Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi guys, just signed up as this forum looked a good place for getting advice on my current situation.
My ex wife left me approx 7 years ago now and from day 1 we had an arangement of 50/50 shared custody of our daughter.
Essentially wk 1 I get her from saturday evening until wednesday evening and in wk 2 I get her from sunday evening until wednesday evening.
This worked perfect until feb last year when my ex started witholding my daughter on the saturday nights - at this point I went through solicitors and got a joint residence order put in place and the times, etc returned to how they had been for almost 6 years to that point.
We are only getting the divorce sorted now and the barrister said he was hoping everything would be tied up by the summer.
This past week my daughter started not eating well, during dinner on monday she seemed to choke for a second on a piece of meat in her dinner, but was fine after- though she got quite upset as you came imagine. Everthing was fine again until tuesday dinner when she was reluctant to eat much at dinner, she just picked at her food.
My girlfriends mum works at the school my daughter goes to and said she could be coming down with the bug thats been going around.
In the middle of the night my daughter woke up and was sick and had diarea, and wretched a few times on an empty stomach between then and morning time.
She wasn't at school and I kept her on fluids and tried her on toast, etc, plain food so as to not cause her to throw up more though she didnt want food, just drank. She said she would try something to eay once she got to her mums.
She had to return to her mum that evening so I put the details of her being sick in the diary that goes between the houses (as ex refuses to talk to me face to face during the time I drop/collect our daughter so the diary was suggested for any important info that need shared).
Ex has been awkward in past year or so since the joint residence order, refusing to allow me to text to see how wee one is (which I had done every day that she hadnt been with me since we split), refusing to allow me to get out of my car when dropping or collecting my daughter (for no good reason may I add), I regularly get letters with false accusations such as I sound my car horn until my duaghter comes out of the house when I am collecting her (my solicitor has had to write back to ask them to stop being so petty on several occasions).
Anyway, seeing as I cannot hear about my daughter during the time she is at her mums, I am just left to wonder how she was.
On saturday morning (I was due to get her at 7pm that evening), my ex texts my mum to say that she took our daughter to A & E on thurday morning, that she has food phobia since arriving back at her house, that her blood sugar was low and that under these circumastances she would not be giving my her that evening. My mum contacted me and I text to ask how she was, why she needed to remain with her, had she contacted solicitors and when would I expect to get my daughter.
I got a text back saying to contact my solictor on monday morning - I asked "So your keeping her all weekend then?", another reply with contact your solicitor on monday morning.
Several issues here - surely as a joint residence parent I should be contacted when my child goes to hospital, not find out about it over 48 hours later via a text to my mum?
It would seem she held off letting me know she was keeping her till saturday morning, knowing full well that I wouldnt be able to get in touch with a solicitor till monday. I am guessing she is trying to (falsely) accuse me of making her ill?
She is breaking a court order - I am going to the solicitor in the morning, but unsure as to what will happen.
Can anyone do anything for me to get my daughter (who is 9 now) back to me this week, or if she continues to hold onto her are my hands tied until the court does something?
Surely she cannot disregard my rights as a parent and disregard the court order?
Is there some sort of enforcement that will make her return her to me and penalise her for this?
Sorry for the length of this - any help/advice would be much appreciated as I am worried about my daughter and when I will get to see her again.
Hi ProjectAnimal ,
Welcome to the forum. I can imagine how concerned for your daughter you are and worried about when you will be able to see her again.
I have asked our legal partners The Children's Legal Centre to have a look at this and respond with some advice.
Keep us posted
Gooner
Dear ProjectAnimal,
Form your thread it seems that you have a solicitor in this matter. Therefore we are unable to advise in depth on this matter, as to do so would be very unprofessional. You mentioned that you were due to see your solicitor on Monday and so you may well have seen your solicitor already. We would strongly recommend that you speak to your solicitor as they know your case and the situation very well so they will be able to advise you fully.
You are right in stating that a residence order is legally binding. As such it can be taken back to court for enforcement as the mother should be complying with what is stated. What penalty is imposed for this breach will depend on whether there is a penalty notice attached to the residence order. It could potentially result in a fine or community employment, although not knowing your situation in detail it is impossible to predict. The court may also order that your ex wife complies with the residence order, and that your daughter be returned to you on the days you are due to have her.
Ideally your ex wife should be informing you about any medical issues arising with your daughter, as you should be with her, however this is more of a recommendation. It is unfortunately impossible to force one parent to communicate with the other and therefore it can be difficult to remain aware of everything that is going on with your daughter whilst she is with her mother.
Whilst your daughter is due to be with you, you may wish to contact the police and request they return your daughter to you. Sometimes the police will not get involved because they view this sort of incident as a domestic matter; it very much depends on the police force in question. However the residence order is legally binding, so they may bring your daughter to you.
We hope this information has been of use to, and again recommend that you speak to your solicitor about this matter as soon as possible.
Kind regards
The Children’s Legal Centre
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.