Hi all,
It's been a while since I've had to post a query for myself. Does anyone have any experience of returning to court to have the wordings / specifications in an order more tightly defined?
The order relating to my son has been running for several years now, but every year his mother reinterprets her understanding of what is written within it to her own advantage, leading to weeks - if not months - of conflict. All school holidays are meant to be equally shared, but the rule of thumb is she will go through all manner of contradictory contortions to ensure her 'half' of our son's holiday time is bigger than mine.
Frankly, I'm becoming exhausted with this - I just want to enjoy my time with my son, while having as minimal contact with his mum as possible, and I'm rapidly reaching the point that I think it might be better to return to court.
Any advice appreciated.
Hi Bill, no, not quite. It's just that she frequently quotes the order to me and insists on it meaning different things every year. The only consistent thread is that she expects to get more than half of the holidays each year, and goes through all kinds of contradictory logic to try to bulldoze her point of view through. She's very aggressive in the way she does it as well.
We've arranged the holidays by email for years. Point out how she has contradicted herself via cutting and pasting her own words goes straight over her head.
I'm tired by this all, and would rather have a court order that wasn't open to the arbitrary mood of one controlling parent.
hi,
i think even with the most specific and best-worded orders, some of those nutter ex's will always be able to play games with it.
court tried to make my order as specific as possible. it reads father to have kids for 7 consecutive nights in summer 2021, xmas. father to get 2 week block of 7 consecutive nights in summer 2022, 7 nights for easter and xmas going forward. dates to be agreed by both parents.
this was after i returned to court earlier this year to have order varied. i remember you gave me good advice about arrangements, like get fri-mon and mid-week overnights 🙂
The problem I've had to deal with over the years has been the lack of some specifics. Any and all areas in the order that aren't tightly nailed down - she assumes ownership of as she sees the order as being about limitations placed on me. For example, the order doesn't state precisely when a school holiday begins or ends. She's tried in the past to argue they begin the morning after the last day of school when he's due to be with me, but as soon as the bell dings for the closing of school when he's with her. There is no consistency in her arguments either, other than her determination to ensure she has the greater 'half' of his holidays.
She is quite abusive in a very passive-aggressive manner in areas of contact outside the court order, but to be honest those occasions are generally irrelevant to me as it's a clear indicator of her continual need to spread her own misery, and by and large several months at a time can go by when I'm spared of having any contact with her stupidity.
How do you go about applying for a variation? I'm not asking for a massive change, though I'm very tempted to put a scare into her by asking for a 50/50 arrangement. What I want is an end to her annual reinterpretation of a 6-year order that causes so much conflict and upset.
hi,
my ex was stupid with holidays also. on the last day of term, she told me to collect one child at 10am, then collect the other one when she finishes school at 15:15 :p
i said no, its still term time (last day of school), holiday does not start while one child is still sitting in school. will get both kids after school. as someone mentioned, these ex's are almost carbon copies of each other, with their stupidity being almost identical.
for variation, you have to sit a MIAM and then submit a c100. if the problem is just holidays, then you can tick the box for a specific issues order. apply for variation if you want more days/nights with kids etc
Thanks so much for that tip Bill. I will probably pm you for more of the same re your experience on this in the coming weeks if she continues being malicious.