the above your ex has suggested, but that she also makes sure now she returns to registry office and puts your name on birth certificate. If you go to court with baby being so young you are likely to get less possibly than she is offering. At least for now she is letting you see your baby and it wont be long before she hopefully allows you to take baby to your home

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Posted : 17/03/2021 10:47 pm
Bill337
(@bill337)
Famed Member

hi,

I think her considering you seeing child at your place in 3 months time is pretty reasonable. I was seeing my child for 1 hour every 2 weeks at a coffee shop till she turned 1. overnights will be starting when she is 2 and a half. Hopefully you will get to have overnights with your child earlier than that.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17/03/2021 11:28 pm
Daddyup
(@Daddyup)
Prominent Member Registered

Hi

 

In your situation it sounds like you really want to keep things out of court. At the moment you are being offered contact albeit limited with a view to increasing it in future (3 months) which is great.

 

If you go to court you have to factor in so many things. As soon as you apply to the courts, your ex could stop all contact and say let's see what the court says. Courts currently delays. You may have to go through multiple hearings. It's also not just the judge involved but possibly CAFCASS, reports may need to be written, everyone will have an opinion.

 

Going to court is so unpredictable. Give it 3 to 6 months and if nothing has improved then go to court. 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18/03/2021 8:19 am
newdaddy99
(@newdaddy99)
Active Member Registered

Thanks everyone, really appreciate it 

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 18/03/2021 8:32 am
Champagne
(@champagne)
Reputable Member

You can get the birth certificate changed but you have to make a statutory declaration of acknowledgement of parentage to go with it.  You could also both sign a parental responsibility agreement which can go with the application.  Your ex can't put you on the birth certificate without you being there or having signed an acceptance of parental responsibility.  The various forms can be downloaded on the www.gov.uk website.  Having parental responsibility will give you rights in the future but go gently so you don't put her off

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Posted : 18/03/2021 10:27 am
NellGC liked
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