Hi all hope you can help
I have recently separated from my wife we have 4 children this was 3 months ago shortly after the split I met someone my wife is convinced I was having an affair this is not the case.
She is poisoning the children and telling them all sorts like I have left them all for another women and I don't care about them she is making it very difficult for me to see them and I have not seen them for over a week.
She says she wants me to give up my parental rights and the children want nothing to do with me we were married for 16 years the children are 15 12 9 2.
her last message is that she is going to see a solicitor and ask that my parental rights be taken I am really worried can she do this.
All I want to do is see my children I work full time and pay every week for my children and also pay lots of other things to help here out is this the right thing for me to do.
Any advise would be great
Hi there
Let me assure you that she can't have your parental rights removed!
I wouldn't leave it too long before taking up your options, if she won't allow you to see them then your first step would be to attend mediation, here's a link
www.nfm.org.uk
Mediation is a requirement before court action can be taken, but if mediation fails or she refuses to attend the next step would be to apply for a court order. You can do this with or without a solicitor and many here have had success self representing.
Have a look at the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section where you'll find information about the mediation/court process.
I have to rush off now, I'll be back later.... I just wanted to reassure you that even if you had had an affair, your parental rights wouldnt be removed.
Best of luck
Hi - Sorry to hear you are experiencing these issues. Rest assured plenty of people on this forum have experienced this very situation and have come out the other side intact.
As Mojo says - your parental responsibility cannot be removed so simply. So be rest assured about this.
The first step in these situations would be for you to obtain a MIAM (initial mediation meeting) - and you should do this ASAP (as in immediately). You can find a local mediator using the link Mojo sent. This can 90% of the time can be carried out over the phone by appointment (basically the mediator will want to know the background (financial matters, child arrangement matters or both or one or the other), and some basic financial details in order to assess if you are eligible for legal-aid). You should also ask the mediator to contact your wife to invite her to a MIAM (which, as Mojo alludes to, she can refuse).
If your wife does go to see a solicitor, she will most likely refuse to engage in mediation...at which point the mediator will return a signed C100 form to you stating that you have had a MIAM. The reason this is important is because this is a requirement before applying to Court - should you need to.
The only other point to make: if your wife does visit a solicitor, then do not feel compelled to act on the solicitor's requests. Such letters carry no legal standing, and while you should attempt to resolve the "situation", her solicitor will simply attempt to "trumpet" your wife's concerns, and more than likely try to get you to agree to arrangements for the children according to your wife's wishes..
Do let us know how things progress.
thl
TashasHideousLaugh said
The only other point to make: if your wife does visit a solicitor, then do not feel compelled to act on the solicitor's requests. Such letters carry no legal standing, and while you should attempt to resolve the "situation", her solicitor will simply attempt to "trumpet" your wife's concerns, and more than likely try to get you to agree to arrangements for the children according to your wife's wishes..
To add to THLs advice, if you both decide to instruct a solicitor then there will be a certain amount of correspondence back and forth, you can instruct your solicitor to keep this to a minimum as it can get expensive!
If you are self representing then it's advisable to correspond with her solicitor if she has one, state your position politely and allow a certain amount of negotiation...some solicitors draw this out for financial gain, but not all solicitors are like that so play it by ear....we are here to advise and support you whatever you decide to do.
thank you all I feel a little better now. what sort of cost are involved in the initial mediation process if any I have seen all sorts of cost around on the internet
thank you all I feel a little better now. what sort of cost are involved in the initial mediation process if any I have seen all sorts of cost around on the internet
Hi,
It really depends on the Mediation providor you use, I have my MIAM tomorrow and it cost me £120 some in my area were up to £160. If I was you I would look on google and type in family mediation your area i.e family mediation london, most mediators do state the fees on their site.
Keep us updated,
TheDaddy
thank you all I feel a little better now. what sort of cost are involved in the initial mediation process if any I have seen all sorts of cost around on the internet
Hi,
It really depends on the Mediation providor you use, I have my MIAM tomorrow and it cost me £120 some in my area were up to £160. If I was you I would look on google and type in family mediation your area i.e family mediation london, most mediators do state the fees on their site.
Keep us updated,
TheDaddy
It depends upon what issues your want resolved (well, attempted...). If you want finance/divorce and children's issues mediated - then it could cost more, but for the single issue of child arrangements (so not mediating about divorce or financial matters) a single MIAM session with a mediator specialist is usually between £50-£100 per person, depending upon location.
Regarding the MIAM, its worth bearing in mind that you should not offer to pay the fees of the other party (without very good reason). Sorting child arrangements is the responsibility of both parents - and by paying the other parties fees, all you are doing in disincentivising the other party to take it seriously. Also, in regards to obtaining a MIAM, a mediator will STILL return a signed C100 if the other party (wife/ex) tries to agree to mediation conditional upon you paying...mediators are typically wise to this...(hence the legal aid evaluation) and will not expect one party to pay for the other. If your ex/wife tries the "agree to mediation but only if you pay" chestnut, the mediator will take this a refusal to attend MIAM on the part of the ex (having evaluated their eligibility for legal aid ) .... but do confirm this with the mediator
Some solicitors are trained mediators too, but they generally charge slightly more for their time - and I would be surprised if a solicitor charged less than £100 for a MIAM.
In general, there is no benefit in attending a MIAM with a solicitor versus a mediator specialist - the information provided should be the same. The main factor is finding a mediator your are comfortable with.
thank you all I feel a little better now. what sort of cost are involved in the initial mediation process if any I have seen all sorts of cost around on the internet
Hi,
It really depends on the Mediation providor you use, I have my MIAM tomorrow and it cost me £120 some in my area were up to £160. If I was you I would look on google and type in family mediation your area i.e family mediation london, most mediators do state the fees on their site.
Keep us updated,
TheDaddy
It depends upon what issues your want resolved (well, attempted...). If you want finance/divorce and children's issues mediated - then it could cost more, but for the single issue of child arrangements (so not mediating about divorce or financial matters) a single MIAM session with a mediator specialist is usually between £50-£100 per person, depending upon location.
Regarding the MIAM, its worth bearing in mind that you should not offer to pay the fees of the other party (without very good reason). Sorting child arrangements is the responsibility of both parents - and by paying the other parties fees, all you are doing in disincentivising the other party to take it seriously. Also, in regards to obtaining a MIAM, a mediator will STILL return a signed C100 if the other party (wife/ex) tries to agree to mediation conditional upon you paying...mediators are typically wise to this...(hence the legal aid evaluation) and will not expect one party to pay for the other. If your ex/wife tries the "agree to mediation but only if you pay" chestnut, the mediator will take this a refusal to attend MIAM on the part of the ex (having evaluated their eligibility for legal aid ) .... but do confirm this with the mediator
Some solicitors are trained mediators too, but they generally charge slightly more for their time - and I would be surprised if a solicitor charged less than £100 for a MIAM.
In general, there is no benefit in attending a MIAM with a solicitor versus a mediator specialist - the information provided should be the same. The main factor is finding a mediator your are comfortable with.
And there you have someone with a lot more knowledge than me 🙂 I would take this advise 😉
...I would take this advise 😉
Thanks - but all of us that use this forum have something to contribute. Personal experience is just as valuable as any other form of knowledge!
There is usually no right or wrong answer when it comes to such difficult issues - so all views and experience and opinions are informative!
:p
Yup I haven't got much to add but in a nutshell this is what I would do.........
try mediation it rarely works so get the mediator to sign your c100 off ASAP.
Apply straight to the court for a child arrangement order.
Self represent don't bother with a solicitor.
If she gets a solicitor completely ignore every letter or communications just blank them completely.
Same goes for the ex.
Leave it all for court.
Do your research on self representing and utilise sites like this we will all help you out every step of the way.
You will get there it just takes a big set of [censored], time and patience.
All the best
Slim 🙂
Slim has a unique way of putting things and is a favourite on the forum, but as TashasHideousLaugh has pointed out , members experiences vary widely, as do the results that they get. Family court is different to all other courts as it is conducted behind closed doors and what happens there can't be reported on. Each judge has their own way of dealing with the cases before them and their interpretation and methods of administering family law vary greatly, that's why there doesn't seem to be any uniformity across the board as far as outcomes are concerned.
Whilst some judges are supportive and show some understanding of the difficulties facing parties that self represent and make allowances for their lack of knowledge, some judges are sticklers for procedure and give no leeway to unrepresented litigants, expecting all procedures and court processes to be strictly adhered to.
This is where giving advice becomes tricky, because there's no way of knowing which type of judge you may find yourself sitting in front of and the fact that judges can change from one hearing to the next... that's why, as a moderator, I feel it is important to give advice that reflects this. Following court procedure, or not, can mean the difference between a good result and one that falls short of that.
Mediation is now an integral part of the process and it can and does work around 50% of the time....I don't remember where I got that percentage from, statistics are sadly lacking in this area. It's fair to point out that the calibre of mediation will have an influence on outcome, but its far better to go into it with an open mind rather than be dismissive of it before it even begins.
So, in my experience I feel it's advisable to enter into mediation in a calm and positive way, keeping an open mind, being aware of possible short falls and ready to move it forward if it's not working for you.
Some people seeking advice may not feel confident enough to self represent and so a solictor would suit their requirements much more than trying to go it alone. Whilst solicitors have a bad reputation, I'm uncomfortable tarring them all with the same brush, as we have had members that have found using a solicitor to be a positive experience and likewise we have had members that have found the other parties solicitor to have been fair and instrumental in getting their client to agree and be more reasonable.
Remember that a paper trail is useful as part of laying out your case, it allows you to clarify what you would like and it can show the other side as being unreasonable and obstructive, so it's important to enter into dialogue with the other party if possible, or their solicitor ....just be clear about your objectives and be reasonable but firm in your dealings with them. Always try and keep all communication in writing and keep copies of everything.
Thank you all very much I am away with work for a week so will get the ball rolling and report back thanks to you all for your time I will be back to coin a phrase