So, my wife of 15 years decides that our marriage is over and I am to move out, after a week or so of me trying to find out why and talk I moved out, since I have moved out I have gone out of my way to make sure everything is amicable, having the 3 kids at mine 2/3 nights week, running around picking them up and dropping them off, and paying more maintenance than required to make sure they were ok. 3 weeks after the split she had someone round the house for the night, I know this as my eldest son was told he wasn’t allowed back to the house to pick something up as she had a friend round, now 8 weeks after the split she is talking about having her new boyfriend around to stay while the kids are there, he’s allready been introduced to my youngest and she’s talked about him taking my kids to weekend sports clubs etc, something that I’ve allways done, do I have any rights over people that she’s bringing into contact with my kids at all? This guy could be anything, and he’s going to be in contact with my 13 yr old daughter, any suggestions?
Hi there
It's a difficult situation, how do your kids feel about it? You don't have any redress to be honest, you just have to trust that she isn't putting them at risk. You have every right to be as involved in your kids lives, suggesting that a new boyfriend of 8 weeks take over things that you have always done, is pushing it!
It might be helpful to attend mediation to try and get some ground rules in place, perhaps suggest working on a parenting plan. Is mediation fails, the mediator will sign the form to enable you to apply to court for a Child Arrangements Order, you could address the new boyfriends role as well.
I can understand why you want to pay more than you're required to, but it was her choice to end your marriage, and from her actions, it's likely this other man was on the scene before you split... as hard as it may be, perhaps you should take a firmer stance with her, use the extra money to do things with your kids when they're with you.
I feel for you, your head must be all over the place right now, don't forget to look after yourself too mate.
All the best
Thanks a lot for the reply, we spoke last night about everything that was on my mind, it led to a massive argument as soon as I mentioned the new boyfriend but I’m glad I’ve said my piece now, I’ve told her I’m reducing child maintenance to the level the csa day I should pay with me having them 2 to 3 times a week, I guess I just have to trust that this guy is a normal guy and not going to do anything to harm my kids, im completely over her, but not over not living with my kids, the annoying thing about all of this is that their safety is my only concern, she seems to take it personally when i ask her to make sure they are safe, she thinks I’m calling her a bad parent for assuming she wasn’t sure about him before introducing him to my kids. Thanks for the reply, you talk a lot of sense!!!
I think it was a good idea to get things out in the open, mentioning the new boyfriend would probably have triggered feelings of guilt, hence her defensive response.
Your kids will be feeling confused and insecure, their lives have changed more or less overnight, so it's important that they're not involved in any difficulties that arise between you and your ex... if they ask awkward questions, keep it as simple as you can, and give them lots of reassurance and love... which I'm sure you will be doing anyway.
All the best