[Solved] need help representing myself at court

Hi Simon 🙂

Had you attempted Mediation before applying to court for a Contact Order? This is considered to be the first step in disputes over contact with children. It is highly likely that the Judge will order that you both attend Mediation, either that or the Court Advisor will sit down with you both before going into court and try and help you both reach an agreement, if that isn't possible then as I said, its likely to be court ordered mediation.

There's nothing to prevent you from starting the mediation process before the first court hearing. If you contact a mediation centre you will be given an appointment where you will discuss the issues with the mediator. Once that has happened the mediator would then contact the mother and invite her to attend and if she agrees she would be able to discuss the issues she has. The next step would be to get you both to attend a joint meeting and hopefully reach an agreement. If this happens you could then go to the first hearing at court and ask that the agreement be written into a Consent Order. I think it's always better to have any contact arrangement written into an order and rubber stamped by the court as this makes it legally binding.

The judge won't really be interested in the financial side of things as child support and contact are two separate issues, it doesn't necessarily follow that paying maintenance entitles a parent to have contact with the child that is being paid for.

Here is a link to the mediation service - www.nfm.org.uk

thanks for the advice i tried to go through the medaition service when i got divorced 8 years ago but my x wife wouldnt turn up to sort things out thats why i havent tried medaition this time plus i know that she wont stick to anything that was arranged through medaition this is why i want a contact order put in place then if she doesnt stick to the court order she'll have to explain herself to the courts. do you think i should start medaition anyway? thanks again for the advice

...As I mentioned, I do think it would be worth giving Mediation a try. If you attend and she refuses then you will be given a form FM1 to give to the court to show that you have attempted to resolve it...

If you are on benefits or a low income, Legal Aid is still available for Mediation. If this is the case for you you can discuss it with the Mediator when you attend. 🙂

hi nannyjane thank you very much for all the advice im going to give mediation a ring on tuesday and try and start the ball rolling before i go to court i hope i qualify for legal aid as things are really tight with money at the min iv qualified for a recemption for the c100 form as im on a low income. at the min iv desided to stop the contact with my daughter as its not working (its one of the hardest desisions iv ever had to make)as im not getting to see her much anyway iv only seen her twice in 8 weeks and when im going to pick her up she's not in i dont think that it is fair for her mother to play with my daughters fellings or mine. i dont know if iv done the right thing but i just want my daughter to have a stable life which it isnt at the min i just thought it was best till i get a court order to sort out stable contact. thany you very much for all your advice nannyjane all the best simon.

If you obtained exemption from fees for the Court, then you will obtain legal aid for mediation - you will need to provide the same evidence of income.

I don't think you should stop contact with your daughter, it is only something that your ex could/would use in court. I know that you are not getting a lot of contact, but re-start it if you can, the fact that she prevents contact works better for you. A final Court Order can take months to sort out. So I would strongly urge you to re-start contact with your child. You may have to go through the hurt of being prevented from having contact but that will work for you not against you as it will at the moment because you stopped contact voluntarily.

hello thanks for your advice there will be no chance of regaining contact with my daughter untill i go through the courts now iv probally played right into her hands but i didnt know what to do for the best if she use's it in court then ill just have to try and explain to the courts my reasons for doing this. i will try to regain contact through mediation though thank you again for your advice all the best simon

Why will there be no chance? If you only recently stopped contact, you should be able to re-start it again, even if you have to turn round and say something along the lines of "I apologise I was so upset at not being able to see xxx". Give it a try. At least then if you end up in Court you can say yes I was upset ....and why I refused to have further contact, I felt it was better for my child....I wanted a formal Court Order because of this that and the other..". Just something along those lines.

me and my x wife do not get on one bit and do not have any contact what so ever the last time we spoke it turned into a massive argument which ended up with me kicking her car as i was walking past it and breaking the window which i shouldnt have done then the next thing i know iv got the police knocking at my door accusing me of trying to hit my x wife i did no such thing she was in her house when i kicked the car and i would never lay a finger on a woman iv been brought up better than that anyway to cut a long story short i ended up getting a 6 week prision sentence because of her lies so its best we have no contact with each other even if i asked if i could start contact up again she wouldnt let it ill try sending her a letter and try and get it started again thanks again for your advice atb simon

ahhh...ok .... you have already issued the application for contact and now asked for mediation , ....(if she refuses to attend or its shuttled mediation) it doesn't matter, but now that you have explained a little more with the court you will have to jump through some hoops first i.e. supervised contact contact at a contact centre and unfortunately you will have to play ball...the contact centre will be asked to provide reports for court.

The important thing still is that you attend mediation...and I would leave it to mediation to sort out now rather than write to her direct...she could end up accusing you of harassment in light of the past. Leave it to mediation and the court to deal with. I don't think you have any other choice.

do you think i will have to go to a contact center even though this happened 3 and ahalf years ago? thanks again for your advice atb simon

Women stop contact for several reasons, the most common are financial or if there is another man on the scene...might this be the case?

Have you had unsupervised contact with your daughter since this happened? It sounds to me that you have, and therefore I would say that this sets a precedent and you should expect this to continue.

I think because of the history you need to be careful, as EnyaM says, Mediation can be done with you both in separate rooms (shuttled Mediation). I would advise you to tell the Mediator about the past events so that they can make the appropriate arrangements and offer your ex reassurances that Mediation can be accomplished without contact...I get the feeling that would suit you too!

If you come to an agreement at mediation you can use the court hearing to have the it written into a Consent Order which is legally binding. Perhaps yopi could ask for an attachment for enforcement of the Order too....EnyaM will know more about that!

When you were having contact with your daughter recently, how did you pick her up and drop her off? Was it through a third party?

If agreement cant be reached at Mediation then I would imagine that CAFCASS will be asked to compile a report for the court due to the history between the two of you. There is no second guessing what a judge might decide and its better to go into court with no preconceptions. If your ex makes allegations against you, whether they are true or not the judge is likely to act accordingly and this might result in supervised contact.

I think I would say dont give up on contact before court, keep trying for it...Having a court order doesnt necessarily mean that your ex will stick to it, there are quite a few Dads here that will tell you that! Your daughter needs to have you in her life....you are her stability! When relationships break down the split can often be acrimonious but this shouldnt be visited on the children....you took your anger out on your ex's car, for which you paid a heavy price....it happened a long time ago and you have had regular contact with your child since.

I strongly suspect that she will use the incident against you, making allegations of violence unfortunately which is why I think she will want supervised contact.

What about family members also could they supervise contact? If so that will be handy because if she asks for that in Court, or mediation, you could put them forward. I would also put forward a family member to collect and return the child. Just thoughts for you to think about.

Once you do get a Court Order, if she does not stick to it you have to make an Application to the Court for Enforcement of the Order.

hi nannyjane thanks for your advice the reason she's cut contact is so she can get full child support payments i have no problem paying for my daughter but theres no need to cut contact to next to nothing for a few extra pounds. i have had regular unsupervised contact with my daughter so i would want this to continue, when i was having contact with my daughter i was picking her up from her mothers by pulling up outside her house and piping the horn my daughter is now 10 years old and just runs out to me waiting in the car then when i drop her off i pull up outside her house and watch her to make sure she gets in the house before driving off this is how its been for quite some time now. i know that a court order dosent mean that my x will stick to it but is there nothing that i could get put on an order that would make it so that there was concequensions for her not sticking to the order. thanks again for your help nannyjane its really helping all the best simon.

... If he has had unsupervised contact with his daughter since the incident, I dont see how she can cite this as a valid reason for contact to be supervised. surely after three and a half years of unsupervised access this sets a precedent? Also if he has not even talked to the mother since the incident she can hardly allege violence, there would have to be contact for that to happen! I guess she could lie though, that has been known!

It is a good idea to plan for all eventualities though and having the support of family members is a good call. 🙂

Hi Simon...oops that last post was in response to EnyaM .....did you have your daughter overnight? I'm assuming you did as you mention the child support being reduced. I think you have a good case in court to have unsupervised visits continued, but this is just my opinion.

I still think Mediation should be attempted to try and reinstate contact as you can make these points about how contact has been well established over a long period of time then, and the Mediator should point out that financial reasons are not grounds to stop contact, in fact that would be frowned upon.

Be very wary in the meantime if she contacts you and asks you to go to her house to pick up your daughter, take someone with you or alternatively just give the police a call and tell them that you are going through court over contact and have been invited to the house to get your daughter, but that you are wary of her motives because of what has happened in the past. This is pre-emptive and will prevent her from making false accusations....as you mentioned before, she has done this in the past!

If you get a contact order in place it will automatically come with a warning notice attached, which will allow you to go for enforcement should the need arise. 🙂

Yes precisely, she can lie! It goes on all the time I am sorry to say!

I know EnyaM, some women are a disgrace!

I think it is always best to be aware of all scenarios ...the worse case and the best. On a positive note, judges hear false allegations all the time and most are generally adept at seeing through them. CAFCASS would be asked to do a report if allegations are made, and as your daughter is 10 I would expect they would talk to her gently about her relationship with you and her wishes. 🙂

thank you both for the advice she will tell lies ill be very surprized if she doesnt ill just have to deal with it and prove her to be a liar which i think i can as she was done for £32,000 benefit fraud some years ago which was in all the national news papers it shows how much lies she told to try and cover her tracks. she wont contact me as she doesnt have my number as i changed it to stop nasty text message from her. i think that it might be a good idea to take someone along with me when i pick my daughter up when i get contact restarted just to be on the safe side at least i will have a wittness if she trys to make things up thanks again for both of your help all the best simon

I agree about taking someone along, and if there is any trouble at all, retreat immediately otherwise she may call the police on you.

Regarding the texts, I suggest getting a very cheap mobile phone and giving her the number so that she can contact you when necessary. When you look at it is up to you, so she isn't taking control and it keeps your main phone free to use normally. If she sends texts (nasty or otherwise) transcribe them so you can a copy (including date and time) so you have them just in case.

i contacted mediation today and they emailed me the forms so iv filled them in and sent them off they said i should have a appointment by next week they said that they will send a letter to my x for her to make an appointment but if she doesnt reply within 14 days they'll issue me with a form to take to court so ill just have to wait and see what happens