[Solved] Advice when bio dad comes back
Hi everyone, new to this so bare with me but wanted to ask for help from people with similar situations. I am in my first 'real' long term relationship, in fact we have just passed the 1 year mark. My partner has a 2 y/o daughter who I absolutely adore and for the last year have treated like I would expect to treat my bio children in the future. Her BD has not been on the scene since birth, in fact he upped and left just before my partner found out she was pregnant and despite numerous chances he has never committed to having a part in his daughters life; he isn't even on the birth certificate. Today my girlfriend calls me to let me know she has been on the phone with the BD who want's to meet with my partner on Saturday to talk about my SD. I felt very jealous and had a knot in my stomach at the prospect of this and said to my partner that he has no reason to be in contact, he had his chance 2 years ago and blew it etc ect, yes I know i'm an idiot. After talking to my friend who has experiecne with skids he told me I was being unreasonable and at the end of the day it was a decision between my partner and the BD and no matter how much I didn't like it she is still his daughter. So I spoke to my parter and apologised for how I acted and she is meeting the BD on Saturday but has asked me to accompany her, she has told him he has another chance to make things right. My question is to all SD's out there how do you deal with this? I know the BD from working with him previously and have to see him on a daily basis at my current job where he constantly tries to get my back up. I love my SD with all my heart she is such a sweet, perfect kid and she has recently started calling me Daddy, with BD back in the picture what do I do and where do it leave me as the thought of losing her to him makes my heart break. It's not just the case of me fathering her whilst he didn't bother but how does it work when real Dad is around, what do I become then?
Any advice would be appreciated TIA
Have you talked to your partner about your fears?children are very uncomplicated and accepting, and also very resilient! She will have enough love to go around for sure.
It’s great that your partner is including you in the meeting and that will help you to understand the dynamics.
If her BD is serious about being in SDs life, then as long as he is consistent and will work with you and your partner, it can work. Your role won’t change, he will just be an addition to the family dynamic and if he steps up, it can only be a good thing for your SD.
All the best
Thank you for your honest reply, I did post this previously on another forum for Stepparents and received mostly abuse aimed towards my SO if I'm honest. It's nice to receive a reply to what I actually asked.
You’re welcome... by keeping the best interests of the child central to all decisions, you won’t go far wrong.
It’s been proven that hostility and conflict between parents can damage a child. There will probably be times when he will annoy you, but it will be little things that you can rise above. As long as SD is happy, that should be enough to keep things ticking over nicely.
As it stands you’re her Daddy and that won’t change, if it works out, she will have two Daddys, and as I said before her love for you will stay the same, that’s unconditional.
All the best