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Daughter and Stepmother Not Bonding

 
Dad990
(@dad990)
New Member Registered

My wife and I have been together for approx. 5years now and I have a 12year old daughter from a previous relationship. My wife has 2 kids (18 and 15) who I get on great with, bar the odd hormonal outburst. When my daughter comes to stay she has always been made to feel part of the family and included in everything we do. The problem is recently my wife has voiced her concern regarding her relationship with my daughter. She finds trying to communicate with her difficult and doesn't really get much back from her when she tries and feels she cannot bond with her.

They have tried "girlie" activities over the years but my wife says it all feels very awkward and forced as my daughter is so quiet with her. My wife is now at the point where she feels its pointless to keep trying if she is getting the same results

My daughter can be shy with new people, but this shouldn't be the case this far down the line. I am acutely aware that my daughter answers questions with a shrug of the shoulders and a minimal word response (not in a moody way) and can look like a startled rabbit in the headlights when she is asked questions. this is not just with my wife but members of my wife's family and even my daughters grandparents on my side that she doesn't see that often. 

She is generally very chatty with me and when i see her with her friends she doesnt shut up. I have tried to speak with my daughter regarding this issue but she just clams up, gets upset and and won't voice her thoughts.

I don't speak to my daughters mother so cannot discuss this with her either.

I was hoping that someone may have had similar experience or could me some advice.

Thanks

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 01/09/2022 4:27 pm
mrstrange
(@mrstrange)
Estimable Member Registered
Posted by: @dad990

My wife and I have been together for approx. 5years now and I have a 12year old daughter from a previous relationship. My wife has 2 kids (18 and 15) who I get on great with, bar the odd hormonal outburst. When my daughter comes to stay she has always been made to feel part of the family and included in everything we do. The problem is recently my wife has voiced her concern regarding her relationship with my daughter. She finds trying to communicate with her difficult and doesn't really get much back from her when she tries and feels she cannot bond with her.

They have tried "girlie" activities over the years but my wife says it all feels very awkward and forced as my daughter is so quiet with her. My wife is now at the point where she feels its pointless to keep trying if she is getting the same results

My daughter can be shy with new people, but this shouldn't be the case this far down the line. I am acutely aware that my daughter answers questions with a shrug of the shoulders and a minimal word response (not in a moody way) and can look like a startled rabbit in the headlights when she is asked questions. this is not just with my wife but members of my wife's family and even my daughters grandparents on my side that she doesn't see that often. 

She is generally very chatty with me and when i see her with her friends she doesnt shut up. I have tried to speak with my daughter regarding this issue but she just clams up, gets upset and and won't voice her thoughts.

I don't speak to my daughters mother so cannot discuss this with her either.

I was hoping that someone may have had similar experience or could me some advice.

Thanks

Does your daughter an the 15 year old child get on?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19/09/2022 5:08 pm
Dad990
(@dad990)
New Member Registered

Hi @mrstrange 

My daughter gets on with my wife's 18yr old daughter but doesn't really have much of a bond with her 15yr old son. My step daughter has said that things are a bit strained at times with my daughter. The conversation isn't really there and she tends to copy her a lot. I think this is though admiration and putting her on a pedestal but I could be wrong.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 19/09/2022 5:21 pm
mrstrange
(@mrstrange)
Estimable Member Registered

@dad990 

It sounds like you are doing all the right things to improve the relationships. However, it’s not uncommon for people to not get along. Animosity is not always the reason. Some times the chemistry isn’t there and this applies to neighbours, colleagues or extended family members.

 

Neither does it help that your child is s teenager. The positive is that she gets on with the 18 year old daughter. That’s a success. How about getting them two to spend more time together and ease of the pressure a bit of your daughter having to bond with your wife.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19/09/2022 6:11 pm
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