Thanks for the advice, all through out, even by my solicitors, I have been told to accept the blame when its not your fault, Right now I cant accept it and will be appealing it. I've taken your advice on if I appeal it will take longer, but I've seen/heard many other fathers who have accepted it and only ended up in court again even after the final hearing. so I cant see how this will be any different.
As for the ex and court, I'm now afraid of her, the lies she can get away with and how the court is accepting it. For me to have a parenting, trusting relationship with her is impossible, despite all the advice provided here. She can get away with lying and the courts has already accepted her story.
I will need to make this clear to CAFCASS that I cant trust having a parenting relationship with her as she has completely screwed me and the kids over and has proven to get away with it.
Has this approached been taken by anyone? showing you are afraid of the EX and how the NMO order can now make you afraid of further false allegations going next to her? how is a father suppose to do future handover when ex and court have will be behind her false allegations... and has been proven with many other fathers.
I'm now approaching this case as if I've already lost the freedom to do anything with our children. My mind frame is now on trying to understand how screwed up the system is, because even after the final court hearing when lets say an order has been made for regular contact. I know for sure I'm going to get screwed over again. Please tell me and other fathers that it is all sailing after the last hearing???
Hi, the part where you mention you can't trust having a parenting relationship with her, that will go down very negatively with Cafcass. They would want you to be positive and willing to co-parent with her, for the best interests of the children. It is better to try and be positive and child-focused, otherwise you put yourself at risk of them giving you an order that's very restrictive with how much time you spend with children.
Mentally is this good when knowing full well further false allegations can be made?
If your telling them you can't trust the ex with regards to handovers and further false allegations being brought up wouldn't cafcass have something in place for the kids to have a stable contact with their father. Without the mother breaking it knowing full well she won't be mentally punished...?
I'm hearing many stories here even from those who have followed the advice, that the final order is till getting broken. What's the answer for that?
hi, There is no answer. You do still get many cases where after final hearing contact is stopped and you have to follow the process again.
Normally however mums dont realise , but everytime they dont comply especially after your non mol has finished you will keep getting a little bit extra here and there to compensate in the long run. Your children are very young so any contact is going to be phased.
The court have served a non molestation on you, but its not the end of the world. You can take your boy football end of march, children are young so contact wouldnt be much at moment due to their age. Dont bad mouth your ex to cafcass think of solutions how to avoid false allegations . It might be that your ex if you are not making any allegations or running her down that she may back off a bit as well.
As for contact a school is a very useful handover point for midweek contact and for weekend contact . if schools are closed perhaps a supermarket.
You appeal the decision and raise more issues there is a real risk of it going down the road of you having no contact , a dvpp course been forced on you. Cafcass and courts dont conflict , its much better if u let her raise her issues and calmly dismiss them over and over again . It makes u look the better parent and they will have no reason to make your life harder than it really is.
You are right as dads are taking ex partners to court and they will get away with false allegations and breaching . What hurts them the most is giving a dad contact until one day they accept child wants both parents and doesnt want to see conflict.
So hopefully when u speak to cafcass draw a line under whats happened dont appeal and put it all down to frustration and that she resented you for getting a new partner . At the time u were seeing babies whenever u wanted daily etc and calls , however u now realise she stopped this and you found it hard to suddenly going from daily contact to a lot less and things become hostile . U got frustrated and didnt know what to do and felt she was using children to hurt you.
You accept now children need a routine and stability and that it is in best interests of children that you dont have to be friends , but are able to put your differences aside and co-parent and children are able to have a loving relationship with both parents.
Hopefully if your ex gets to hear about the above she will try to co-parent as well. she dont seem the worst ex partner . I say this because she is already offering u to take boy to football and this will be something hopefully that goes ahead and can be mentioned to cafcass.
There is no right answer. The advice given here is based on everyone's own experiences and knowledge.
Your end objective is to have a good contact schedule with your children. You need to remove emotions and strategically plan the best route for you to achieve your end objective.
Yes you can fight the NMO, are you likely to be successful if without any further critical evidence you just replay the same hearing again? Potentially unlikely, however you will have further delays and increase the chances of a DV course.
If you don't fight it and instead focus on seeing the kids and building up contact then achieving a phased contact plan is a possible outcome. Remember your ex is allowing you to take son to football, eventually he will want more contact as long as you remain child focused.
Only you can decide on the next course of action, however, take a step back and think clearly without the emotions, anger, bitterness before you decide.
Please see the Section 7 Report carried out by CAFCASS.
Playing warzone and halo with my son is false
Pushing the mother is false
dog attacking the child false
Harrasing the mother with phone calls false
Anyone able to provide some advise on how to response to the blackmail report?
looks like a very harsh report. before you went to court, were you seeing your children? I would suggest you argue your case, to have just 1 telephone call with your child a month is not in the child's best interest and you would want this to progress to in-person/unsupervised contact. Judging by the report, for any normal contact to happen, then you would be expected to follow the cafcass recommendation to accept past abusive behaviour and be willing to address it, take some kind of parenting course. etc. Have you been self-representing?
I have been self representing
I had face to face contact up until November when mother stopped all contact.
Then in March her solicitor emailed me to say they would like to resume face to face contact.
I have taken parenting course when this all kicked off in the hope to allow me access to my 3d child, guesss what that didnt happen.
I will not accept this type of blackmail especially i know im not a violent person and previous course i did did not allow me access.
what happens when you dont agree with it what does the judge do? how long does the case get post poned for before final order is met?
has anyone here stood their ground and not accept the blackmail.
Hi
I think quite a few of us have advised you already in order to avoid an outcome significantly restricting contact.
As Bill says, the report is harsh and significantly reduces your contact with the kids. However, whilst I did initially type up a more direct response to you, can I suggest that you re read this thread with a reflecting mindset so that it may give you pointers on potential next steps.
I also feel that at the very least you need to amend your posts to remove any identifying aspects as these are family court documents which clearly have your name and at one point your child's name in the post.
Failing that maybe a moderator could do this in keeping with the spirit and principle of how the forum generally operates and redact as appropriate?
I'm sure we are all happy to advise further, do you have any future dates scheduled to be back at court?
Unless you accept the family court findings and do a DAPP course you are basically in a very bad situation. Unless you change your approach its going to be ordered 99 % 1 call a month. Your ex can then quickly influence professionals and get that down to indirect contact . I would be doing my best to get on dapp court at your next family court hearing and trying to work slowly to getting face to face contact back with your children.
I have no intention of being blackmailed into doing a DAPP course. I will fight my corner and appeal the case for the NMO. Its disgusting how they are delaying the contact, this can all be resolved with simple face to face contact with our child which the Mother had removed and cannot allow other fathers to be going through the same **** ive been through.
Have flagged this up with Moderator to remove it and will add it again with the names removed.
The best approach is trying to understand how the process (courts etc) works and navigate it to your advantage. You have to clearly decide what it is you want to achieve. The way I see it you can attempt to achieve the following outcomes:
1 - clear your name and get unsupervised access to your kids
2 - accept the allegations and build up contact with with your kids slowly to eventually get to unsupervised access once you complete DAPP course
3 - fail to clear your name but then accept the allegations and build up contact with with your kids slowly to eventually get to unsupervised access once you complete DAPP course
4 - fail to clear your name, deny the allegations and accept/reject minimal indirect contact with your kids, potentially not seeing them until either your ex changes her mind or your kids are old enough to decide for themselves and come and find you if your ex hasn't alienated them etc.
All have varying risks and timescales, you asked what happens if you stand your ground and not accept things, these are your options. Potentially option 2 is quicker than 1 due to current court delays and timescales but you will need to give consideration. If you lose at court then this reduces your options further and increases your exes hand to make things even more difficult for you. You are then left with options 3 and 4 which will take significantly longer.
We are all here to help and therefore do not think I or any of the others just want you to accept things but we all look at things in a practical manner. Sometimes it comes down to can you compromise on your principles to put the needs of the children first. Is clearing your name more important than the children seeing you if you cannot achieve both? As Warwickshire says you can still look at option 2 and strategically take an approach to concede and possibly avoid losing the contact in the way that is suggested.
With the report as it is, you could be looking at at least 12 to 18 months before you get any supervised contact with your kids as there are delays to run the course etc due to COVID plus sorting out contact centres and then reports on your supervised visits etc.
You mentioned certain aspects are false, some of the more obvious questions that arise are why and how did child mention war zone and halo? Why would children say dog attacked? I don't think the court will believe your ex coached them on these points as they are too random.
Lastly, as always, ensure you do not breach non mol. If you do and are prosecuted, you could end up going to prison and/or a criminal record which will create a 5th option which is to wait for any sentence to complete and then rehabilitation (probation supervision) and then similar to option 4 so longer than 12 to 18 months.
I hope my comments help to guide in some way. I've spent a lot of time with my solicitor discussing matters and these options and there really is no other way.
All the best.