Morning all
Firstly I'd like to thank CCLC for the advice you gave me last week regarding my proposals for future contact and it seems I'm not being unreasonable in what I am asking for. You have given me the lift I needed to carry on
Thank you 🙂
Thank you to Actd 😉
Ok if I could just ask for a bit of advice on how to reply to a letter received today from the exs solicitor regarding their counter proposals for future contact arrangements.
Basically they want to change the whole order to suit them even tho they had it suited to their needs 6 years ago! ( ps I've made the application for varying the order!)
The only thing they have offered is 10 days extra per year!
So how can I reply ( the wording etc) stating I have considered and I don't agree to their proposals without giving them the opportunity to twist and distort my reply when we return to court in 2 weeks.
As they have done this in the past, I think its called propaganda!!
Any suggestions gratefully received
DAG
Evening
Its been a rollercoaster ride over the past fortnight.
I have contacted cclc with regard to the reply proposals handed to me at the last hearing and my reply to these, basically it was the same as i had already prepared so it was good to get a second opinion. My reply has since been sent to the other side.
But unfortunately recent developments have meant i have had to further contact cclc for advice and also the court itself. Which in turn i have been advised by both to write directly to the court and make them aware of the situation past and present so it could be considered before returning for the next hearing.
But today i have learnt the hearing is to be adjourned at the request of the other side to a later date.
I have been advised to attend the schedueled hearing for the adjournment to ask for my requests regarding holidays be heard and arranged before the summer holidays start , because if this isnt sorted this week i will loose out this year on any extention to the summer holidays as they start next week.
Because its took so long since the initial application hearing and already having to adjourn the last hearing its took almost 5 months to get this far and we haven't sorted anything yet, we have already lost out at easter, half term and now it looks like the summer is the next victim.
It probably would have been easier waiting till my daughter reaches 16 or tells her mum to [censored] out!!
This whole thing effects everthing for us as a family for yet another year! We have not been able to organise anything so far for the kids as we dont know if we are going to get my daughter for any extra time so we haven't even looked at going away if we can afford to. Its limbo all over again. And my daughter has had enough , she has been so upset these past months, it really is now taking its toll emotionally.
Thank you CClC for your help you have been invaluable and will continue to be im sure . And thanks guys and gals (goonergaj partner) 🙂 for your words of support.
We will just have to wait and see what happens next.
Hi DAG,
Good to hear that things are nevertheless still progressing 🙂
If the hearing has had a request to be adjourned, what is the reason? Normally it needs to be a valid reason to force an adjournment.
In terms of the hearing, if you disagree with the adjournment, go ahead and say your piece. But in some instances, the Court can/could vacate the hearing (set an adjournment) even if you don't agree/refuse.
I feel really sorry that everything is being messed around (and being allowed to) so badly.
Good luck 🙂
Hello
Just an update , rescheduled for a fortnight . But no agreement for holiday extension the CLA suggested contacting exs solicitor to try to negotiate my requests. 😮 ! They apologized and went on to say it was the most problematic case they had ever encounted!!
Well that instills confidence I thought, , , , we've been living with it. :pinch:
So its another wait. But moving.
Just when you thought , , , , , , , , , , !
After the adjourment of last week the hearing was rescheduled for next week. In the meantime the court asked that we liase over the summer holidays after writing again to the otherside I received a call from the exs solicitor yesterday stating he was seeking a further adjourment (its the first time they have contacted me directly in 6yrs) for next weeks hearing due to his clients ill health!
He went on to say his client couldn't agree to my proposal for extending my holiday contact as at this time with his client being unwell she feels the need to spend the time whilst off work bonding with our daughter!! ( Shes 12 if her mum hasn't bonded at this stage in her life there's something wrong!!!) Yes i know its another stalling tatic and im gutted as I know my daughter will be.
My partner had organised her holidays and the kids hols with thier dad to accommodate our time off but know its thrown all our plans into disarray and we will now not get my daughter for over another week!
I have written this morning to the court objecting to a further adjourment and included these latest developments.
I have also written to the otherside informing them of this.
This is in the hope I can bring it before the court to at least recue some time back so we can organise a trip abroad before the end of next week.
🙁 DAG
Hi just updating you on the progress i have made so far.
Sorry not got back sooner but with the school holidays, work comitments and unforseen circumstances things have been a bit mad :pinch:
My last post was prior to going back in to court. So heres an update.
Even thought the other side tried to get yet another adjournment just days before, the court went ahead with the hearing and they brought in a Judge from outside the circuit to preside over the hearing.
Long story short, it went really well the Judge was excellent and he put in place an emergency contact order so i could collect my daughter earlier as the otherside had not agreed to this previously before coming back to court . So even though we had missed half of the first week we at least got an extension to some degree.
The Ex did not appear only her solicitor!!
This REALLY did not go down well with the Judge neither did her solicitors attitude or his explaination and arguments as to why he had not come to some kind of agreement over the holidays not even the fact that neither his client or himself could offer any reasonable explanation why contact had not either;
A, Progressed Natrually over the past 6 years!
B, Been agreed Varied and Extended at the first hearing in March!
C, Why were there so many obstructions by his client and themselves!
D, Where his client was and what was wrong with her!
The judge assured us he will personally return and preside over the case until it is finalised, there will be an extention to contact and never again will I have to be unsure of whether i am going to get my daughter for the holidays.
The contact will no longer be able to be interpreted for ones benefit over the other.
He said there was No real reasons why contact was continually hinderd over the past years other than the other parties own personal adgenda and he was saddend of how long my daughter and I had had to put up with it.
There was more so this is the short version.
All in all it was a great day. I felt like a load had been lifted and for the first time in all these years finally we might be getting somewhere and i wasnt going MAD :woohoo: as some one could actually see and do something about it for us.
Now just waiting for the next hearing, not long now.
Lastly thank you again to all at CCLC for letting me bend your ear and letting me run past you my statements etc and for your input.
😉
:cheer: 🙂 :cheer: 🙂 :cheer: 🙂 :cheer: 🙂 :cheer: 🙂 :cheer: 🙂 :cheer: 🙂 🙂 :cheer: 🙂 :silly: 🙂 :cheer: :p
Hello Dads
Well after six years and many visit's to court finally a result!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂
As you may have read in my previous posts it has been a long journey to get to this point today.
Firstly to fight this long with regards to continued contact but also for it to be extended, seeking a contact order that wasn't overly complex which could not be interpreted for the benifit of one parent (the mother). This is what we all have had to live with, but NO longer!!!
It was a very long day in court and to be honest im a little brain dead at the moment or as i have mentioned before in our house we call it "Court Lag" 😆
The original defined contact order made 6 years ago was a nightmare, confusing and complex in its nature. ( read my earlier posts its to long to re-write).
We now have a simple to follow contact arrangement which cannot be messed with.
Firstly : I have a Shared Care Arrangement :woohoo: 🙂 It actually reads "Child X shall Live with Father on so and so occasion etc "
So now I'm not just classed as weekend Dad, I really am recognised as "Live in Dad" at last!! My daughter just laughs at me and says im crazy. :silly:
2, For the avoidance of doubt All school holidays shared equally without unecessary criteria. ( Yes!! Half of all holidays 50/50, two quarters each , thats as far as my mathmatical equations go :} )
3, Every alternate weekend from Friday after school until Monday morning when i drop my daughter at school.
(For the first time in over 6 years i have been able to take my daughter to school, she was 6 years old then. Even though she is in High school now she indulged me and didnt mind me dropping her off at the school gates and blowing her a kiss as we said goodbye 😆 😆 😆 😆 !
4, Wednesdays stay the same 5-8pm. ( I did originally want her overnight mid week but instead got the extra night on sunday then she goes to school from our home monday morning as this would make it easier for my daughter with school and not having to lugg around all her school stuff mid week)
5, It is agreed that extra contact be agreed from time to time in accordance with our daughters feelings and wishes.
6, For the avoidance of doubt in the event either parent decide to take a holiday abroad the passport shall be made available without hinderence or unecessary criteria.
Thats it its that simple!
It did take 5 1/2 hours to get to that conclusion as the ex just kept digging her heals in. Until i think the final threat from the judge of returning at a future date for a contested hearing in which she would be expected to take the stand and be cross questioned!! 🙁 and giving her reasons for not agreeing to the proposals or not letting things progress naturally over the past 6 years and it being taken out of our hands and a decision being made for us by the court.
It seemed to work 🙂
I know in my original proposal and posts i mentioned that my daughter and myself were not keen on the alternate weekend contact.
Well i had to make some concessions myself to get agreement but after talking this through with my daughter she is over the moon with the result and basically said we wont die from not seeing each other each weekend and it just means every other weekend she can just punish me alittle more by make me run round ragged for longer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh no iv created a monster!!! And my partner and kids said they to can now organise thier lives around it better so they all get to spend longer periods together.
All in all we are relieved and over the moon with the end result. Tired and emotional a bit ragged round the edges but worth the fight!
Im sure there are other tribulations to come but at long last we know where we stand.
I would like to say a MASSIVE thank you to all you guys on here who have given me comfort support and advice and kept us going these last 9 months. Along with my family and friends, you all have been a fantastic support and listening ear.
Again CCLC undoubtedly invaluable thank you to all who have listened and given me advice on my preparation, i will give you a call and give you the end result if you have time to listen me bend your ear 😀 !!
Im filling up so going to leave it there for know.
One last thing. I was told along time ago by my old solicitor " Its a Marathon not a Sprint"!!! Man was he right.
But its worth it!
Dads keep on struggling on our kids are worth the fight and love that we show them will only make them more secure as they grow.
Kind regards DAG
Congratulations that's great news,the fight is always worth it no matter how hard its been.
And your right this Site is a massive help, it helped me no end when I was going through it.
And I know full well the after court lag, you feel numb and light headed.
Darren
Lump in my throat reading that 🙂
Lump in my throat reading that 🙂
I'll admit to the same when I read it to too, it hits you as you remember the battle you had, and feel happy that the system works when it needs too.
You will now be able to plan and do things with your daughter and be a dad again instead of someone fighting for the rite to be one.
Darren