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Wife is divorcing me and ruining me

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Bill337
(@bill337)
Famed Member

@tireddad there is some useful information here. hope it helps:

 

http://www.familycourtinfo.org.uk/i-need/what-will-happen-at-the-hearing/

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Posted : 29/03/2022 10:35 pm
TiredDad
(@tireddad)
Active Member Registered

Hello all. So the non mol expired. We had our hearing and agreed that our son would stay with her from Friday to Weds morning every other week.  Unfortunately  she reported me for breach of the non mol and I had to go to court. I pleaded not guilty. I wish to write to court to try and persuade them that it is not in the public interest to take this any further however,  I am representing myself. Does anyone know where I could get advice on the best wording for this letter? 

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Topic starter Posted : 26/08/2022 10:49 pm
Champagne
(@champagne)
Reputable Member

Are you saying that you breached the non mol before it expired?  Did you breach the non mol?  If you have been charged and pleaded not guilty then there will be a trial.  That will be several months away.  I haven't heard of anyone being able to get the case dropped once its in the system.  You should have been able to see the duty solicitor at the first hearing who would have advised you.  There is a discount for pleading guilty at the first possible opportunity.  If the case goes to trial the court fees will be considerably higher and the discount for a guilty plea on the day of the hearing is 10% instead of one third.  If you breached the non mol shortly before it expired then the penalty is less than it would have been if you breached it at the beginning.  

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Posted : 26/08/2022 11:08 pm
Daddyup
(@Daddyup)
Prominent Member Registered

@tireddad in my view I don't believe you will succeed  in saying its not in the public interest to prosecute. Considering the current climate re domestic violence and violence against women and girls (VAWG) the CPS see it as it actually is in the public interest to prosecute. If you are thinking because you have a child, then this is something that will be considered as part of any sentencing hearing as a mitigating factor. (I had a non mol against me and now have a Restraining Order).. The fact you have gone to court to plead means that there will be a trial. 

In what way is she alleging you breached it? 

Is there any reason you are self representing? I would suggest seeing a solicitor or barrister even if just a one off session for some advice. For around £750 to £1250 you can get a barrister to review things and give you some advice. Or you can use the free 30 mins to have a chat with a solicitor (although the free session may not be as useful). 

If you are found guilty, then the sentence can be quite serious, do you have any previous convictions? You may also have to do a domestic violence course (BBR) and you may get a Restraining Order preventing you from contacting ex, then your ex, if she so wishes to prevent contact, will be able to say you are a dangerous individual (which in the eyes of the family court you are as you have a conviction) and shouldn't be able to see child until you have completed any rehabilitation courses and the family courts more than likely will agree with this as it's also what Cafcass will say too. Any Restraining Order will make child contact difficult too as it will slow things down to be arranged, and your ex will not be required to facilitate contact by the family courts and you will need to look at alternative options such as contact centres and third parties such as friends and family. 

Did you breach it? Will any conviction impact upon employment? What is your plan for trial? These are all things to consider and plan for.

My intention isn't to sound doom and gloom but to share some of what I was advised when being issued with non mol and Restraining Order. 

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Posted : 27/08/2022 7:30 am
Daddyup
(@Daddyup)
Prominent Member Registered

Also, what happened to the earlier allegations of assault? (have you only been charged for breach of non mol or do you have multiple charges?) 

In addition, if your savings have been used up or dwindled then you will be entitled to legal aid for the criminal court side of things (breach of non mol etc) as I noticed earlier in this thread you mentioned you can't get it for family court. 

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Posted : 27/08/2022 7:52 am
TiredDad
(@tireddad)
Active Member Registered

Hello, so I am not entitled to legal aid due to having assets over £16,000. However I do not have any accessible cash/savings anymore. I am due to receive £1500 shortly. My concern is that if I use it for the criminal lawyer how do I pay my family lawyer?

 

The breach was that I left a voice message on her mobile about 3 months after the Order was issued which she claims intimidated her and left her feeling vulnerable. I can prove why I left the message and it was relating to childcare. I did not have any bad intentions at all. Nevertheless now I can understand that it was wrong. I do believe both her allegations were made to support her application for full live-in care of our son. We now have shared custody of our son and are adhering to our agreed arrangement. He stays with me for 10 days and the rest with her.

 

I do not think CAFCASS are involved with this.

 

She has told me that the police are no longer pursuing the assault charges. They have not told me or my solicitor this. 

 

The criminal solicitor is £400 per hour and I simply cannot afford both the family solicitor and the criminal solicitor. My hearing has been set for December.

 

I understand my wife has written a statement of withdrawal. 

 

I have asked her to consider mediation for sort out the finances rather than go to final hearing. She has asked me what I am looking for from her? I have no idea what to say......

 

Although my employers would try and support me there is a chance I could lose my job.

 

I just feel so unsure and scared of the future financially......

 

 

 

 

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Topic starter Posted : 02/09/2022 12:04 am
Champagne
(@champagne)
Reputable Member

When you were prosecuted for the breach and went to court, you should have been offered assistance (free) from the duty solicitor.  You could try contacting the court and say that you wish to plead guilty so avoiding a trial.  If you plead guilty on the day of the trial the costs are high.  You also need to find out if your ex has written a statement of withdrawal.  You also mention an assault which is serious.  For the finances, there is a guide on the advicenow.org.uk website which could you an idea of what to expect.

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Posted : 02/09/2022 10:57 am
TiredDad
(@tireddad)
Active Member Registered

My wife has written a statement of withdrawal. I don't know what she has stated though. My case will be heard in the Magistrate Court.

The police are doing NFA for the assault.

For the finances she has also suddenly messaged me about mediators. I still do not have her full financial position though and have told her this.

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Topic starter Posted : 06/09/2022 3:53 am
TiredDad
(@tireddad)
Active Member Registered

My wife has written a statement of withdrawal. I don't know what she has stated though. My case will be heard in the Magistrate Court.

The police are doing NFA for the assault.

For the finances she has also suddenly messaged me about mediators. I still do not have her full financial position though and have told her this.

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Topic starter Posted : 06/09/2022 3:54 am
Champagne
(@champagne)
Reputable Member

If you wife has written a statement of withdrawal there is a possibility that the case will be dropped.  I suggest you contact the officer in charge of the case to find out what is happening.  If you don't know who it is, then call 101.  If possible avoid the case going to trial as costs will be high.

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Posted : 06/09/2022 4:45 pm
TiredDad
(@tireddad)
Active Member Registered

This is my update. She only wants to share her pension from the time we were married. Is that correct?

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Topic starter Posted : 16/09/2022 8:13 pm
Champagne
(@champagne)
Reputable Member

Finances are complicated.  You should both be doing a financial disclosure and hopefully your solicitor will advise.

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Posted : 17/09/2022 12:08 pm
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