[Solved] Advice please
My boy will be 11 months old next week. I am still not allowed to have him on my own. The only time I have is twice in the house when she went to the shops, combined time 30mins.
Reason? I made a bottle incorrectly once. By mistake .
I’ve asked even to take him up the road in the pushchair but I can’t be trusted due to the bottle incident and now , because of the long hours I’ve had to work recently to pay for everything ( she has no intention of going back to work) she now decides it would ruin his routine.
I don’t find either of these relevant. I can’t bond with my child as she insists on doing everything. Whenever she needs someone to watch him, her parents do it, whilst I,m at work.( haircuts, dentists etc)
As I told her I felt it was unreasonable she blocked me spending Fathers Day with him by taking him out by herself. I then faced sbusive comments for not having enough money to keep everyone.
I have applied for mediation, but am scared that this won’t work. All through the pregnancy and these past 11 months, it has been a case of ‘if you don’t do this you will never see your child again)
See what mediation brings, as the courts require this anyway before you can apply for a child arrangement order, but if mediation doesn't work out, then they can sign the form to allow you to proceed to apply to court. There is the hope that applying for mediation may push her to be more reasonable (she might realise that to a stranger, her actions are totally unreasonable), but if not, then I can't see a court agreeing with her reasoning.
Its a common problem when a baby is born to separated parents, the mothers natural protectiveness can go into overdrive... she will want to maintain control over all aspects of your child’s life, and in a way that also means she has control over you too.
Hopefully, mediation will help her to realise that you have a right to be involved and that you only have the best interests of your child at heart.
It was unfortunate that you made the bottle up incorrectly, but if it gets to court, they will take that on board and probably order that you take some kind of parenting course. It might be a good idea to pre empty that and get yourself enrolled on a course yourself, it might also help the mother see that you’re taking your role seriously.
Contact and child maintenance are two entirely separate issues and one isn’t dependent on the other. It’s important that you take financial responsibility for your child, as , that way if she accuses you of not giving her enough you can show her that you are paying the correct amount. Here’s a link
You could also try and introduce a Parenting Plan when you’re at mediation, this would be something that you can both work on and will give you both a good framework of how to parent together.
Don’t be disheartened if mediation doesn’t work, as actd says, the mediator will sign the court form to say you have tried. The form is called a C100 and you would be applying for a Child Arrangements Order. It will cost £215 to make the application at your local family court, but that’s a one off charge.
Some Dads instruct a solicitor, but that can easily cost thousands, many members here have decided to go to court without a lawyer, with much success. It’s doable and we will be on hand to offer you advice and support along the way, if you decide to self represent.
Best of luck