Hey, I heard about this forum on a podcast I listened as currently deep diving in to everything Seperation/Divorce. 3 weeks in to a separation from an 18 year relationship marriage with 2 kids! I’m completely and utterly broken with feelings worse than death and I don’t know what to do! My wife has already put a deposit on a rental house moving out on Sunday we have agreed 50/50 co- parenting but i had to move out to stop myself begging! I don’t have any friends and at 46 I’m so scared of the future and was hoping someone on here has been through the same and can provide advice and ideas on how to deal with the pain I’m constantly in!
thanks in advanced
Hello Ras76, thank you for your post. I am very sorry to hear about the challenges you are facing in your relationship, which are clearly very painful.
It is so important that you take good care of yourself at this time. You mention that you feel as though you do not have any friends. I wonder if you have any family members you can talk to? Or friends from earlier times who you could start to reconnect with? There are groups which are seeking to support people in your position. I can recommend Restored Lives, for example https://www.restoredlives.org. If you feel as though you are really not coping, please do seek help from your GP or from a local counselling service, or perhaps a local place of worship if you feel that is appropriate.
You do have your children, and it is good to hear that you have already been talking about co-parenting. I would encourage you to focus on your time with your children. I am not sure how old they are, but whatever their ages, they will absolutely benefit from continuing to have you, as Dad, involved in their lives. When you are with them, do try to make time to spend some one-to-one with each of them, doing something which they enjoy (keep it simple, it really doesn't need to be expensive), but something easy like baking together, kicking a ball around in the garden, building a model, reading a favourite story. These together-times are the foundation for continuing to keep your relationships with them strong, and for providing a space for you to understand how they are doing. This will be a challenging time for them too, so you can really help them by continuing to show and tell them how much you love them. In time, you may find the online parenting course, available through Dad.info helpful as well.
Going forwards, family mediation may be worth considering if you would like some support working through some of the key decisions around co-parenting, and to give you a safe space to work through some of the more tricky discussions you may need to have.
I am sure others on this forum will share their own thoughts, but take it one day at a time, look after yourself and each other, and don't be afraid to keep reaching out for support.
best wishes
Spurgeon's Parent Support
So the title should have been lost after Separation