thanks actd...will get organising him so hopefully our end will be straight.
Just want to say thanks for taking the time to write the guide. I've been split up with my ex wife for 18 months and during that time she's stopped me seeing my kids for 5 months in total. Between bills and the CSA I couldn't afford to go to court. I found out a few days ago that I could represent myself. I've completed the C100 form and I'm submitting them to court tomorrow. I think I understand the process roughly of whats going to happen now. Thanks again
hi and welcome
Keep us informed of how you are going (and thanks for the appreciative comments to yoji), if there's anything you're stuck with, you can usually get help here, and as you are representing yourself, we can also call on the experts at CCLC to give advice.
Thank you so much for this guide! It is fab and has really set our minds at rest! My ex partner moved with no notice 2.5 years ago and refused to disclose her or my sons new address. I understand 2 1/2 years is a long time not to see my son but this has been through no decision of mine. Before she moved my son and i had a very strong relationship with staying contact every alternate weekend etc.
It took me approx 18 months to find out my sons new address and since knowing this and the area he lives I have been able to find out through the local education authority where he goes to school and am in the process of building a good relationship with them and supporting my sons education from a distance.
I have sent countless letters to my ex's solicitor asking for contact to be reinstated, asking for reasons why contact was stopped, reasons why i couldnt know my sons address etc and my own proposals for contact to be reinstated however all of my letters have been ignored by her solicitor.
I had a solicitor acting on my behalf for approx 9 months where letters were exchanged and my ex agreed for me to start sending my letters to my son via her solicitor. I did this for 4 weeks and was then asked again to stop this. I am no longer claiming legal aid as I received a pay rise of £30pcm which put me above the legal aid bracket!
It was only recently that I have been informed that I am able to represent myself and until reading this thread have not known where to start! My current partner has been amazing and as you have informed she has put me a bible together including everything from police reports (ex's violent behaviour) solicitor letters and what contact I woudl like to receive.
My only question I have as we are filing the C100 on Monday coming is do you suggest i write my ex's solicitor one last time prior to filing suggesting 1 session of mediation? and if this does come about can i then proceed with the contact order to have the mediation agreement put into an order? i hope this makes sense? I dont want to file until I am in a position to stand in court and say that I have done everything physically possible to re-establish my relationship with my son.
Also it states on the C100 that all evidence (oral and written) must be submitted at the time of filing the C100......... what type of evidence does this include? and if it is not filled at this time does that mean I cannot use it at a later date?
Thank you for any help you can give me! :unsure:
Hi Actd
Just an update, you would not believe!!! When my son finally got the summons to his ex she then turned around and told him there was no child! He has spent over 7 months thinking he had a son, she sent him scan dates which he tried to go to, scan pictures, she had money and clothes for the baby out of him and his friend...at no point would she let him see the child and apart from going round and breaking down doors there was no chance, so he decided to go it the right way after taking advice. we still went to court after she emailed and told them that he was delusional that there was no child. Why would he pay out for mediation and court costs if he was as he certainly couldnt afford it. The court were good they appreciated we went and advised us to withdraw the application, they asked my son how he felt...he doesnt no, he thought he had a child, i have had him in tears on the phone thinking he was missing out on his childs life. They have assured us that it will all be kept on record in case she does this to anyone else. She told him she was pregnant to get him back then kept it going when he wouldnt out of spite..how can someone do that!!! We finally got her to admit it and recorded the phone call which the courts said we should keep...she then calmly said..'so we ok then can i text you later maybe we can meet up' !!!!!!!!! We informed the police about this as even the navy had given him time off for paternity leave but however much they tried there was nothing illegal that she had done, just morally.
What more can I say except thankyou for the advice you did give me even though it proved pointless in this case and at least i no where to send anyone if they do need this type of advice.
Hi Jules
whenever I see a posting starting "you would not believe", I think "I probably would" - but yours is one of those rare ones that really is beyond belief. I can't even console by saying it's all turned out for the best, because it sounds like your son would make a good dad and was looking forward to being one, and that's been taken away from him (for now anyway). I'm sure he appreciates what good support he's had from you - in my case (completely different circumstances), that was one of the things I appreciated very quickly when the whole of my family rallied around. 🙂
thankyou, yes he would have been a good dad and i no that one day he will. I and the rest of my family would support him whatever, i know that is so important.
Hi
First of all I would really like to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to yoji for taking the time to write this extensive guide, it is such a Godsend - truly. The whole site/organisation is doing a fantastic job for a really worthwhile cause. We checked out fnf but are very gald we found you.
My husband is in the process of filling out the C100 to get it filed at court asap. We have got to this point slowly but surely after not knowing where to go after realising there was absolutely no chance that we could afford legal fees to go to court and that that was the only way he'd be allowed to see his son.
I was wondering if you know how long it takes once the papers are filed and also if once they are filed the ex- wife has to come to court, etc, even if she moves to Northern Ireland? If not we may have just found you a little too late. We may need to come back and ask further questions if we get stuck.
Either myself or my husband will be posting on here from now on and we will try to keep you updated as much as possible, after all everything learnt from one experience could be useful to someone else.
Thank you for your reply.
My husband split from his son's mother (they were married) when he [son] was under a year old (he is now 5 nearly 6). They lived in the same town five minutes round the corner from each other for a year or so and then she decided that she was moving with the child 70 odd miles away. My husband still continued very regular contact with his son and pretty much without incident until December 2009 when ex-wife started to mess around with access times over the Christmas period. In time, we moved for my husband's job which put further mileage between them. He then asked if arrangements could be made for son to come and stay with us which were met by a solicitor's letter and thereafter it's been solicitor's letters and emails but no contact except via phone for a few months until ex decided she was going to change her number.
The last time he saw his little boy was at the beginning of feb 2011 and that was only because son was at his paternal grandparents house for the weekend.
We have obtained info via various sites on the internet that ex has changed child's school (possibly surname too), is to be married within the next few weeks and will be moving to an army base in NI by the end of the summer. We are terrified that once they go we will have next to no chance of seeing this little boy ever again and that the new man in her life will seek PR and/or adoption and she will somehow manage to convince the powers that be that she can't contact my husband in order to get his consent.
Hope you understand what I have been trying to say. I know in parts it probably sounds quite erratic but obviously it's a very complex and long story and I was trying to get the main points out whilst not going on for too long.
Dear goonergaj,
Thank you for your query.
How long the court process will take will depend upon several factors, namely how busy the Court is and how complicated your court proceedings become. Once the C100 has been filed it will be 4-6 weeks before the first hearing takes place (again this is dependent on how busy the Court is). The whole Court process regarding contact issues can take between 4-6 months, although it may be either longer or shorted. There are many variables which will affect this. Given that it is been quite some time since direct contact between your husband and his son took place it is likely that contact will need to be build up over time, to give the child time to get used to contact and get to know his father again. This may mean that there will be a number of court hearings, as contact takes place and then the matter goes back to court to hear how contact has been going and whether it would be appropriate to increase contact.
Your husband has parental responsibility for your son and he has not lost this simply becuase there has not been contact or because he has remarried. Because he has Parental Responsibility should mum wish to enter into a Step Parental Responsibiity Agreement with her new husband, your husband would have to be contacted to give his consent. Should mum apply for a Step Responsibility Order or adoption, your husband would have to be located and invited to any court proceedings.
Moving to Northern Ireland would require your husband's consent. If mum goes without your husband's consent then your husband should seek the asisstance of family solicitor in this regard.
You should file your application in England as that is where the child is currently resident. In general court proceedings take place close to where the child is living. Should mum move to Northern Ireland she may request that the court proceedings be transferred to Northern Ireland. The laws in Northern Ireland are slightly different to England. Should mum move to Northern Ireland or proceedinsg be transferred to Northen Ireland it would be worth contact the Northern Ireland Children's Centre on 028 90 245704 for further advice.
We hope this information has been of use to you and wish you well as you take this matter forward.
Should you wish to discuss your situation further please do contact one of our legal advisors via our webchat which can be accessed on our website www.childrenslegalcentre.com between 9am and 6pm.
Yours faithfully
The Coram Children’s Legal Centre
Thanks very much for that info CCLC it has indeed been very useful, however I'd just like to clarify a few things. When we first went to seek advice from a solicitor around the time this all started we were told that mum would need to come to the area we live for court because that was where we would be filing (we live in east anglia region, she lives in Kent), were we then misinformed?
My husband's consent will not be sought on this move as mum wants no contact at all with him and is trying to eradicate him completely from son's life. As I mentioned she changed her number, changed the child's school and also shut down an email address we had for her. We looked at getting a prohibited steps order but weren't sure whether or not it applied to NI as that's obviously still part of the UK.
Is it correct that the fees for the contact order and prohibited steps order would in total be £400, do you know? And also we weren't sure if the application fees were all we have pay for the entire case? We can't find any literature that would suggest otherwise, but we are quite uncertain.
Sorry I know you said we could contact you via your website but neither of us are available during those hours for the next few days and we are trying to move forward with this and get as much info as quickly as possible whilst we're getting everything together. I'm sure we shall be contacting you via your website in the not too distant future. 🙂
Thank you once again for your advice and I would be very grateful for any knowledge you have on the points I've raised