If you don't mind me asking do you drink or take drugs mate?
hi slim, I don't take drugs. I drink normally socially but not loads, mainly a few before and after the football but since this began, ive basically not drunk really as i'm aware of the effect it has on the anxiety of this situation the next day. I'm not anxious or depressed normally, its situational to this scenario.
I have since this began went out for a few drinks twice and even with a limited amount, ive felt really anxious next day. The last time was Saturday past, nothing really to excess, maybe 5 pints. I decided as of sunday that until I have this sorted and feel ok again, i'm not drinking at all. as its a catalyst to make me feel sadder during this.
You do wise mate I was exactly the same I never drank for 5 months this year it defo makes things worse, you sound really level headed and an upstanding Guy it seems the fact that you're not seeing your son is your main problem, I ended up going down a ver very dark road and all I wanted to do was kill myself, constantly thinking about my girls last thing at night first thing in the morning thats all I spoke about to family and friends I let it completely take over my life I started smoking £40 of weed a day to try and blank it out but nothing would get rid of the pain.
I took my car out 3-4 times down the motorway maxed it out at 130mph and I was wanting to crash straight into a bridge but I kept thinking about the emergency services who would have to clean me up I didn't even consider the effect it would have on my daughter I had lost it man big time I was constantly crying at work with friends I spoke with my family and nothing worked this was after not seeing my girl for 2 weeks back in jan this year, I dont know how the [censored] I've managed 9 months.
I even went on to the roofs of building where i was working and stand on the edge tempted to jump it was horrific then one day at the start of feb I went to work just smoked a massive spliff got to site and I met another engineer who took one look at me and said lets go to the cafe across the road we sat down and I broke down fell off my chair and just cried in a pile on the floor, I told him and half the cafe absolutely everything the drugs the suicide attepmts the lot.
The other engineer then gave me the biggest bollocking of my life he said look at the state of you how can you even contenplate being a dad in your state he said I would never let you anywhere near my daughter so how the [censored] do you expect to see yours he said give up the drugs today sort your [censored] out and get them stupid thoughts out your head how do you think your daughter will feel knowing that her daddy killed himself that will wreck the rest of her life.
My god it hit home I stopped smoking weed that day and have not touched a joint since i went on detox for 3 months whilst I got 20 years of smoking that [censored] came out of me I forced myself to go running and forced myself to start court proceedings that engineer saved my life I seen him 2 weeks aga and he could not believe the difference in me I will never be able to thank that man enough.
If your ex gets hold of the info that you are going to councilling ect she will use that in court I'm just anti tablets as I used to be a raver and took every drug known to man so I can't bear taking any sort of tablets now.