Hi Proud_dad101,
What a lot of things you have on at the moment.
A young child, a very busy job, trying to start your own business and a debt problem as well - no wonder things are falling through the gaps.
The first thing you need to know is - your not on your own.
Confiding in close friends will at least unburden you mind of all the things that must be racing around it at the moment. Also coming to the forum was a good idea as well.
Confiding in people doesn't make you appear weak, if you think about it, admitting that you need to talk about things with someone else is actually quite a strong action to take. Especially if it starts you down the road to sorting your problems out.
First thing you need to do is apologise to your wife and daughter - I think we all agree on that. Next thing is that you and your wife have to talk and try to find a way forward.
She must feel quite isolated at the moment - you two are partners in raising your daughter and she must feel like the burden is all on her - however that said you are trying to juggle a job and starting a new business and don't seem to have much time for little else, not even relaxation.
To be honest I think you are trying to take too much on at the moment. You and your wife really need to talk and come to an agreement about what your family really needs from you both, maybe starting a new business needs to be put on hold for a year or so to allow you to concentrate on other priorities or maybe there is another solution. You both need to understand the pressure the other is under and how you can help each other.
You also mentioned debts - to be honest debt management can be easily sorted - I only know this because a few years ago my family, for various reasons, were saddled with debts we couldn't pay. When it all got too much for us we found The Consumer Credit Counselling Service (CCCS) and they were able to help us sort out these problems. You can either talk to them by posting on our ask a CCCS counsellor board or by sending them a PM or by visiting them at Debt Remedy
Whatever your problems - you and your wife need to talk openly and honestly without any accusations or anger - between the two of you you'll come up with a solution and as actd has said, if need be, use relate or another counselling service to help you both to communicate openly.
just and update.
i firstly apologised to my wife and daughter (she is only 9 months but hey ho). I have now agreed to step back a bit from the business and have agreed to let a friend help (one of the colleagues i previously mentioned).
I have also contacted the CCCS and will take steps to sort out the debt situation.
feeling better about things already, just need to keep it up.
thanks for your help and will keep posting.
Hi Proud_dad101
Saw you were online - how you doing today ?
Hi ProudDad,
I am so pleased to hear that you feel uplifted by taking action.
I would really value being able to support you, even though it would be at a distance and through this website...
So, please do post here. My hope is that you would know there are many people 'here for you', and able to understand some of the fatherhood, relationship, marriage and work/life balance difficulties.
I want to stand side-by-side with you as you move onwards.
/MrOrange
Yeah great, having difficulty with banks being banks.
on the whole pretty good feeling about things.
have agreed to take daughter to nursery when she starts at the end of the month which went down well 🙂
Thanks for asking.
Looks like a huge improvement from where you were yesterday. 😀
Recognising the problem (whatever it is) is a big first step, and a sign of strength, not weakness. Only when you have recognised this can you do anything about it, and you clearly are now moving forwards. Keep us posted - good news is always welcome 😀
Mr Orange,
That is fantastic i really appreciate your support and will continue to post updates as things progress.
Look forward to speaking again soon
Great.
Things always seems worse just after a row. The only thing I can suggest is to talk. You can't do that whilst your daughter's around - can you get Grandma or someone else to take her out for a morning - better to have a big discussion when you're fresh than when you're tired.
I know you're not going to want to hear this but, in my opinion, looking after even one child is one of the hardest jobs around. I only do it for two days a week and by the time Satuday comes, I just want to go out and leave my wife to it, so I can understand your wife's frustration.
I'm quite confrontational, so I'm probably not the best at suggesting how to approach the chat - I'm sure some of the others will pitch in. This is the best I can suggest. Try to stay calm. Avoid statements - ask questions - make sure you find out what she thinks about the situation and the business. Don't respond to anything. Don't blame. Don't start responding with a "Yes but that happened because of..." half-way through her first sentence. (Men do it all the time.) Avoid going over what got you to where you are and try to focus on what needs to change. If you like, imagine yourself as a scout on a reconaissance mission - you're there to gather facts. Then take them away and think them over.
Hi guys,
Following on from the fantastic advice things have been better, we are talking about things more, i am spending more time with my daughter, and the business is growing steadily.
only problem at the moment is that my business mentor wants 2010 to be the year my business grows in to a full time thing which will mean a lot of work until things calm down, this would be fantastic but scares the [censored] out of me and i know this will cause stress at home, but on the other hand we could really do with the money, REALLY.
hope you all had a great Christmas and have a fantastic New Year.
Hi prouddad,
Sorry to hear you're having problems, work/life balance can be so hard. I wonder if you've thought about all your flexible working options? This direct gov site outlines all the options/info on flexible working- http://bit.ly/avW3yd and might help- hope so!
That's a great link Dadrights - we featured it on the front page of DadTalk today - we have the DirectGov video on the news item as well.
Well worth a look.
gooner :ugeek: