Hi all.
Long story short, I became a father last week, the baby was conceived as a one night stand and I wanted a paternity test doing before I got fully involved as she was by her own admission seeing another guy but insisted it was mine. The mother refused to do this for 4 months whilst pregnant, setting off alarm bells.
she did finally agree and for the last 3 months of pregnancy we kept in light contact with her telling me how scans went etc.
Baby arrived and she sent lots of pics and all was well, then baby got sick and needed life saving surgery. At this point baby mother was still fine with me.
The day came that paternity tests were in and I was the father, said I could come meet him but couldn’t stay long as still in hospital. I drove 3 hours almost immediately. All seemed well but she was off with me.
Next morning she messaged saying because of distance and restrictions in hospital it’s best I didn’t visit again until home, she only wanted people around her who supported her during pregnancy and I’d have to “own my decision of wanting a paternity test” which made it like this.
Due to baby being unwell I didn’t rock the boat but admitted I was heartbroken at that. We don’t know how long he’s in hospital for meaning I could potentially go weeks/months without seeing hi
Thankfully baby is getting better by the day but baby mother is just so short and sharp when I message asking about him, not telling me barely any updates unless I ask. Her mood changed the second paternity results came in, at least we were civil then. Feels like she’s punishing me for it.
Before all this we said we wouldnt need to get courts involved but Im Fearing the worst now and wondering if she’s going to let me and my family see him. Not a biggy but noticed last night she’s removed me off all social media.
is there anything I can do in readiness? Granted I know the strain she’s been under and stress the last week so that could explain things and I don’t want to add to that but can’t help feels she’s being cruel and evil here.
This must be very upsetting for you and its a very difficult situation. Firstly, did you get a result of the paternity test and are you sure the result is reliable? She may ask you for financial support and unfortunately, financial support and access are two separate issues. You would be liable to pay maintenance even if she prevents you from seeing your child. You will then have to go through the court process which can be lengthy and stressful. Do you think she would agree to mediation? That would be a quicker and cheaper route to coming to an agreement.
Hi,
Suggest to give it some more time. Due to you being 3 hours away, I don't think it's realistic to travel that far with baby back to your place. You could propose if you could see child for a very short time, then see if that time can gradually increase as child gets older?