Morning all
I am going to start by asking a question. How can I raise the issue of court proceedings and the involvement of a Cafcass Officer with my two boys? They are 13 and 9 and I am having to launch court proceedings against my ex wife after she threatened to restrict access to my boys after my new job saw me lose flexitime. The loss of flexitime and the demands and location of my new jobs sees me unable to pick the boys up from school on the Friday that I have them for the weekend.
Sadly this is part of a long line of blackmail that my ex uses to get her own way and she has increasingly used the boys effectively as weapons to get what she wants. I have therefore been pushed to a point where I now have to file for residency as I do not believe her actions are in the best interest of the boys.
Sadly my ex is a proven liar. This is my problem. I have been told that the Cafcass Officer will want to speak to the boys and effectively ask them with whom they would like to live. I find this appalling and akin to the Wisdom of King Solomon - what sort of parent would want to put that sort of decision on a child? I know that the boys will be torn and will feel considerable guilt. I also know that my wife lets them get away with a lot, they stay up late, don't do the homework that they are meant to do, they watch far too much TV etc etc. Yes, this difference in parenting is a huge issue but which child would prefer to be with a parent who is more focussed on providing a balanced diet, balanced school work and play time and early bed times?! When they are adults I know that they would agree with me as likely you do too but I am on a high road to nowhere.
My solicitor has told me that I should prepare the boys for the involvement of the Cafcass Officer but I have no idea how to broach this at all? Do you have any ideas? I can't ask my boys to choose where they live. I am effectively asking them to choose between their mother and me. That is so cruel.
Unfortunately though I have to go to court to prove to the boys, i the years to come, that I did not accept what was happening and I did fight for their general well being, their freedom and my rights as a loving, caring parent.
Your advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you.
mmm...tough one!
The current wisdom would be to not involve your children or let them know of court proceedings but I guess as your solicitor has mentioned it then maybe you should. Id be interested to hear what others say.
If you are going to have this conversation with them then I would explain that you and theyre Mum cannot agree and that you now have to ask a judge what they think. Sell it as gently as possible.
Then explain that you are looking out for theyre best interests and maybe put to them what your plans are and seek theyre agreement or ammend depending on what they say.
I am wondering if it is a good idea to involve them though........I am unsure.
Dave
Hi Dave
Thank you for your thoughts. We are of the same confused mindset I think. I understand why Cafcass Officers are there but it does seem to be a huge burden of responsibility to place on children. This is why I feel like we are being forced into a similar position that was presented to King Solomon when we suggested cutting the baby in two and identifying that the true mother of the child would relinquish the child to spare it's life.
I don't want the boys to feel any of the stress of the situation but in the long run, I sincerely believe that their best interest would be served if they resided with me. Whatever I do, the three of us lose something. I have to fight though, I have to show them that I did try.
The legal system is wrong in my view on this occasion.
Thanks again
Adam
This is really tricky.
At what point are you in court proceedings?
I guess I would not mention anything until an s7 is requested where they will be involved and have to see a cafcass officer.
I hope it doesn't come to this point and you can resolve it before then.
Cafcass produce leaflets for kids and maybe looking at these together could help??
I'm not sure if they are online? Yes - https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/children.aspx
Have a look by yourself first 🙂
MH
OK, first I'd recommend you don't mention anything until you know for certain that cafcass are going to meet the boys. If it does look likely, then the way to approach it, IMO, is that they are going to have a chat with your boys just to find out how they feel - you don't need to go into more detail than that, because, basically, that;s what cafcass will do. It's not an interview - they are trained at this sort of thing, and they will put the boys at ease and just chat to them, and get them to do activities if they think that's the best way to go.
Thank you for your replies and suggestions therein. I did actually speak to my boys over the weekend and positioned the Cafcass intervention as merely someone who would want to speak to the boys to find out their thoughts and feelings, just a chat. Both were happy with this. And so the process starts. I appreciate my chances of being successful in my bid are slim but I have to try. I owe it to my boys.