Hi,
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I can completely relate, as I said on your other post, I'm not really a social person, I hate big groups and would rather be at home, I work on my own, so I spend at least 8 hours a day with just my own company and I love it, to the extent that on a recoent holiday, I wanted to kill my stepson, he hadn't done anything wrong really, other than his constant chat and and singing, I love peace and quiet and just me time so being in a hotel room with my wife and stepson drove me up the wall. My only escape was being up at 6am every morning (I always wake early) and going for a walk along the beach and sitting on my own with a coffee.
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I think there are many people like you and I, but they go along with socialising as it's what people think is expected.
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You need to find what's right for you, it's easy to say that being with a group of friends is best (and yes I did say you should Lol) but if that's not who you are then it's not really going to help you, maybe for you, take your bike off in to the country side somewhere and just be alone and processing your thoughts would help you more.
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With your sister away, feel free to chat to us, there is generally someone on line
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GTTS
Hello Headspace,
I think most people suggest socializing and getting out because it serves as a distraction from ones own thoughts. I think the things you are doing, reading, cycling and people watching are healthy for you to do as each one of these is a distraction and breaks the cycle of too much thinking and becoming introspective.
A few years ago I found myself on my own, it started as a normal day, there was no warning whatsoever, my husband passed away suddenly whilst we were having a conversation one morning, instantly I was alone and suffering shock. I made enquiries of the Samaritans (available 24 hours a day, everyday) as to whether it was acceptable to 'phone them to talk as night time was the worst time for me. It was comforting to know there was someone there should I feel the need to talk and lessen the loneliness I felt particularly during the night. The fact I knew they were available to talk with was comforting in itself. Like many other people I was under the misapprehension they only concerned themselves with those who feel suicidal but that is not the case. Anyone who is distressed or needs to talk is welcome to 'phone them.
Initially when leaving the house I always left the radio on so that when I returned it didn't appear to be so empty and lifeless.
I've mentioned what worked for me at a dreadful time in my life. You will discover coping strategies that work for you and the pain and fear will lessen and lessen and one day you will notice the sun is shining.
Hi
Actually, you sound quite a bit like me - I get on very well with people at work, and in the past, my friedns have been people I work with, and generally don't have many friends of my own other than that. All my sports have been solitary sports (hang gliding, microlights, kiting) though archery was a solitary sport shared with others, and that did mean I did make some friends outside work. And I was never particulalrly good at being alone, so it has always been a bit of a conundrum. It is worth joining in groups, so cycling clubs and rambling clubs might suit you, but just do what you are cdomfortable with at the moment.
Everyone is different, and whether you're going through a difficult time or not, some of us are just more solitary than others. Personally, I need quite a lot of solo time but that can feel quite isolating sometimes when you don't feel like being alone.
You are going through a process at the minute so be kind to yourself, maybe think about what actd said - look at joining some groups that you can attend when you want to go and if you do feel like you need to talk, perhaps think about finding some counselling. I've done this a few times and it can be quite liberating to talk to someone who has no agenda & is trained to talk and listen.
Keep posting here and we will do what we can to support you if required.
Hi Motherofafather
Thank you for your reply.
I am sorry for the sudden loss you had and I can imagine that suddenly being left alone must have been devastating.
I have not contacted the Samaritans but it is something I would consider; I am fortunate in that, whilst I don't have any friends I socialise with, I am able to talk to anyone and find it really helps.
I am currently using a counsellor which I do enjoy my weekly visits to talk things out.
Thank you once again
Morning Headspace, I hope you don't mind but I have combined two of your posts together so that it is easier for everyone to keep track of your posts and reply having been able to read most of it in one thread.
It's perfectly normal to feel this way in a morning, and this will get easier as time goes by.
It really might be worth asking your GP for details of a local counselling service in addition to the medication you're taking.
Thank you Yoda
I am currently receiving counselling together with the medication. It was a quick set-up as it was through work.
No worries, honestly, be kind to yourself and take it a day at a time. It does get better but it does take time. Post away on here and we will do what we can to support you.
Hi Headspace
I've merged this new thread into your others in the Blogs category. If you keep starting a new thread for each time you want to post, members may find it difficult to answer you if you have several threads on the go. Each time anyone replies to your topic it will move it back to the top of the 'recent topics' section anyway.
It's good that you have your sisters house where you feel 'safe' - it is a very unsettling experience that you are going through and good you have the consistency of staying where you are.
Anti depressants can take a while to get into your system but you should start to see some benefits around the 4 week mark.
Go easy on yourself, it's early days yet and we all react differently to these massive life changes. Anxiety can be so debilitating and it's worth mentioning this to your GP if you feel this is getting worse. There are other medications you can take that have a physical effect while you are waiting for the anti depressants to work.
Thanks Yoda
Are you able to delete the other threads
Morning
Having separated a month ago from my wife, we have been amicable where access to my daughter has not been a problem. Whilst I have been absolutely struggling with my emotions whilst staying at my sisters, I have been alone this week as everyone has gone on holiday, so naturally I have really been anxious and unsettled.
The thing that I have noticed is that, whilst I enjoy being with my daughter and it still hurts that I don't see her every day, when I am at my sisters and I'm not seeing her for a couple f days, I feel ok about it; I get nervous when I am about to see her, probably because I'll see my wife too.
Is it that I am consciously or subconsciously protecting myself? Is it because when I go to my house that I left I feel sad?
Can anyone understand where I'm coming from?