I have an upcoming Family Court hearing to get contact with my 2 and a half year old son and am after advice about a particular part of that.
She and I split up (we were not married) when she was 3 months pregnant due to her feeling I could not be emotionally or financially supportive enough. It was a very acrimonious split and I was told nothing about her pregnancy until a few days after the birth. I was not named on the birth certificate and did not see my son until he was 3 months old. Since then I have seen him once a month (I live 130 miles away) for periods of 3 to 4 months in between bouts of arguments/disagreements lasting about the same amount of time.
I was with her for 5 years and although she is a victim of domestic abuse/violence from many years ago I have never been violent or threatening to her.
The advice I'm looking for today is based on the last time I saw my son. She has 2 older daughters who were in the next room, they could see and hear us talking. It became heated between us and after her constant interruptions I lost my temper and shouted "For f's sake will you let me fing speak" (which the children witnessed) to which she ordered me to leave immediately and I did.
I was wrong to raise my voice and swear at her in her own home and in front of the children.
Put in context it was the first time in the 7 years we'd known each other that I'd ever shouted and sworn at her.
A few days later I had a text from her saying how I'd left a trail of fear behind me and would not be welcome in her home until they felt safe again. It's possible her daughters felt that way but my son certainly didn't, as she was hurrying me out he asked her where I was going. I only communicate with her through WhatsApp and since then she has not replied to (but has read) any of my subsequent message asking how the kids are and neither has she blocked me on there.
My question is this: taking it as read that she won't lie by suggesting I was violent/threatening (for all the ill-feeling between us I do not believe she would genuinely do that, plus her sister is a police officer), could that incident be brought up in the court hearing and used against me to reduce/restrict the contact with my son? Her daughters are 10 and 15, I would find it highly improbable that she'd try to coach them in any way if CAFCASS spoke to them and they wouldn't lie but I think naturally they'd lean towards her 'side'.
It's certainly something I think she could mention, so you certainly need to be prepared for. It depends on how much she is prepared to exagerate the situation.
I agree with actd...her text seems a tad melodramatic, so I would certainly expect some flack from her, whether it will effect your case as far as restricting/reducing contact, it would be unusual for it to, unless as acted says, she exaggerates it.
The court may ask you both to attend a separated parents information programme and if you wanted to be pro active you could suggest this as a way to improve the recently frayed realationship between you both.
Best of luck
Cheers guys.
I'm still in contact with a few of her friends on the quiet and they've all mentioned she's since moved on to someone new and does not want me to have any involvement with her or the kids again after that day being the final straw.
In terms of her possibly exaggerating, she's very good at conveying opinions in certain ways but I very much doubt she would lie if for no reason other than the possible repercussions of doing so.
Anyway reluctantly the court papers and payment have been sent off, I'm holding tight for what she will make a bumpy ride....
I'm sure you will begin to feel better about it, it's about taking back some control of your situation.
I would suggest that you put together a brief position statement, just a couple of A4 pages, giving some background, the issues you have and what you would like to happen. You can take it with you to the first hearing and hand it in when you get there. Make sure you have a couple of extra copies for the other party, CAFCASS and a copy for your records too.
Best of luck