Happy Birthday Greyling mate stick in there I can PROMISE you guys it will all come good in the end 🙂
Happy birthday G. I was the same, no birthday card, no fathers day card. It destroyed me. ive proved my point that nothing helps get my mind off this tonight. went out with my mates, a good group of us to a sportsmans dinner, guest speakers, meal etc. everything was fine, a few jokes, for a few fleeting seconds I forgot the situation periodically, not for long but a few brief interludes of normality. The night still has a few hours to go but im at home in bed, the only place I feel safe, it brings a solace that relaxes me to a certain extent.
After my second pint I went on such a downer, I went from chatting away to not saying anything for ages, eventually got my coat and walked the 30 mins home. My pals didn't have to ask what was up they knew and off I went. The ups and downs destroy me they really do.
I work for a very big company and have a decent reputation. I have grown from boy to man during my 20 years with them, a lot of folk have seen me go from young lad without a care in the world to dad and work my [censored] off for my family. Financially and emotionally im phucked, I really am. This week at work, my brilliant bosses arranged a counsellor for me that will happen in the next week or two.
I hope it works, I really do. At least its the weekend and the crushing feeling of needing to get up at 7am when every bone in your body wants to stay in bed courtesy of that crippling symptom of this depression that makes getting out of bed feel like running the 26th mile of a marathon, wont be there tomorrow.
I see my boy on sunday for a few paltry hours then my Monday low will return which im dreading already. I will never walk away but I get completely why some men do, I really do.
What stage are you at with the courts mate?
Thanks for birthday wishes,went to pub just had a few, got to semi final of domino handicap, won a fiver, how old is that, actually enjoyed it, all old folks but they don't judge you. Its when you come back to empty house, that's hard bit, nothing you can do about it, like you can change other things in your life to try to cope, but its still an empty house, you go to bed then don't sleep because your head is full of [censored], I would just like, not greedy just one good nights sleep. Now for the next 6 days going to prepare for court, going to make sure that when I go in there I will have done everything I can to make sure I get to see my bairn again, its strange and feels wrong to say it, but I actually have enjoyed preparing my case, with the help on here I know I will be more prepared than her solicitor ever will be, to him its just his job, to me i'm fighting for my family.
Same here I have really enjoyed it I think I'm a better more rounded person for it, Since the review hearing last week I have finally managed to get 6 nights of decent sleep it's been amazing now I know theres a final hearing been set I seem more at peach and can relax a little more, it was such a mission doing my parenting course and getting the drug test done and because the hearing went so well I seem to be able to chill a little more.
I've not left my house since wednesday all I've done is sleep eat and relax it's been amazing I did have plans to go and see the family but I can't be arsed to drive that far I also had that minging sickness bug for 5 days last week too so just recovering from that.
It's still doing my nut I can't see my Girl but I know it is going to be sorted soon and I will finally get granted PR and a contact order although I know for a fact the ex is going to break that order straight away at least it will be her on the back foot and I don't have to jump through any more [censored] hoops to prove to the courts that I'm a decent dad.
I've also realised that the courts is just a process and in the end I will be part of my girls life in a substantial way there's just a set amount of tick boxes you have to tick to get there it's just the unknown that gets you so worked up all the time, it's just a matter of time having the patience and the [censored] to get through it all.
I've also realised that the courts is just a process and in the end I will be part of my girls life in a substantial way there's just a set amount of tick boxes you have to tick to get there it's just the unknown that gets you so worked up all the time, it's just a matter of time having the patience and the [censored] to get through it all.
I think that's pretty much spot on.
Hi BD,
I feel your pain. This process and the time away from my son is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. My life feels so empty.
I think finding things to do is key. Possibly some kind of activity holiday as actd suggests - I am thinking of a safari or going tornado chasing. Something that keeps me occupied so I don't spend time alone with my thoughts.
Possibly get involved in a charity? For me being involved in scouting (I did this before the split) has helped me feel I am a better person, given me things to do and made me new friends. Helping others might give you that lift I feel you need.
Its difficult fighting against an ex that doesn't want you to be part of your kids life. Keep telling yourself you are doing the right thing and your kids life will be better with you being in it.
As said before hang in there and things will get better.
Best wishes. MH
Evening guys and gals. I suspect this post is for those of you who have been dealing with restricted contact for at least over a year as I assume those of us contending with this problem still in its infancy probably are all aboard the emotional roller coaster to some extent.
I am now 6 months in, have come quite a long way, having gone from contact being resisted by my ex to fortnightly overnight stays. I am 6 months in but find my gaps in between seeing my son utterly crushing, especially more so now given that my son is making it clear he wants to stay longer and there is actually proof from her reps who have conceded that my son is enjoying his time with me.
The distance involved means that seeing him during the week is impossible sadly. I find that most days, even at work, my work is a secondary consideration to this nightmare and I can often find myself in a meeting or doing other work, paying attention of sorts and getting it done but its like ive developed a capacity to think about two things at once if that makes sense. I have done all the right things, I have exercised to get the endorphins flowing, played football, got out and about with friends, went to see my family yet nothing seems to take my mind off it and the accompanying sad feeling. I have been to the dr and am on anti depressants.
on playing football recently, a considerable time into it, by which stage the blood would have been pumping to induce the endorphins for some time in theory, I took a shot at goal and even at that precise second I was thinking about my son as I went towards the goal.
I find myself crying alone still quite a lot at times. I don't drink loads and thought If I watched at weekends what I drink if I go out and not have to much, it wouldn't have the typical post alcohol depressive effect it can do if you go on a binge but even with like 4 drinks over 6 hours, I found myself in tears all day yesterday. I have cancelled an upcoming night out next Friday as I have to just drink nothing as even moderate responsible consumption affects my mood the day after. The night out in question, everyone else will be drunk after a few hours so going and drinking juice id probably have enough of them irritating me and go home early to the point that id not be out long enough to keep my mind off things as id be home to early to have occupied the night if you see what I mean.
Anyhow, I'm rabbiting on, obviously I will always be sad to some degree when these gaps happen between seeing each other and the sadness will lessen once he is old enough to be independent and we can arrange stuff together without anyone else needing to comply but in the meantime, how long have others got to the 'acceptance' stage and been able to 'move on'? I guess I have tried to convince myself I am at the acceptance stage instead of the grief part and in honesty I think I fluctuate between the two but would love to know others experience and how long it has taken them to achieve acceptance and be sad but not let it dominate their life as I am doing at present.
People differ I understand, would be just nice to get a feeling for the potential difference in the spectrum that others have had to journey through to come out the other side.
Struggling today myself, completely understand where your coming from !
My boy lives in London, and me in Liverpool, and I only see him every three weeks, the [censored] doesn't answer my texts and leaves everything last minute ..
Started being a miserable get around the house now.. feel so sorry for my wife !
Started being a miserable get around the house now.. feel so sorry for my wife !
In which case, take your wife out for a night out - it will do you both good.