Okay. So, I will just start from the beginning. My wife and I met in Australia. I am from the United States and she is from Italy. We lived in Australia for a few years before we welcomed our son into the world. While, we had a good group of friends and I had a full time job, things were very difficult for us. We had no family support. I would be stuck at work and my wife would be home with our son putting him to sleep while I didn't get home till late in the evening often time past Midnight. ( I managed a Small Bar).
After about 6 months or so we began discussing maybe leaving Australia and moving closer to her family so that we could get the family and support. While I was not super keen for this, I knew she really wanted it and that it would take pressure off of her and ultimately make her happier. We came to the decision and began preparing for the move to Italy. Selling our care, quitting and selling most of our possessions while sending some of the smaller and more important things over.
We got to italy November last year, just a few days before our sons 1st Birthday. The first few weeks were okay, because it still felt like we were on holiday. But as things went on it became more and more difficult. Going to a foreign country by myself was never an issue, I would always just wing it. But when I go out with my son to take him to the park or get a coffee it is impossible not to interact with people. While my Italian is getting better, I am still nowhere fluent. When we go to the park and other kids come up to my son or adults comment on how cute he is or ask him how old he is or whats his name, I freeze. I clam up and become quite and come off rude. I shut down. I feel like I am sinking into the background.
We have had a few doctors appointments since we have been here. Just routine check ups and I hate going. While I can get some of what is going on most of the time I just stare at the doctor while my wife converses and asks questions. Again. I sink into my chair and want to disappear.
I have always considered myself relatively social considering I have worked in bars for the past ten years, but her I just clam up. I become introverted and hardly speak when out in public. Even with my son, I do not know how to speak to him or what language. I know enough Italian to play with him and say small words and phrases, but even in English I don't speak because I don't want to feel like an outsider. I don't want him to feel excluded. When I was in my early 20s I went through a pretty bad depression and have the scars on my arm to remind me. Its a constant reminder that I want my son to be happy, but sometimes I feel like I cannot do it.
While I know being bilingual will be so good for him and his future, i feel like I am getting left behind. Everyone around him only speaks to him in Italian. His grandparents, other relatives and even strangers. I feel like the odd one out. Its a feeling I am all too familiar with and don't like it. I feel like I cannot be the best father I can for my son. I feel like he reacts better to Italian than he does to me, with my wife singing him lullaby's in Italian and his grandparents playing games and only speaking to him in Italian.
I guess, I just want to open this up to anyone who has gone through or may be going through a similar situation. What did you do? Did you feel like an outsider?
Thank you for listening.
- A Father in a Foreign Land.
C. Javier
25.2.16
What do you do out there at the moment? It strikes me that if you were running a small bar, then perhaps a job in a hotel where a lot of English people go might give you some contact with english speaking people, which will give you some respite. On top of that, you need to get lessons to help yo pick up the language mroe quickly - once you have that, then I think your confidence will start to return.
Hi,
I agree with ACTD, you need to find a job where you can be around other people speaking English that will help you loads.
I work with children and it's very easy for them to pick up another language unlike us adults, so you must not worry about that, take your time and before you know it you'll be speaking the language. You can get CD's to listen to in the car etc that help you learn these days too!
Children are also great at fluctuating between languages so don't be afraid to speak to him in English as that's your home language so important he learns that too. Have you spoken about your feelings to your partner. Maybe if you discuss it and air your worries she may be happy to encourage your son to speak English as well as Italian.
He is only young therefore learning any language in order to communicate is all new to him, therefore a perfect opportunity for you to learn together. Maybe your wife could teach you some of the nursery rhymes in Italian whilst teaching your son them, and then you can both teach him others in English too. I am sure if you tell her how you feel she will understand. You have moved to another country and I'm sure she will realise how hard that is.
Give it time, and good luck
Stacey
Definitely agree with all of the above, talking to your wife is really important, I'm sure she will understand and I'm pretty sure she will want your child to be bilingual as there is nothing but benefits for him to learn English.
There may be English speaking nurseries or child/parent groups where you live which might help you, it might also be a good idea to enrol in speaking Italian classes. I'm sure as you become more familiar with the language you will feel more comfortable all round.
Best of luck