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Wife is divorcing me and ruining me

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TiredDad
(@tireddad)
Active Member Registered

Hello I am a 52 year old male. My wife an I had an argument that got physical. She applied for a non mol and occupation order and got the non mol. She bought this house before we got married and she is the sole owner

We agreed I would look after the house and children in 2014. After 10 years of marriage and a horrible argument she has applied for a divorce. She exposed all my secrets that I shared with her and it is draining me. Her lies are incessant.

Her side of the family are quite wealthy and she is well known in the community. She decided to step down from her post and I think she is taking  a career break.

She wants our son to live with her week in and week out or full time with her and I see him every other weekend.

 

I have a daughter from another relationship and she has an older son and we have a son together. He lives with me as she walked out although she sees him every other weekend. 

 

Financially this is ruining me. From what I have read this is not a common situation as usually it is the woman in this predicament. I decided to apply for a financial order but what chances do I have of getting anything from her? I am filling in Form E. I suspect she has spent a great deal of her savings and her parents are supporting her. I also suspect that she might have hidden money as she had £80000 in her account in 2020 and now it has disappeared.

 

I am mentally drained and very lonely . I suspect she met someone else a few years ago. I am sure I will be able to see from her bank statements that we have to exchange whether this is the case as she will be going out , buying gifts etc. .She is lavishing gifts on our son and going on lovely UK breaks. 

 

I tried to see if I was entitled to anything using an online calculator and it said that as I have a part time job I may have to pay her a monthly sum. I feel completely empty and cannot believe I am in this situation.

 

She has made a statement to the police that I assaulted her and have abused her. I did a no comment interview and am waiting for outcome.  

 

We have our first financial hearing in June and CAO  hearing in July. This will be consolidated with the Occupation order  hearing.

 

I am a much better person than I was last year but I want this done now. Financially would I be entitled to anything? Has anyone been in this situation?

 

Should I just give her what she wants and leave with the little bit of money that I have left? I have been told that the longer this situation stays as it is the more likely the judge will not want to change it but it is affecting our son . My few friends who know say I should wait and see. I am just drained now. 

 

I really did not think one person could put another one through this madness .....

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 16/03/2022 1:08 am
Bill337
(@bill337)
Famed Member

Hi,

sorry to hear what your going through. With the property you may want to consider trying to add your name to it under home rights:

https://www.gov.uk/stay-in-home-during-separation-or-divorce

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences#:~:text=Both%20married%20partners%20have%20a,a%20separation%20or%20divorce%20settlement.

I think if you can get in touch with a property lawyer/solicitor they can advise better.

I do not have experience on the financial proceedings,  but would suggest can you check if you would be eligible for legal aid: https://www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid

again, if you could get in touch with a law firm that deals with legal aid work, they can possibly check and try get it for you. with financials and the rest of hearings, I think if you want to increase your chances of getting a reasonable outcome, then to hire a lawyer.

With the Child arrangement order, how old are the kids? I think it would be good if you could aim for an order that states children lives with both parents, and  there is equal day to day care. with a 50/50 arrangement, then both parents are responsible for child care costs while kids are in their care, so you would not be paying any child maintenance to other parent.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16/03/2022 10:39 am
Champagne
(@champagne)
Reputable Member

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.  Sadly it  takes time to go through the court process.  I wonder if she is taking a career break so she has no income and you might have to pay her maintenance?  I would imagine you are entitled to a share of the family finances as it works with ways but you do need professional advice. It also depends on what accommodation is needed for the children.   There are also some useful guides on the www.advicenow.org.uk website.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17/03/2022 9:45 am
TiredDad
(@tireddad)
Active Member Registered

Thank you for your advice @Bill337 and @Champagne. I have filled out form HR1 now. Our son is 9 years old, my daughter is 17 and her son is 34.

Today she asked me for the children's passport for finance purposes. Normally I would not have had an issue with this. My friend has told me to be careful as she may not return them. I do not have the funds to go through the solicitors to get it back. Do I have to give it to her? Our trust is completely broken. She is now saying (through her solicitor ) that I am controlling her by not complying. I am sure she can open accounts with birth certificates. My gut feeling is that she is very angry about something but I am not sure what it is yet.

As she was the higher earner she paid me a monthly allowance. This stopped last year and as she does not work she pays me nothing. I work locally a few hours a week however, I earn only £400.00 per month. If they need extra cover they do ask me. I presently am unable to rent and definitely cannot get a mortgage.

I did enquire about legal aid however, with the non mol in place I am not eligible and I presently have over £16000 in savings . This is rapidly going  down though . 

 

I have realised that she has wanted us to divorce for quite a few years now and am devastated by this. 

 

I am so stressed by this I doing not feel I am functioning properly as a father. I am so worried about my son.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 18/03/2022 6:21 pm
Bill337
(@bill337)
Famed Member

@tireddad hi, as far as I am aware your under no obligation to hand over passports or any other document, unless it is court ordered. Your ex's lawyer may use lot of legal jargon and give you the impression that you must do as they say.  Don't let them bully you.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18/03/2022 6:26 pm
Daddyup
(@Daddyup)
Prominent Member Registered

Hi

As there is a non mol, it is common for reference to controlling behaviour after this. You do need to be careful as too many examples and she may have grounds to say you are controlling. 

You are under no obligation to handover passports but instead of just saying no and letting them assume controlling behaviour, you could put forward a reasonable explanation or response, eg asking her for a clear reason why the are required, if finances then explain birth certs should be sufficient but if not for her to provide written confirmination from financial institution etc. That way you are not refusing but requesting clarity. 

An alternative could you swap so if she holds birth certs to give them to you and you hand over passports, as clearly both are not required for finances. The main principle being to not come across controlling, there is a lot in the press re post seperation controlling behaviour and how family courts are used to continue abuse which solicitors are now starting to allege etc. 

 

Hope this helps, all the best. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19/03/2022 11:27 am
Crazyscotsman
(@crazyscotsman)
Active Member Registered

Hi tireddad, PM me if u are able to 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19/03/2022 12:05 pm
TiredDad
(@tireddad)
Active Member Registered

@Daddyup I think you are spot on there  as she sent the email via her solicitor calling me controlling. I responded quite nicely and said the birth certificate should suffice. She has just bought our son a brand new Ipad has she set up all the controls. She has locations before and I realised she could track our movements so I turned it off I asked if we could have it but initially she refused . I did not mention the controlling however....our son has just come home and the controls are still on. HOWEVER he knew the password and we have turned off screen time .She wrote quite a curt email back referring to the fact that she could not access the passport for HER SON. Not our son. I think her facade is cracking. That email will be going to my solicitor and I will be asking for special measures in court for our hearing because I find that quite threatening. She is very angry that she has not succeeded in removing me or seeing our son more. And we are having our first financial hearing very soon and it is not ideal that is is not living here yet.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 19/03/2022 8:33 pm
TiredDad
(@tireddad)
Active Member Registered

@crazyscotman I cannot message you yet.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 19/03/2022 8:35 pm
TiredDad
(@tireddad)
Active Member Registered

I also rang the bank and they will accept birth certificates. Not everyone has a passport. She is obsessed with parental responsibility. and the fact she gets  it automatically.  However right now I am the primary carer but I did not say this as all the emails will be screened by the solicitor I am sure . I do think she has ulterior motives. 

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 19/03/2022 8:40 pm
TiredDad
(@tireddad)
Active Member Registered

Hello again, I would appreciate your views on this . We have our FDR hearing in May. However this is before our second FLA hearing.Does that make sense or should I write to the court to get it vacated?  How can they assess our needs if we are still trying to sort out where our son will live? Or do they assess just on the present situation?

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 27/03/2022 9:40 pm
actd
 actd
(@actd)
Illustrious Member

 Just bringing this back to the top - anyone to help here?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29/03/2022 8:13 pm
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