Very difficult having to walk away from a pregnancy.
The mother has drinking difficulty and psychological problems
There was a substantial amount of support on my part but she continued to drink until she found out she was pregnant and had done this many times in the he past where she stop because of pregnancy and soon after the child's birth go on a massive rebound she has also put her children in danger but the family come to her aid and do their best to hide it from any attempts of outside influences. She has tried to help her self through psychological means in the past but it has not worked. I have seen her ex partner come to collect his children and she be drunk. I tried my best to help her point out the fact that she will loose everything her career her home the lot ......my baby is going to be involved in all this and I as a man have no say in the matter because the woman is looked upon as someone who needs her children and they need her to and I absolutely agree ...AllI want to do is help but I just don't know where to start with out causing a massive storm I was told if I make any such complaint to authorise it will antagonise the mother massively which will make my life [censored]. She has told me she can not cope . And I have seen that many many times her mother keeps well out of the way when she's drinking. I do not want to be like her ex turning up at the door to collect my baby knowing all the above is going on. It's difficult to walk away knowing your baby going to be caught up in all the above. Any advice very much appreciated.
I presume that you can't persuade the mother to go to Alcoholics Anonymous?
It might be worth you going to Al Anon - it's a self help group for people who are affected by alcoholics, and might help you to understand what actually goes on - I've been in the past as I was married to someone who was an alcoholic, and your situation does sound a little familiar.
Thanks very much for your prompt reply indeed you are right I have spoken to alcoholic anonymous they to said this is the trait of an alcoholic. I have spoken to many types of professional who seem to conclude that I just can not get myself involved it's too much. As there is no bond between me and the baby yet it seems logical to walk away while I have that chance knowing fatherhood is more than biology. But also the guilt of leaving a baby in such circumstances but what can I do it's not just her drinking its the effect my actions will have on all of the children and I don't want to cause them anymore psychological harm by having them removed from her. Just to add she tried what you have suggested she's been drinking since she was very young and she's from a family of drinkers.
Me and the mother of my baby are not together. Also the mother does not seem to be very self aware and see others as having the problem and not her self. She can be manipulative and she has demonstrated this.
She needs help and she's tried I don't won't to look at her as someone that is horrible difficult person but to understand that it's alcohol that has taken hold of her sense of self who she is someone who has deep seated Psychological difficulty that are at the root of this. But she has said drinking has a powerful hold on her. There's no doubt in my mind she will carry on.
My head's all over place in in a very bad place right now
I would really consider Al Anon (it's a separate group to alcoholics anonymous), all of what you are going through is the same as a lot of others. My ex still blames everyone else but herself, she's lost her children, her high flying career, her home and a lot of her friends, but she still is convinced she has done nothing wrong and that it's everyone else who is at fault.