Hello,
I've been seperated from my Ex for just over two years now and have two daughters aged 6 and 4.
We had an arrangement in place that i would take the children every three weekends out of four and cover the holidays that the child minder took as far as my annual entitlement would let me. In the end that turned out to me taking them every weekend.
According to the CM Calculator i should be paying £43 a week, in the arrangement we made i was going to pay £50 a week for them. However just before Christmas she had started dating again and was getting last minute phone calls telling me that she was keeping the girls for that weekend. She has also just quit her job and tonight she was on asking me if i could take them on Friday as she had a flight to go down south to be with her boyfriend. I'm working and all all my relatives are also, and was not able to assist this put her into a rant, making hurtful comments about that i'm a useless father and don't do anything for them. She also mentioned that she had a call from the CM and they said they could get her more money and if she was happy with the arrangement, she also threatened to stop access.
I'm struggling to make ends meet and when we split two years ago all the debt was in my name, which i'm still trying to pay off. I left her with everything and only took my computer equipment which i used for work and started a fresh with my flat that i currently rent.
I'm now worried that the CM will come along and demand more money which i cannot afford to, I'm barely getting by and when my daughters are here it pains me that i can't always take them places as i don't have the funds to do so, which she uses to attack me saying that i don't do anything with them.
I'm not sure what to do or handle this situation, it started off and we where both amicable, but not i can't get a word in either way and everything has to be her way to no way at all.
A very worried father.
Hi there 🙂
Have a look at the sticky at the top of this section called "How does the CSA calculate payments" It will explain in more depth about what you should be paying and any reductions you are entitled to.
Child Maintenance and contact are not linked and one is not dependant on the other.
As you mention that you had been amicable it might be worth going for Mediation. This would give you the opportunity to discuss all the issues and try and reach agreement.... heres a link -
www.nfm.org.uk
I don't believe that the CSA cold call people touting for business and as you have a private arrangement and CSA aren't involved there would be no reason for them to call her... I think she was bluffing!
I agree - it's hard enough to get the CSA to do things they should be doing, let alone having the time to do this. They certainly wouldn't say she could get more money, they'd simply do the calculation and send you the new payment schedule.
Have you checked the deductions you are allowed as NJ mentioned above - the CSA will often make an allowance for debt which was taken out when you were together if it was for the benefit of the family.
I wonder whether you could hint that you have been looking at the contact and you are contemplating going for a contact order if she is going to withhold contact (and mention that she isn't eligible for legal aid) - however, perhaps that can be done at mediation to persuade her to stick to the arrangments.