Hi,
My first post. It's going to be a bit of a long one. But I was hoping to get some advice from those who have had similar experiences.
• separated June 16 (was seeing my child and two step children regularly until August 16). Contact was stopped due to my reluctance to get back together.
• Mediation seeked immediately and deemed unsuitable based off information my ex provided to mediator.
• Solicitor arranged court hearing October 16. My ex failed to turn up. Hearing was adjourned.
• second attempt of hearing on December 16. Court issued a fact finding hearing set for January 17 due to allegations of domestic abuse from my ex.
• January 17 - fact finding hearing found that there was no truth to claims of domestic abuse and ordered a section 7 and a hearing in march 17. I was given temporary supervised access to my own child until next hearing in march (access to be direct by cafcass)
• Spoke to cafcass who told me that there was no need for contact at this point. I tried to plead with them stating that it was a requirement of the section 7 report. Cafcass insisted this was "as directed" and not a requirement of the report despite the courts and my solicitor telling me I would have supervised contact before next court date in march 17.
• attended court recently and the section 7 report recommended supervised contact due to my child's young age and the amount of time I haven't seen him (approx 8 months)
I feel really let down by the system, the courts, my solicitor and cafcass. I can understand only being given supervised access due to the length of time I haven't seen my child. But the only reason this lengthy of time has occurred is due to the system and my ex wanting to alienate me from the child's life by telling lies (fact finding hearing confirmed this), not turning up for court and stopping access to begin with. I wasn't even allowed indirect contact to send my child xmas presents and cards as my ex insisted she was harrassed. Once again, fact finding hearing proved this to be lies.
I haven't seen my son for 8 months approx. The cafcass report stated that my two step children did not want anything to do with me. Despite 7 months passing before they were interviewed and enough time for their mother to brainwash them.
My fear now is that when I attend supervised contact, either my ex won't turn up or she will purposely sabotage. My biggest fear is that he won't recognise me and that we would have lost the bond we once had.
So, I guess what I'm asking is, does anyone have any experiences from supervised contact being made after such a long time?
PS
Sorry for the long post
Hi There,
.
MAny dads have ended up in supervised contact centres, and many after long periods of not seeing thier children, they have generally reported that everything went well and the child/children respond well to them.
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It sounds as though you are really up against it, and I hope that things start getting better for you, I know having supervised contact may seem like an insult but some kind of contact is better than no contact.
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GTTS
Thanks for the reply.
I am up against it. I know some contact is better than none. But the way it's all panned out just doesn't seem fair. Not only to me, but especially my child.
I've gone from being the one who gets up at night with him, wakes in the morning and puts him to bed each night to not even seeing him. Our bond was unbreakable. He was only two when we split. He's 3 in June. Just really hope he recognises me and doesn't thing I'm a stranger. But, I guess I need to prepare for that possibility.
I'm sure your child will recognise you, others have had the same fear, but the bond between you is still there. He might be quiet at first but that will soon thaw when he realises it you. Get down to his eye level and talk to him gently, he will recognise your voice too.
All the best
Thanks for the replies.
I plan on taking all the old videos on my phone with me and him playing and the photo albums I've had created for us too. Hopefully this will help him remember. I've also got all his xmas presents that I wasn't allowed to give him last xmas.
Try not to worry your child will know who you are I never seen my baby daughter for 10 months then i was ordered supervised contact but 2 mins from seeing her it was like we had never been apart.
I took a small selection of toys in each week and found her favourites so she looked forward to the contact centre it worked a treat it is tough at first seeing your child supervised but stick with it and nearly always contact increases with time youve just got to be patient
All the best and good luck
Slim 🙂