I have been separated for a year now, and met someone else. This has come about because my daughter played with another single mums daughter (neighbour 4 houses down) and they became friends.
My kids (11yr boy, 8yr boy and daughter is 6) have all met this mum and all the advice I can find is about introducing your kids to a new partner. Well in my case the kids already know her pretty well...
Over the past few months myself and this mum became friendly and one thing led to another. I have told my three children that we are friends, and they know that friends can be affectionate (hugs etc)
In order to protect the children we are trying to be discreet but it's tricky. We hang out a lot, cook the kids tea together sometimes, do activities etc.
How best can I protect my children emotionally but not make too big an issue as I want it to feel safe and natural for them.
Thoughts please?
Much appreciated! 🙂
Hi, there is useful info. Here: https://www.betterrelationships.org.au/family-parenting/blended-families/introducing-your-new-partner/
Hello,
It sounds as though you are already being sensitive to the needs of your children in this situation, and that will really help all of you as you move forwards.
I would encourage you to keep spending time on your own with your children, and ideally making sure you spend some one-to-one with each of them, as regularly as you can manage. This can be simple, easy activities (like going to the park together, baking, lego, craft, reading a story together, playing a board game etc) but ideally something led by the child, and where you give them your full attention (no phones!). Keeping this one-to-one time will ensure that you are giving each of your children the clear message that they are important to you, and, in time, it may give them the space to talk about how they are feeling (about anything - not just this situation!) - but do be led by them. It may feel tricky to juggle with the three of them, but you can be creative about finding times when one child is free and the other children are safely settled with another activity or busy with another commitment.
The article @Bill337 has shared has good advice about taking things slowly and about communicating with your ex-partner.
I hope you have some wonderful Dad-son and Dad-daughter times going forwards, and wish you all the best.
Spurgeons Parent Support Volunteer
And if I have five children, what advice will you give me?
@blazeharvey You can still do 1-1 time with your children regardless of the amount that you have. I would suggest you start with the youngest first and ensure that the older children are either doing something else together, or are able to be in a separate area for a little while. About 30 minutes with each child once a week to begin with, if that is all you could manage. 1-1 time can always be carried out as part of the bedtime routine, for example if the younger ones are in bed, then you use some time with the older ones before they go to bed. Quite often you will find that older siblings prefer to chat when its towards the end of the day and when you least expect it. 1-1 times as @caravan has said, don't need to cost money, but they do need to be free from distractions like phones.
All the best!